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Better to quit than to die?

M

Mole

Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Washington
Here is my dilemma. I want to commit suicide - I have the plan laid out, the date picked, transferred my assets to prepare.

I realize that by killing myself, I am just leaving all the stuff I can’t deal with to be a problem for someone else.

But I am so tired of crying every morning before I go to work; crying at work; and then come home and cry again and think all night about how easy it would be to just kill myself - how great it would be to not have to wake up again.

So the dilemma is if I take care of all the shit before I die - and the shit that needs to get done is the reason that I want to die because I literally cannot do it because I am so paralyzed with depression and anxiety that all I do is cry (and hurt myself) - what’s my solution?
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
18,156
Location
Nowhere
hi Mole

I'm sorry to hear this, you need to speak to someone
a hotline or your doctor
many of us have been where you are now
and gone on to get help and for it to be successful
to be now enjoying our lives
I did not think this was possible for me

there is a way out of this trap

:grouphug: 🍀 💜 🐢 🎼 🌅
 
M

Mole

Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Washington
I am on two antidepressants and two anti anxiety drugs and talking to a counselor, seeing an ARNP and a neurologist. Nothing has helped, but I appreciate you trying to be encouraging
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
18,156
Location
Nowhere
have you tried answering other peoples posts
trying to help them with similar issues
helping others in the same boat usually works for me

another thing I do is when I get these thoughts
I say to myself ' I want to live '

well these days I dont have to say it so often
or I dont need to think about it

and your dog would be devastated if you left him/her

you might also find there is a way to give up work
and spend some time enjoying yourself

:grouphug: 🎼
 
wraziel

wraziel

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
796
Location
Chile
have you tried answering other peoples posts
trying to help them with similar issues
helping others in the same boat usually works for me

another thing I do is when I get these thoughts
I say to myself ' I want to live '

well these days I dont have to say it so often
or I dont need to think about it

and your dog would be devastated if you left him/her

you might also find there is a way to give up work
and spend some time enjoying yourself

:grouphug: 🎼
Try this.
 
K

Kittylove

Well-known member
Joined
May 13, 2019
Messages
481
Location
Canada
Just wanted to say that your life is worth living. And one day, I'm sure you'll be relieved you didn't go through with it. Please reconsider.
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
925
Here is my dilemma. I want to commit suicide - I have the plan laid out, the date picked, transferred my assets to prepare.

I realize that by killing myself, I am just leaving all the stuff I can’t deal with to be a problem for someone else.

But I am so tired of crying every morning before I go to work; crying at work; and then come home and cry again and think all night about how easy it would be to just kill myself - how great it would be to not have to wake up again.

So the dilemma is if I take care of all the shit before I die - and the shit that needs to get done is the reason that I want to die because I literally cannot do it because I am so paralyzed with depression and anxiety that all I do is cry (and hurt myself) - what’s my solution?
@Mole......you seriously need to get yourself checked in to a psych hospital....its awful that you feel this way.....i have been there myself too, but what i can tell you is you will get better.....just go easy on yourself, take it as easy as possible.....when i was suffering from severe suicidal depression i would have wanted somebody to tell me that you can and will get better.....there is hope.
 
K

KeyTrio

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
86
Location
England
Please do not end your life. You might not believe it right now, but things will get better. Which country are you from? PLEASE contact the relevant service(s) that helps people with suicidal thoughts and let them know how you’re feeling. You are worth SO MUCH.
 
mischief

mischief

Well-known member
Admin
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
13,838
Location
The World
Hi @Mole

Thanks for sharing.

If you don't feel safe please call 911 or go to the emergency room. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 1-800-273-8255 is a good place to call to talk about how you're feeling.

The more you're able to share the better, problems shared become shared problems. There is a great group of people on the forum who'll talk through the issues you're facing. You've taken some important steps to start to tell us about what is happening.

If you're up to it, I'd love to hear something about your experiences which has lead you to where you are now. What's been happening? Some of us might be able to help.

Has anyone mentioned to you that these thoughts are likely to be temporary? Like all our other thoughts, these thoughts most likely will move on as things change in your life.

A couple of other things, you mention that you are on on two antidepressants and two anti anxiety drugs. How long have you been on them? Have you told the prescribing doctor or the ARNP that you're still having suicidal thoughts? It's important to get the medication reviewed, as individuals require different doses and often this isn't known until you've tried them. One drug may work for X person, but for person y it might not work. That's why it's important to speak to your doctor about them.

How have you been finding the counselling?

You might find this article useful:


It's been written by Calypso who you'll see about on the forum.

If you need emergency medical treatment please call 911.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
21,150
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Mole please dont do anything to yourself, i know things might seem black at the moment but you can feel better :hug:

i do hope something happens that helps you feel better :hug:
 
Mario82

Mario82

Taking a break
Joined
Apr 4, 2020
Messages
3,781
Location
UK
Mole please don't do it, life can get better I promise x
 
M

Mole

Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Washington
The reason I can tell that it is depression talking is because I feel so strongly that it would be better for the people in my life if I kill myself - I know the reality is that it would wreak havoc for others.

I am probably not going to kill myself on July 2 - I have set and reset the date several times - but it is such a freeing idea and so liberating to express, and I feel such comfort from knowing that the shit show that I have turned my life into doesn’t have to keep swirling down the bowl.

The dog probably has only a few weeks left at the most (he’s 14 and his back legs are going out) but the cat is going to be problematic...she’s only 8.

We are still on COVID 19 lockdown so the counseling is over the phone, and I tend to reach out for help and then just say I’m fine. Should probably try SSRIs but I had pretty bad side effects before so I am very anxious about trying new meds. The anti anxiety drugs are just beta blockers and antihistamines which make me feel groggy and apathetic. I miss Valium - I always found it calms me down but lets me think at the same time - I don’t ask for it because I don’t want anyone to think I am “drug seeking” - because I would be.

thank you to everyone - I don‘t want to talk to anyone I know - on the outside it looks like I have a blessed life but I am so miserable.
 
M

Mole

Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Washington
I should mention that when I was a child (I first remember doing this about age 9) I would try to kill myself so I have been suicidal off and on for almost 50 years.

Currently the problem is work - I am having problems with memory and decision making so I can’t perform at work which makes me very anxious and depressed - which creates problems with memory and decision making...everything was bad before but with COVID 19 all the rules changed and it seems like I’m the only one even trying but everything I do is wrong - which makes me anxious and depressed and then I cry and rock, decompensate. Sigh
 
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