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Better late than never

H

Healing2015

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2015
Messages
10
I've had depressions since I left college. It's in my genes. I worked for over ten years before falling apart. I hit an abusive period in my life and for a few years I just wanted to die.

I'm better depression wise. I'm mildly depressed now but that's my norm anyway.

I've been off work three years. My benefits are being assessed now. My interview is tomorrow. I'm not going for pip. They can shove it. I've barely eaten for a month. Constant anxiety. Shove it.

My ESA will run out soon. I intend to get a job asap. An easy part time job.

I'm not able emotionally to cope with benefit assessments. Maybe I'm being sent a sign. Get back to work. Put it all behind you and get your life started.

I'm so scared but I can't cope with assessments. Out of the fire and into the frying pan?

I have considered suicide a lot the past month. This seems the only solution. It is suicide or work. I have to work.

I'm scared though. Scared I'll crack again and be homeless.
 
catkin

catkin

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Mar 21, 2011
Messages
5,170
Location
in a bit of a ravel
Welcome xx
This is the horrible impossible position the assessments are forcing people into, you can't work unless well enough. Is it ESA interview tomorrow? Tell them how it really is and what you feel your choices are, they shouldn't put us in these stressful positions.
Do you have support to go with you?
I hope you get on OK xx
 
H

Healing2015

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2015
Messages
10
It is for pip. My mum is helping me. I just don't want info about me being shared. I don't think I can cope with what the gp might write. I heard sometimes secretaries do the pip form and gp signs. Do they post or fax or email? Tomorrow could be the end of my peace.

It's one thing after another. Work is the only way to escape. I might die.

I once was diagnosed personality disorder but this was changed to major depressiin disorder. My only diagnosis is mdd. I'm so scared the gp will put both. I feel like death is the only way out. I can't go through it again. That diagnosis made me hurt myself very badly many times. I was assessed in depth and it was found wrong but old diagnoses never go away it seems. I also had a schizophrenia diagnosis but was found to have depressive psychosis instead.

It's too much. My privacy. What about that. I do not have schizophrenia and I do not have personality disorder. I can't live with them. I was a staff nurse who became very depressed. That's all.
 
H

Healing2015

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2015
Messages
10
All these diagnoses are. I cannot think of a word. Harmful?

I'm job hunting. Escaping the nhs. Escaping atos and the others.

I'm getting out.

I was told not a good idea going back to work. Just do voluntary.

Not possible.

I feel like everyone has failed me my whole life.
I feel alone and too weak to have a bath never mind more.

I have no choice.

It's work or sink.

I'm scared of the future. I can't breathe.

I have to find a quiet and nice little pt job. It's the only way out of this dark hole.
 
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