- Nov 8, 2017
My boyfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago. It was during the worst time in my life, my depression was unbearable. He was always kind and supportive about my mental health. However when it really showed its true colours we ran into problems. I had been struggling with more than depression and anxiety (just a few days ago i was diagnosed with adhd) and was completely confused about what was going on in my mind. We had many fights about me not listening, forgetting things, getting times wrong, etc. The entire time i had no idea i had adhd. When we broke up I was heartbroken and confused. I couldn't pin point where things went wrong. A few weeks after the breakup I changed my antidepressants and everything went downhill, I ended up attempting suicide. Leading up to this I had been self harming and begging for my boyfriend back. It was a really low point in my life that I'm ashamed of. After my attempt, I contacted my boyfriend and told him what had happen. I didn't hear back so I started to move on. About a month later, he contacted me and told me he read my message and was waiting to give me space. Immediately all the progress I had been making of getting over him diminished. He was being kind to me and we talked for hours. Things eventually turned flirty and we planned to get together for coffee. Getting coffee ended up with us sleeping together. It wasn't romantic though, just friendly. After that I began thinking about him every second of the day again. He was my first thought in the morning and last thought before bed. It was painful, i felt as if there was a stone on my chest. A month after we slept together I contacted him again and told him I realized I still loved him after we slept together. He talked to me for hours again, and things got flirty AGAIN. We arranged to meet again, and this time I wanted to mend things and get back together. However, the plans fell through due to exams. Since we are currently in different cities, I texted him asking if there was ever a chance for us again. He said no because of how things ended. I asked him to elaborate, and it came down to the fact that he couldn't be with me because he couldn't look at me and not think about my suicide attempt. Now I know he doesn't want to be with me because of my past actions, and my mental illness. Its a really hard thing to deal with, it has me questioning if anyone will ever accept it. I am not sure how to overcome this kind of heartbreak... its such a blow to my self esteem as well.