• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Bipolar definition

evilangel196921

evilangel196921

New member
Joined
Jun 11, 2019
Messages
3
Location
USA
So i was diagnosed at 15 (im 40 now)- "Bipolar Manic Depressive" right? And ive been on and off meds since then. Zoloft at first, which as far as i remember worked well, then after i maxed out as far as dosage and i felt that it wasn't helping anymore, i was next put on paxil. 40 mgs of paxil a day with 1 mg of xanax in the morning and ( if i wanted to sleep without waking every 2 hours) id take another mg of xanax before bed. That combo i was on for around 6 years in a row and i felt like it helped alot. Then one day my doctor decided she was going to cut me off of the xanax because " that clinic was no longer going to be prescribing xanax to ANY patients" was her reasoning. Thats when i learned that i couldn't take the 40mgs of paxil alone- when i did it would throw me into a panic attack. So since i needed the xanax WITH the paxil, and i could no longer get the xanax- i stopped taking the paxil altogether. Its been about 2 years now- ive been self-medicating, as i call it, but thats a whole other post lol. ANYWAY- i was reading some info on bipolar online and i came across an article that said that bipolar episodes (like manic or depressive) last for MONTHS and that a bipolar person will only have like 3 different "moods" in a year....? Even the definition of "rapid cycling bipolar" was like 10 in a year. Ok so THATS NOT what happens to me AT ALL. I literally go through like 8 mood swings in one DAY when im not on my meds and im not self-medicating (100% sober). Its BAD. So my question is- am i even diagnosed right??
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
44,267
Location
Lancashire
Hiya and :welcome: to the forum. If you go through 8 mood swings in a day I would say that you aren't well controlled and need a mood stabiliser soon. I'm on Lamotrigine which suits e fine and I didn't realise how "normal" people felt before taking it. I don't know about the diagnosis and no-one can diagnose on a forum. I would see your psychiatrist and get a review of your condition and you meds.
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,751
Location
Florida
I am tapering off valium and still on my other antidepressant and anti psychotic meds with a sleeping pill. I talked to my therapist yesterday and we both agreed that I have been much better on medication than not. And this is because of my uncontrollable mood swings when not on medications. Ya see I always want to be medication free and I have a lousy track record with meds as far as taking them correctly. I am glad you are off the xanax it is a powerful drug to come off of some people never can. I guess if the doctor insists than thats that.

I have been having withdraw from valium reduction. twitchy fingers and clenching teeth-scares me to think meds can be harmful to withdraw from. Meds seem to change your entire brain chemistry and then without them your brain does not know how to function for years sometimes. just my thoughts on meds. Hope you find what you need to keep your moods from getting way out of control. Hugs
 
evilangel196921

evilangel196921

New member
Joined
Jun 11, 2019
Messages
3
Location
USA
Oh yeah i guess i forgot to mention that i haven't been under the care of a physician since i stopped taking my meds either....its honestly NOT by choice- i quit questioning ("do i really need meds or is it all bullshit?"- im sure some of you know what i mean by that) after i went a whole like 6 months probably- with no meds and no "self- medicating" at all ( my boyfriend at the time and i were doing the whole AA/NA thing then)....i was 29 and THAT'S when i realized just how fucked up my brain really was on it's own! I STILL feel bad for that dude lol- HOW he put up with me that whole time ill never really understand...other than the fact that i had a car and he needed it to get to work and back (he had just recently become a single dad of a 1 year old at the time so he HAD to be able to get to work)...i swear that had to be the reason. It was so crazy- I was working at a Carls Jr then and EVERY SINGLE DAY when he would come to pick me up after work he would literally have to ask me "How ya feeling today?"- to which id either respond "oh im good, you know, i had a good day today- how about you? I love you blah blah blah" and on those days we were cool. OR id respond withsomething along the lines of: "Fuck this place! I hate everyone- take me home and drop me off and GO SOMEWHERE. I don't want to talk to anybody just leave me alone!" And so thats what he would do. The worst part about that whole time was that i KNEW that i was being a complete ASSHOLE when i was in that mood right? And i SWEAR that i felt hella bad when i was like that- but i cant like STOP it. And when i get like that- even just trying to SAY( to anyone around me) that like i know im being a.grumpy bitch so its just better for you ( and everyone else) to stay away from me right now until it goes away because im just going to be hella mean to everyone- like i seriously just try to warn whoever it is- but i cant even tell them that without it coming out of my mouth in a kind of threatening manner. Did that make sense? Later on down the road i ended up making myself a "Time Out" sign that i would just hang on the outside of my bedroom door when i got like that and lock myself in my room until i got over it so i would quit taking it out on everyone around me. I still have that damn sign too lol. I dont even know where i was going with this whole story- oh wait ok yes i do lol- yeah so after i realized how many shifts in my mood i went through DAILY without my meds during those 6 months? I got back on them and took them religiously every day after that. Up until i got cut off of the xanax. I got in a huge argument with my dr over that because there was absolutely NO reason for her to do that- i had been taking the same meds for the last 6 years up to that point and they were working fine for me. I think SHE got in trouble for something, tbh- like maybe she was prescribing other people too much of something or prescribing stuff to people that didnt need it- WHATEVER it was- SOMETHING happened with her (nothing to do with me) and so i was pissed off because now IM getting cut off of meds that i NEED because of something SHE DID? Thats bullshit. And im very aware of the whole xanax abuse issue- i agree 100% that its a very dangerous drug to becone addicted to and that a LOT of people (especially youngsters where im from) were abusing it regularly. With that said though- i was not one of those people. I used to ask people what it felt like to get high on xanax- just because i was curious of what the big deal with it was. I never got high from taking it- i honestly dont think i COULDVE gotten high like everyone else seemed to- if i took 2 of em when i was having a panic attack instead of just one- i would just feel tired and go take a nap. I did that a few times when i first started taking it while i was figuring out how much actually WORKED for me for sudden panic attacks. But i never got high the way they told.me it felt for them....most of them said it felt kinda like they were drunk. A few said they would black out and a few said it made them hella violent. Im over here like " damn- VIOLENT? Thats the only thing that CALMS me down when i start hyperventilating and panicking and it makes you VIOLENT?" Lol that still trips me out. But anyway back to my story- i got mad at the dr and we had a blow out basically and i never went back to see her. I did try to go see a new dr after a while but (as usual) that didnt work out very well. I have issues with doctors to begin with and BIG ISSUES with seeing new ones or appts- ALL THAT. So its hard enough just getting myself to GO to a dr appt with a dr ive seen before- much less one ive never seen. Usually if i make it into the dr office for the appt at all? Ill talk myself right back out of it and leave before the dr can even call me back there to see him.
 
J

jack black

Active member
Joined
Jun 2, 2019
Messages
37
Location
USA
while there is a specific definition of bipolar by traditional psychiatry, the biology is way more complicated than that. there is an overlap between biporal and borderline (maybe you have that?) and with migraine and with many other mental conditions like ADHD, addictions, eating disorders, etc. some people also belive in ultra rapid cycling bipolar too.
i tell you what, take some lithium (OTC in USA) or lamictal and see what happens.
 
Top