- Jan 14, 2022
- North Carolina
Here it comes again. I am stressed, angry, crying and feel hopeless and lonely with no place to turn. All I want to do is take sleeping pills and wake up months from now. I was an independent career woman with lots of friends and hobbies. I needed a double knee replacement. I had the first one done and it was a total failed knee replacement. I could no longer work. It took 8 years and 10 doctors to fix the knee. 2 subsequent surgeries followed and a procedure to burn the nerves out of it happened just last Monday. It was left with severe nerve damage and in more pain than than the left knee which is finally being replaced in 2 weeks. It's been an 8 year journey. I was forced to retire from my career, move out of state for financial reasons away from my life long friends and live on disability insurance. My life they way I knew it has ceased to exist and I am truly struggling. I live on hydrocodone and oxycodone for pain. I am 60, single and without children and it has been very difficult to meet new friends. I am a member of 2 clubs, but everyone packs up and goes home to their spouses, children and grandchildren afterwards. I read almost two books a week. I look at the meetup groups but I am unable to bowl, play pickle ball, antique, hike, etc. I am spiraling down the tubes and could use some true understanding. I used the be full of life, with a lot of friends, with a career, with many opportunities.... now I sit alone in my condo with my cat. Days like today, I just can't bear it. I am on medication, in therapy and under the care of a psychiatrist for years now. Any pearls of advice? Unfortunately, I am not spiritual. Thank you.