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Binge eating confession (very long and detailed, post, sorry)

B

bunny

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Apr 6, 2015
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I kind of just feel like telling people all about my binging might help me to stop... I don't know. But here goes- yesterday I binged Four times. First, I made a lot of soup, with a litre of vegetable broth, a whole packet of frozen broccoli, a kilo of carrots and Three potatoes, along with a big bread roll with way too much butter, telling myself I would only have a small bowl of the soup and save the rest for later, and that is all I would eat for the day. Then I ate all of it. After rolling around hating myself and feeling like my tummy was about to explode for like ten minutes, my mum texted "I'm at the shops, do you want anything?" I thought to myself "god, no. Never ever." but somehow my thumbs disagreed, as they texted back "oh yes please" and began to list lots of yummy healthy treats, like trail mix, nuts, dried fruit, low-gi bread, strawberry jam, fruit and vegetables. When she got home I decided to sample a teeny plate of a few things, my excuse being that if you eat lots of small meals throughout the day your metabolism speeds up, so I thought I would put the plate next to me and snack on it all day while I read. I arranged three dried apricots, three dates, a slice of bread with jam, a handful of cashews and a handful of trail mix neatly on the plate and took it to my room. Seconds later, the plate was empty. Then I went back out and grabbed the bag of dates and ate all Two thousand calories of them, followed by all of the apricots and all of the cashews. By now I was shocked that my stomach hadn't exploded. But I peed and felt better. Hungry even... So I looked in the pantry, thinking "I'll just decide what to have for dinner." Then I ate an entire packet of brown rice crackers with an entire tub of light hummus dip. I fell asleep because being awake was too painful, and when I woke up, as always, the first thing I did was go to the kitchen. I just wanted something small and quick and easy to make, so I decided to have a small amount of rice. -oops I must have "slipped"- I poured like Two cups of it into the pot, and plenty of salt, which is the worst thing to have after bingeing because salt holds onto water molecules and causes water retention which means bloating. When I finished the rice I promised myself I'd eat better tomorrow, to avoid feeling guilty, but failed. "It's important to have breakfast, to avoid smacking later in the day" I said to myself early this morning as I toasted 'one, no I think I'll have Two pieces of bread because it's low GI :)' and spread some yummy strawberry jam on, and enjoyed them. Was still hungry, so I took the whole packet of bread and jar of jam to the couch with a butter knife, switched on the television and mindlessly devoured piece after piece after piece. Hopefully the rest of today will be better.
 
catkin

catkin

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Well done for posting this bunny xx
I'm sorry you have BED too, me too, its horrible isn't it?
Have you had any help with it? You are bingeing on mostly healthy foods, a start maybe? I have at last started seeing someone in mh who has experience of working with EDs, but am still failing everyday, binges on sweet, salty, fat stuff. I'm sorry I don't have advice, other than to keep trying and asking for support. Please keep posting if it helps xx
 
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