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Being taken seriously

W

WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
382
Location
UK
Go private if you can, exaggerate your symptoms if you can't.
I'd say that's fairly unhelpful. Because it inevitably leads to professionals claiming you are attention seeking and then help is even less likely. Each to their own though.
 
W

WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
382
Location
UK
Apparent Competence.

This is a term that means you appear better at coping or more able than you actually feel or are. If you are able to cope in one situation, people assume you can cope in every situation. Whilst it makes sense why people would assume that, it really feels invalidating when people do it.

I always ask people this question when talking about this feeling that professionals don't care or that they are dismissed as not being "unwell enough".

Are you communicating your distress effectively?

I have met people who have been really upset but their body language and/or facial expression doesn't show it... AT ALL. They say how bad they feel but the observer isn't getting the message because the person isn't displaying the signs of distress. There is HUGE evidence that people with BPD tend to have a much smaller range of facial expressions when it comes to emotions and that this is one of the factors why they often feel unheard. If your body language conveys a different message to the one you are saying verbally, the average person will almost ALWAYS go with the non-verbal. Why? Because people lie... alot! We trust non-verbal much more than verbal communication because other people (before you have turned up) exaggerate, dramatise, lie, tell half truths or omit information. Then you walk in and the person in front of you has all of that experience in their mind and they will always look for signs that you are not being truthful.

That is completely unfair and there is a strong injustice in this and at the same time I can totally see why professionals have that tendency. If we see something too often we begin to make assumptions and generalisations about what to expect. Sadly the last BPD person may have gone into the local team or A&E and lied, threatened, dramatised etc and soon every BPD person is tainted with that brush. Unfair but also fairly human.

That's just my take. I am not a professional but know many through various interactions with them personally. I am giving a view based on my conversations with them. Hope this helps.

WSS
 
M

MHFPokeplantz

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
77
Location
Brazil
Apparent Competence.

This is a term that means you appear better at coping or more able than you actually feel or are. If you are able to cope in one situation, people assume you can cope in every situation. Whilst it makes sense why people would assume that, it really feels invalidating when people do it.

I always ask people this question when talking about this feeling that professionals don't care or that they are dismissed as not being "unwell enough".

Are you communicating your distress effectively?

I have met people who have been really upset but their body language and/or facial expression doesn't show it... AT ALL. They say how bad they feel but the observer isn't getting the message because the person isn't displaying the signs of distress. There is HUGE evidence that people with BPD tend to have a much smaller range of facial expressions when it comes to emotions and that this is one of the factors why they often feel unheard. If your body language conveys a different message to the one you are saying verbally, the average person will almost ALWAYS go with the non-verbal. Why? Because people lie... alot! We trust non-verbal much more than verbal communication because other people (before you have turned up) exaggerate, dramatise, lie, tell half truths or omit information. Then you walk in and the person in front of you has all of that experience in their mind and they will always look for signs that you are not being truthful.

That is completely unfair and there is a strong injustice in this and at the same time I can totally see why professionals have that tendency. If we see something too often we begin to make assumptions and generalisations about what to expect. Sadly the last BPD person may have gone into the local team or A&E and lied, threatened, dramatised etc and soon every BPD person is tainted with that brush. Unfair but also fairly human.

That's just my take. I am not a professional but know many through various interactions with them personally. I am giving a view based on my conversations with them. Hope this helps.

WSS
Makes sense, 2 sides of the story
The hard part is that MANY ppl cant express THAT well what they feel, exactly because of the coping mechanism some acquire during time, so they either mask/fake the symptoms or go above em, and when they simply need help and need to look at the symptoms, they hardly can (identify them), or cant express accureately w words body language etc
In both sides (patients and professionals) the problem is deeply rooted, unfortunately
 
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