BF broke up with me because of mental illness

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okait

New member
Joined
Nov 8, 2017
Messages
3
My boyfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago. It was during the worst time in my life, my depression was unbearable. He was always kind and supportive about my mental health. However when it really showed its true colours we ran into problems. I had been struggling with more than depression and anxiety (just a few days ago i was diagnosed with adhd) and was completely confused about what was going on in my mind. We had many fights about me not listening, forgetting things, getting times wrong, etc. The entire time i had no idea i had adhd. When we broke up I was heartbroken and confused. I couldn't pin point where things went wrong. A few weeks after the breakup I changed my antidepressants and everything went downhill, I ended up attempting suicide. Leading up to this I had been self harming and begging for my boyfriend back. It was a really low point in my life that I'm ashamed of. After my attempt, I contacted my boyfriend and told him what had happen. I didn't hear back so I started to move on. About a month later, he contacted me and told me he read my message and was waiting to give me space. Immediately all the progress I had been making of getting over him diminished. He was being kind to me and we talked for hours. Things eventually turned flirty and we planned to get together for coffee. Getting coffee ended up with us sleeping together. It wasn't romantic though, just friendly. After that I began thinking about him every second of the day again. He was my first thought in the morning and last thought before bed. It was painful, i felt as if there was a stone on my chest. A month after we slept together I contacted him again and told him I realized I still loved him after we slept together. He talked to me for hours again, and things got flirty AGAIN. We arranged to meet again, and this time I wanted to mend things and get back together. However, the plans fell through due to exams. Since we are currently in different cities, I texted him asking if there was ever a chance for us again. He said no because of how things ended. I asked him to elaborate, and it came down to the fact that he couldn't be with me because he couldn't look at me and not think about my suicide attempt. Now I know he doesn't want to be with me because of my past actions, and my mental illness. Its a really hard thing to deal with, it has me questioning if anyone will ever accept it. I am not sure how to overcome this kind of heartbreak... its such a blow to my self esteem as well.
 
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snarflarf

New member
Joined
Dec 9, 2017
Messages
2
I'm guessing you're quite young if you're talking about exams. I'm a guy and in my opinion he is not going to take this seriously with you, it's a casual thing for him and I think that's just the way it is. Of course you will find someone who will accept you for who you are, of this I have no doubt. It took me a long time to stop being so critical of other people and understand we all have strengths and weaknesses and that's what makes life interesting. You will find someone much better at some point and realize looking back that this would most likely have never been a healthy relationship. It took me a long time but I found a beautiful wife who accepts all of my problems and loves me all the more for them. You are much stronger than you realize and these types of travails will make you even stronger in the long term. The hurt will diminish and you will find happiness.
 
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Twokiwisandabanana

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2016
Messages
811
Put the focus,on you and getting better that's you feeling better about you.
This guy frankly isn't worthy of you.
Delete his number and try to forget about him.
 
starslight

starslight

Member
Joined
Oct 5, 2017
Messages
10
I am sorry for your breakup but I think it’s important that you accept that it was over and move on with your life without him. You should know that you still have yourself and lot of people who will love and care for you. Right now, you should focus to make yourself getting better from your mental problems and ADHD. I know breakup didn’t help and it may make things look worse. But I think this is also a good chance for you to test yourself that you are strong enough to overcome it and get your life back on track.

Go to see psychiatrist, therapist, take pills on time (if one not work, going back to doctor and see if you should switch it), do whatever that you enjoy doing. Start with some easy activities that will put a smile on your face. Call friends and family, hang out a bit more with people. TRY AND KEEP FIGHTING IS THE KEY. The purpose of getting better is NOT about getting back together with someone who dumped you. But I like you to believe that you are still young and there’s the whole world with so many good things waiting for you as long as you hold on, fight and don’t give up.

You have to get back to yourself and love yourself. Self harm and suicidal thoughts are something you have to work on with your psychiatrist so you won’t do it again. Bad things happen to everyone. But how we deal with them will define who we are. We may do something we shouldn’t do. Learn from it, put the past in the past and forgive yourself. If things are too much to take, reach out to your love ones and seek for professional supports.

As for your ex, I used to be in a similar situation, when he said he no longer wanted me, I spent about a month or two wake up at the same time during the night with the same nightmare and panic feeling. I was deeply hurt. But no matter how hurt I was, my intention of never going back to him was so strong it kept me moving on. Even the breakup was due to me or him or who to blame was not the main point, I just think I shouldn’t waste my time on someone who dumped me and I had my own issues to deal with. The most effective way is very simple, NO CONTACT and TOTAL CUT OUT. I blocked everything (fb, ig, twitter), never contact him, never try to visit any of his social media, change the phone number. It’s like this person never exist before. When I wanted to call him, I called my friends instead. Whenever I wanted to see him or almost can’t resist to contact, I hanged out with friends or do something else. I kept myself busy. And when time went by, I found that I finally did it as I no longer thought much of him and he was no longer someone I care or think much about anymore. This is the quickest way to get over someone in my opinion. Keep contact will only harm you and hurt you. And begging for someone to come back is not something you should do as well. Why wanting someone who doesn’t want you?

I believe that good things and bright future with so many possibilities (better man, better life, better friends, and a lot more) are waiting for you. Stay strong, fight hard to overcome your own issues, be happier, be healthier. If you want to talk, I believe there will always be lot of good people (your family, friends, this website) who will listen to you :)
 
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