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Being treated like a child

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BornGone

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Dec 26, 2019
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Germany
So yeah, I notices that many new people I meet ,especially older people, start to treat me like a child once they notice that I am anxious. Which is pretty hurtfull because I am 21 years old and look like 30.
It also makes it harder to actually talk to those people. Like how do you respond to this stuff? Do you go with it or do you tell them off?
I mean, they probably intention to be nice, which makes getting angry inappropiate.

But at the same time I see why they would start to act like that. Today I 'talked' to a neighbours girl after she collected her dog which I was watching for a few hours and it felt like hearing me talk. Short answers, more yes than anything and so on.

Still it is kind of putting me down.

Does anyone come into similar situations? And if yes how do you get people to quit acting like that towards you?
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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I am sorry to hear people talk to you as though you are a child. I wonder if you could sound confident and a bit assertive in your voice? I think that could help but it is very difficult to force that.
 
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Nukelavee

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London, ON
I look a fair bit younger than I am, and while I don't get treated like a child, I do get patronized or talked over a lot.

Depending on the situation, I make a point of establishing age. Sometimes, quite forcefully. sometimes with "I'm sorry I'm aging better than you are".

Treating people as a child, whether due to age or other reasons, is pretty common.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Canada
treat me like a child once they notice that I am anxious
Do you have any specific examples of how they treat you like a child?

How do you know that they notice your anxiousness? Do they comment on that directly?
 
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BornGone

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Dec 26, 2019
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Germany
Do you have any specific examples of how they treat you like a child?

How do you know that they notice your anxiousness? Do they comment on that directly?
Hmm it is hard for me to describe. But it is similar to how grown ups talk to a shy child.
Voice changes. They rather talk to you than with you. Hope that makes some sense😅
 
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BornGone

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Germany
I am sorry to hear people talk to you as though you are a child. I wonder if you could sound confident and a bit assertive in your voice? I think that could help but it is very difficult to force that.
I don't know. That would make me feel like I am overreacting and I don't want to come off as being some angry guy
 
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BornGone

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Dec 26, 2019
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Germany
But why?
I look a fair bit younger than I am, and while I don't get treated like a child, I do get patronized or talked over a lot.

Depending on the situation, I make a point of establishing age. Sometimes, quite forcefully. sometimes with "I'm sorry I'm aging better than you are".

Treating people as a child, whether due to age or other reasons, is pretty common.
But it always seems to happen to me. I never saw people around me being talked to like that. By anyone.
 
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Nukelavee

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London, ON
But it always seems to happen to me. I never saw people around me being talked to like that. By anyone.
I'm not saying it doesn't happen to you, but - if you have anxiety, it will make you super sensitive top anything that seems critical or insulting. At the same time, we can be so wrapped up in our own experience, we just don't notice somebody elses.

PArt of it to, is people don't know how to deal with anxiety, so they overdo the being quiet and calm.
 
B

BornGone

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Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
96
Location
Germany
But why?
I look a fair bit younger than I am, and while I don't get treated like a child, I do get patronized or talked over a lot.

Depending on the situation, I make a point of establishing age. Sometimes, quite forcefully. sometimes with "I'm sorry I'm aging better than you are".

Treating people as a child, whether due to age or other reasons, is pretty common.
But it always seems to happen to me. I never saw people around me being talked to like that. By anyone
I'm not saying it doesn't happen to you, but - if you have anxiety, it will make you super sensitive top anything that seems critical or insulting. At the same time, we can be so wrapped up in our own experience, we just don't notice somebody elses.

PArt of it to, is people don't know how to deal with anxiety, so they overdo the being quiet and calm.
No, I did not mean that you are dismissing me being treated that way. It was more of a why always me than anything else.
I am too sensitive and I know that I tend to be caught in my own negative thoughts. My focus is always on the negative aspect of a conversation.Or turning it into something negative afterwards.
I wish I could do it differently but I dont know how
 
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Nukelavee

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Dec 17, 2019
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London, ON
I wish I could do it differently but I dont know how
I wish I had a simple fix for you.

I took a course in CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, to help with my anxiety. It was a group setting. It helped me, and seemed to help about half of the other people in the time I was with them.

At it's most basic, it comes down to forcing yourself to do things despite anxiety. So, if talking to people, or just being around them, makes you anxious, you force yourself to do it, but in controlled ways. MAybe you need to start making eye contact more. Make yourself speak up. Say hello, how are you to people. Just do it. OVer time, that will get easier, and teh anxiety will take more to trigger it.

Anxiety is about worrying about outcomes. I've found that many of those outcomes are so unlikely, it's become easy to ignore them when they pop up.

A woman in my group had terrible social anxiety, could barely go out. Halfway through the course, she was making progress, and wnet to Wal-Mart to "test" herself.

She ended up throwing up all over the counter and salesgirl, and collapsed. Which is pretty worst case, right? the thing is, it was her worst feared kinda outcome, except she figured if it ever happened, people would point and mock her for being a freak. Instead, people were concerned and helpful, they were understanding. (MAybe not the salesgirl, but she had reasons to be unhappy). It helped her realize her greatest fear was false. It took her a week to get over it, but it didn't stop her.

Little steps, pushing yourself a tiny bit more. You can do this, I believe in you.
 
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Ninja3088

Member
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Oct 2, 2020
Messages
12
Location
Ashland,oregon
Hey there! :)
I know kind of how you feel because I have bipolar so am also prone to depression and anxiety. Because of conditioning from my parents as well as my own genetic mental health issues I’ve been shy my whole life and tend to talk in a way that makes me sound much younger than I am. But I’ve noticed that as I have more life experiences I’ve noticed significant improvements. For me, working more has forced me to have more social interactions and I’ve been grateful for this since left on my own I tend to isolate which is a habit that I haven’t fully broken.

I don’t know if this is helpful but I want you to know I understand how you feel.
 
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