Bereavement Support groups and Casualty storyline.

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Surviving Butterfly

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#1
I am a bit concerned over this.
I am worried that it is not going to help people and it is such a sensitive storyline, i feel people need to be given more information.

I have recently caught up with this programme and realised early on that Ruth was going to attempt a suicide.I also realise that next weeks episode will be surrounding her reasons for doing it.
I have recently been bereaved twice by suicide and understand that this is an important topic to be covered and raise awareness of the issues surrounding it - providing it is done sensitively.
But i sincereley hope that when they air this programme you consider that it might lead other people to do it - or give warnings before the programme that it may be difficult to watch.

In nottinghamshire this year there have been 19 youth suicides that they believe may be related to each other - but of course in nottinghamshire alone, there are going to be 19 families grieving over this.

I am rather shocked at the lack of information provided on tbe bbc website and the majority of it seems to be aimed at bereaved parents - what about siblings and partners, sons and daughters?

I belong to a group - we have about 15 members - but we know for a fact that there are many more than 15 bereaved people out there.
Making information of groups like SOBS available on the website - might help a lot of people... and the help is right there -rather than hidden, as it was for me, while i had to spend hours searching for it.

I understand they want to tackle hard hitting storylines but there is a shockingly small amount of information - or even help for thosebereaved in this way.

People have been signing a petition to the government for more help for those suffering a loss.

Perhaps this could ALSO be made available for people to see....
I include the relevent links.

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/losttosuicide/

This is specifially for people in the East midlands and meets in nottingham once a month, at the moment - but hoping to move to permanent premesis.
http://www.new.ac/sobs/Contacts.htm

I guess i wondered what other people thought and whether anyone else is effected by this.

thanks
 
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Windblows

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#2
Think about it

Hi Surviving Butterfly:welcome:

I have looked at the SOBs link and it is a lovely website, quite beautiful.

Sorry to hear about your two such sad bereavements. I too have been deeply affected by death serveral times. Not going into any details of that just now. Death and Dying is one of the OU courses I am embarking on right now and i think these are subjects that we all need to be able to take time to come to a better understanding of before such occassions hit.

We would all feel better if we were at peace with the idea of our own eventual death and that would help us with the loss of others that go before us. My sister told me of the time our Grandma died. She was suddenly so fearful and said "What do i do?" my sister held her hand and said " don't worry Grandma, just go towards the light". We have all heard of this light and this type of knowledge can be such comfort.

Death is only a disturbing matter due to fear of the unknown.

I am sure birth is just as traumatic as death is percieved to be. Imagine being in the womb all at peace and safe and warm - the impact of emerging into a less comforting exterior must be scary. But we do not remember being born.

Being beareaved is a very different experience to being born or dying oneself. However it helps to realise that however terrible that loss was for you the person who is gone is now at peace. Sometimes this is difficult to believe when the circumstances involve suicide because someone may have told you that they have sinned by doing that. That is a lie. Its true we are not meant to kill ourselves but someone under the strain of suicidal feelings is not a sinner. Nor can we judge those who kill themselves willfully for any other reason such as pain or any sitation where there is external pressure beyond their control.

I am not saying this because by not judging others harshly it prohibits judgement on myself, though that might be true. However, those who lose people they cared about due to suicide often feel a great sence of blame and wish they could have been there to offer help in time. The worry about the wellbeing of that person in the afterlife is an additional burden on the bereaved that can be safely let go of by realising the truth.

I was not there for my neighbour who was only 20 yrs old and unknown to me must have been suddenly deeply depressed and unable to see another way out of his unhappy state. It was a shock to learn what had happened to him. Suicide became a taboo subject because of the guilt or the blame us neighbours felt.

The boy was not to blame. No one wanted to think about it.
 
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Windblows

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#3
petition

Hi again Surviving butterfly.

I have signed the petition.

More could also be done to help children who lose a parent under any circumstances.
 
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jo..b

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#4
hi im new to this forum i have neurological functtional dissosiative disorder plese excuse typing errors as i have eye problems and coordination problems amongest other things.
there is a project in nottm called spiral, they offer beareavmeent counselling o children, they have a website, my three children are currenty using their counselling services due to the death of their dad three years ago from cancer, they do stuff focusing on death by suicide if appropriate.
for anyone dealing with the death of a partner throu whatever reason theres a group called WAY (widowed and young) its for people widowed aged 50 and under, there are groups nationally and there is one in nottingham that i ws a member of for three years.
im looking forwards to getting to know you all.
 
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Windblows

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#5
Hello Jo..b
Seems we have quite alot in common. I recently had an accessment that concluded I have some Dyslexic difficulties and this was why I'd struggled with Open University studies and despite slow progress i am sticking with those until, hopefully, I get the qualification aimed at. My problem is with reading attention, spelling and such like. I am able to correct my mistakes on the PC as I go along - so long as I noticed them.

My own bereavement, of my husband from cancer, was over 12 years ago now. I was unable at the time to find any help my then 5 year old son other than Winstons wish. Unfortunately I found this did not offer an appropriate service in our case. It was very expensive as it involved the children going away for a while to a specialist centre. From what you say it seems Spiral may be offering help that is much more attainable in all respects.

At the time of my bereavement there was a group for young widows in Nottingham being led by people no longer actually 50 or less because they wanted to give something back. I went along for a while including some of their social outings, such as meals and a party at someones home. Is this anything like WAY? Anyhow, I don't look it I am told, but I am now 54 so too old!?

What is it you are hoping to find from the forum Jo..b?
 
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funiman

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#6
Is there a service or group for males aged 51, who have never been able to deal with deaths, my elder sister 8 years ago, my father 4 years ago, and my best closest and most trusted friend on 9th of march this year, and please don't say CRUSE as i did contact them after my sister, heard nothing, contacted them after my father, finally i had a visit, on the 3rd visit the very nice gentleman who had been doing this work for many years, said i had to many conflicting issues outside the bereavements for him to help me, hahahahahahaha.
 
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Windblows

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#7
Very sorry for this slow response Funiman - and I really have not got an answer in the form of a group. I had a similar experience with Cruise when I was bereaved and it seems there really is not much support there. The volunteers just can't deal with the depth of feeling themselves and seem to cope by distancing themselves which is no help at all.

Have you thought about forming a group yourself? If so try Self help Connect to help you get started. Tel 0115 9111662 and if there is already such a group in existence they should know about it.
 
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ramboghettouk

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#8
when my dad died i contacted some bereavement service in brent they said they couldn't help me as i was schitzoprenic i said isn't that a breech of disability discrimination they said not if you haven't the training after rethink phoned they gave me some begrudged councilling
 
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