Being yourself & making friends

[bluebell24]

Hi everyone,

I know this is possibly more friendship related but I really wanted a perspective from others with bipolar.

I've read lots of posts and so realise that I'm not alone in wondering 'what is the real me' post-diagnosis. I'm beginning to get lots better and feeling a wee bit more confident about being my happy self, even though still experiencing depression.

But I suppose the nearer I get to feeling 100% the more I am wondering about two things; how I feel okay about being myself without fear that if I'm happy that's a sign I'm getting too happy, and how I manage making new friends.

It's not as though I have a host of people queueing up to be my friend but my husband and I have relocated recently, and I know that as we begin to properly settle into new jobs, new places to live & socialise etc we will get talking to people. I just get really scared of the prospect of making friends.

The problems I had when ill recently included becoming over dependent on a friend to the point of obsessive communications and placing too much responsibility on that person for my well-being. I don't think that would happen again but I guess I'm a little bit nervous as a result. I think I must be a better person to know now because I am finally getting treatment and dealing with things so much better so I know that's good.

But I'm just scared ... I'm not sure if I'm making any sense but I just have this general nervousness about relaxing around other people, being brave enough to be myself and finding a balance between putting up massive barriers and not completely overstepping boundaries.

Even though I know I was very much in the wrong in the friendship that went awry when I was ill, that person made me feel okay to be utterly myself and liked me for me when reasonably well.

Sorry, this is rambling but I am just trying to get a measure of other peoples' experiences I suppose. Friendship really matters to me; I feel I still have a lot to give to other people and miss having very few people to share with and having mutually enjoyable/relationships with!

 

[TOONAFISH]

Hi, i def wonder who i am now, and also worry about being too happy which is new.

I really analyse my friends now and often wonder if they still like me or what they think about my illness. or if they feel they should be my frined rather than wanting to me iyswim.

i try to make new friends too but find some people stand offish and wonder if im being to forward.

xxx

 

[teddybear2067]

=)

Having friends is an important part of dealing with Bipolar, at least in my experience. They gave me a reason to keep fighting through the bad days. If I didn't have such a connection to my friends, I think I'd become a hollow shell. Not caring about anything.
Bipolar Disorder always feels like you're being pulled both ways (hence the name). It's like that with your moods, your decisions, your life. In consideration to making new friends, you'll probably put loads of defences up at first, because you're that much suseptible to being badly hurt emotionaly. But after a while those walls will break down and you'll feel fantastic friendships. And yes there can be that feeling of dependance there too, but who's to say that's a bad thing? Like anything, you just need to learn to control it to a healthy level...it only takes time.
Dont be afraid of making new friends. Just give yourself the time you need to be comfortable enough to trust yourself to love them fully.

 

[>.<]

Having friends is an important part of dealing with Bipolar, at least in my experience. They gave me a reason to keep fighting through the bad days. If I didn't have such a connection to my friends, I think I'd become a hollow shell. Not caring about anything.
Bipolar Disorder always feels like you're being pulled both ways (hence the name). It's like that with your moods, your decisions, your life. In consideration to making new friends, you'll probably put loads of defences up at first, because you're that much suseptible to being badly hurt emotionaly. But after a while those walls will break down and you'll feel fantastic friendships. And yes there can be that feeling of dependance there too, but who's to say that's a bad thing? Like anything, you just need to learn to control it to a healthy level...it only takes time.
Dont be afraid of making new friends. Just give yourself the time you need to be comfortable enough to trust yourself to love them fully.

I agree. Especially about the walls thing. I dont make friends easily because I'm scared of getting hurt, and I dont trust easily because I'm very sensitive. However, when I do make friends, its much more meaningful. I've come to the conclusion that if people have a problem with my illnesses, they can shove off because I dont need people like that in my life. The people who matter are still here for me