I handle a binge by bingeing on healthy foods
even ones with calories like bananas
ive got some falafels which are just chick peas and vegetables
maybe bread with marmite things like that
and the binge ends quicker than an ice cream kind of binge
I find that even bingeing on healthy foods still leads to low self-esteem and depression for me. This is because the eating is still disordered and compulsive when what is healthy is to eat for nourishment and stop when your body says it's had enough. Thing is, I haven't been able to listen to my body for over two decades, and I'm stuck in this debilitating cycle where I always go to food for any negative emotion (sadness, boredom, restlessness, anger, anxiety, loneliness). I know eating disorders are isolating disorders; I know it's best for me to get out of the house and make plans with others or do things. But that seems impossible. Despite the challenges of being an introvert with social anxiety and not having excess money, we are all also in the midst of a pandemic that requires social distancing. The only times I haven't had the urge to binge eat is when I'm backpacking in nature and when I'm in a loving, active romantic relationship. I don't have either at the moment.
I'm still working out the food situation at home. I've tried getting rid of all the ready to eat foods I am prone to bingeing on, but then I binge on other foods in the house; I've tried buying my trigger foods so when I'm craving them, I can satisfy my appetite with precisely what I desire, but then I eat them all in one sitting. What are my other alternatives? Not to keep any food in the house and when I am hungry to go out (remember: social anxiety) and buy food? It's only a matter of time that I sabotage my goals for a healthy relationship with food. It's the hardest thing in the world to be so divided within yourself.
