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Bipolar effecting my relationship

J

jovik

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I'm afraid that my ever changing moods are starting to really affect my relationship with my husband and family. Mostly my husband as he is the one who is with me most of the time. I am newly diagnosed and am just starting out on medication. I know it's going to be a slow process getting my medication right but I am so worried as to how long it will take. My husband seems quiet and off with me and I'm pretty sure it's because of my ever changing moods. He has been so understanding but I'm worried it's getting to much for him. But unfortunately I'm now spiralling from hypomanic to depressed. I'm blaming myself for putting him through this and putting our life on hold. But I just can't control my thoughts. It's so scary.
I would love any advise or tips for partners of people with mental health issues. And some advise on how to handle life and bipolar.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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I don't know how much he knows about the illness but if he doesn't know that much I'd definitely suggest bringing him into the loop so that he can know all about it. A time will come when you say you're fine and he says you're not anyway, so the more he knows now and the more you can know that he knows, the better for you both. (You know?!) From there you can try to make time to talk about it and explain the hows and whys of it and of what you're doing/saying etc.

Which medications have you started with?
 
K

keith74

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I'm afraid that my ever changing moods are starting to really affect my relationship with my husband and family. Mostly my husband as he is the one who is with me most of the time. I am newly diagnosed and am just starting out on medication. I know it's going to be a slow process getting my medication right but I am so worried as to how long it will take. My husband seems quiet and off with me and I'm pretty sure it's because of my ever changing moods. He has been so understanding but I'm worried it's getting to much for him. But unfortunately I'm now spiralling from hypomanic to depressed. I'm blaming myself for putting him through this and putting our life on hold. But I just can't control my thoughts. It's so scary.
I would love any advise or tips for partners of people with mental health issues. And some advise on how to handle life and bipolar.
Since you are newly diagnosed, it will take a bit of time before you figure out what medication and treatment works for you. In the meantime, both of you will have to be patient.

My wife is bipolar 1. During her last manic episode, I bought this book and found it very helpful:

I would recommend getting it for your husband. It will help him understand your mood swings and how best he can help you.
 
J

jovik

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Feb 23, 2021
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Location
preston
Since you are newly diagnosed, it will take a bit of time before you figure out what medication and treatment works for you. In the meantime, both of you will have to be patient.

My wife is bipolar 1. During her last manic episode, I bought this book and found it very helpful:

I would recommend getting it for your husband. It will help him understand your mood swings and how best he can help you.
Thank you for the recommendation.
I think we both know it will be a slow process but I doesn't make it any easier. I try to communicate well with him but this is still something I struggle with. I've always just dealt with my mental health alone. And you are completely right, we just need to be patient.
Thanks
 
J

jovik

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preston
I don't know how much he knows about the illness but if he doesn't know that much I'd definitely suggest bringing him into the loop so that he can know all about it. A time will come when you say you're fine and he says you're not anyway, so the more he knows now and the more you can know that he knows, the better for you both. (You know?!) From there you can try to make time to talk about it and explain the hows and whys of it and of what you're doing/saying etc.

Which medications have you started with?
I've always dealt with my mental health alone so my communication skills need a little work but I am working on it and trying to include my husband. I've always tried to hide it from my loved ones so not to upset them but it always back fires on me and they end up more hurt!
I'm in the process of building up on quetiapine to 300mg and I'm on 45mg mirtazapine. And I have know idea if this will help. But I was on this combo years ago for my PTSD and it helped then so I'm hopefully but also know there is no guaranty.
Thanks for the advise
 
Ghost_Owl

Ghost_Owl

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Seems to me you are doing all you can after having recognised a problem. To manage my own Bipolar I had to get my loved ones involved. Part of that involved educating them on Bipolar. With that understanding they can better handle my moods but also make me aware of them when I don't notice the effect I am having on them. I really hope you can find some stability. Keep in mind you are doing all you can. What else is there?
 
S

siliconom

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Yep. You gotta educate your husband. It can only help.

Your hubbie must be used to your moods by now. Just coz you got diagnosed dont change nothing.

Just be patient. Your hubbie dont going nowhere
 
S

siliconom

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Just saw your on Q. Its a good med. Youll be fine and dandy. D
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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I've always dealt with my mental health alone so my communication skills need a little work but I am working on it and trying to include my husband.

I'm in the process of building up on quetiapine to 300mg and I'm on 45mg mirtazapine. And I have know idea if this will help. But I was on this combo years ago for my PTSD and it helped then so I'm hopefully but also know there is no guaranty.
Thanks for the advise
Imagine if he had some terrible illness and he kept it from you, was clearly being affected by it, but you had no clue how to help or how to deal with it? You absolutely need to talk. What I did with loved ones, as soon as I was diagnosed, was to search online for some info on Bipolar from reputable sources and I printed this off and gave it to them so they could learn more about it. I also wrote a note saying "It affects me in these ways, but not in this way" etc, to make it more specific to me and what I was dealing with. You don't need to do the note, you can just tell him, but he needs to know. As I said before, he'll essentially be your guard in that he'll see you change before anyone else, so it's not just about inclusion it's also about you trusting in him so that if he ever says to you that your mood is changing, or that he's spotting certain signs, you can actually listen to him before it gets too far.

As for the meds...
I've tried them both and both BEFORE diagnosis, and I didn't like either. Quetiapine made me too sluggish and sleepy, Mirtazipine is an antidepressant and well, I would be VERY wary of taking antidepressants with Bipolar (I certainly won't ever again after what they did to me). Could it be that your mood is changing at the moment due to the toing and froing effects of these medications? Or have you been on them since before the diagnosis? (Recently, I mean, not PTSD related).
Some people will like meds for them and some won't, by the way; different strokes for different folks, and all that.
 
S

siliconom

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Q makes you sleepy at low dose 25 - 75mg

Im guessing your on around 200 - 300 mg?
 
K

keith74

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As siliconom mentioned, Quetiapine tends to be less sedating at higher doses. And you also get used to the side effects. My wife is also at 300mg (for depression) and she doesn't find quetiapine sedating enough as she struggles with insomnia! However it has been helping with her current depressive episode.

When taking an antidepressant (mirtazapine), you normally need to also be on a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic that guards against mania. While quietiapine can guard against mania, you typically need to be at a high dose (400mg+). 300mg is the recommended dose for just bipolar depression.
 
J

jovik

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Joined
Feb 23, 2021
Messages
13
Location
preston
Imagine if he had some terrible illness and he kept it from you, was clearly being affected by it, but you had no clue how to help or how to deal with it? You absolutely need to talk. What I did with loved ones, as soon as I was diagnosed, was to search online for some info on Bipolar from reputable sources and I printed this off and gave it to them so they could learn more about it. I also wrote a note saying "It affects me in these ways, but not in this way" etc, to make it more specific to me and what I was dealing with. You don't need to do the note, you can just tell him, but he needs to know. As I said before, he'll essentially be your guard in that he'll see you change before anyone else, so it's not just about inclusion it's also about you trusting in him so that if he ever says to you that your mood is changing, or that he's spotting certain signs, you can actually listen to him before it gets too far.

As for the meds...
I've tried them both and both BEFORE diagnosis, and I didn't like either. Quetiapine made me too sluggish and sleepy, Mirtazipine is an antidepressant and well, I would be VERY wary of taking antidepressants with Bipolar (I certainly won't ever again after what they did to me). Could it be that your mood is changing at the moment due to the toing and froing effects of these medications? Or have you been on them since before the diagnosis? (Recently, I mean, not PTSD related).
Some people will like meds for them and some won't, by the way; different strokes for different folks, and all that.
Thanks for all the advise. I started the mirtazapine before my diagnosis as they miss diagnosed me at first and I think they just added the quetiapine because I was on it before. So far I'm only up to 175mg and go up to 200mg in a week. But I'm not really noticing much change. I keep telling myself to be patient. The quetiapine makes me feel heavy but I'm still struggling with my sleep.
I like the idea about writing down my symptoms and mood. I want to do what ever I can to help my family understand and I know been open and honest helps me so I will keep working on that. The medication side worries me as I've heard a lot of people mention quetiapine didn't work for them but I guess I have to at least let the dose get higher before I decide if it helps or not.
I definitely struggle more with the low moods then the high moods.
Thank you for your tips.
 
J

jovik

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preston
Q makes you sleepy at low dose 25 - 75mg

Im guessing your on around 200 - 300 mg?
I'm on 175mg and go up to 200mg next week. They are slowly upping my dose week by week. And yes it makes me feel heavy but I still struggle with sleep.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Maybe it was the lower doses that got me. The most I got to was 100mg a day and I felt way too sluggish to carry on with it. If you don't manage to persist with it you could always ask to try an alternative like Risperidone, that's not so bad.
 
S

siliconom

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Jan 24, 2021
Messages
347
Location
Quebec
Its nice to see so many good folk helpng out here. I find on MH forums in general that there is not quite enough support given consistently.

Try not to worry about medication although its something we all do unfortunately

Have you ever tried meditation? There are some excellent apps. You need to stick at it for at least a month to feel any benefit, then make it a daily habit
 
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