Being sensitive - too sensitive ?

[Bluemoon]

I keep getting told this, not just from family but the people who are involved with my care - that I'm too sensitive and that I dwell on things too much. I was always like it through school even from being very young. My brother once said to me after I became unwell with my illness that I was always depressed - which isn't exactly true because I have always enjoyed a good laugh but also making others laugh. I was quite silly at times, maybe that was my way of cheering myself up I really don't know. But anyway it's really bugging me that I'm so sensitive to peoples' reactions, actions and even just the way they look at me sometimes. I know that's why I was bullied growing up because I was easily offended as well - still am to be honest but I do weigh things up better than I have ever done and can dismiss certain things easily even though they keep popping in to my mind on occasion some times afterwards. I keep asking myself why I keep thinking about this or that because I choose to put it aside and forget it or at least want to.

I will just give a summary here, but apart from the bullying I experienced, my family life was stressful growing up because my parents didn't get along yet stayed together ( on and off ) until I was 15. My brother was quite nasty to me most of the time as well. What made that harder was that my mum became mentally ill when I was 10 years old and I worried about her constantly. My dad never bothered with me and my brother very much, seemed to be in a bad mood with his job but also more interested in watching TV or doing his own thing most of the time. This took it's toll on me because there were days that I couldn't face going in to school or even concentrate on the work some days. You could say I took some emotional abuse and dealt with a lot of negative events in those years of my youth but luckily I was never physically abused. I wonder if all of this is what has caused the extra sensitivity - the negative environments I've been in and the negative feedback off some of my peers.

At 18 I was diagnosed with stress-induced psychosis and a year later that was amended to schizophrenia when I began to hear voices - most of which make negative comments on not only myself but when I do things. That is also anther major source of my sensitivity I think.

Anyone else here share anything like this ?

 

[Michael]

Okay I shall admit to be too sensitive, I constantly listen to what people say and do and take them at their word - invarably they overstate there meaning, others appear to make allowances for it - I don't and this has lead me into many an anxiety which with the experience of time has proved to have been a waste of energy.
It's got to the stage where at work whilst people talk to me they think before they speak and don't use bad language, whilst this sounds good it has also lead to periods where people just don't talk to me and certainly don't have a laugh and a joke with me in case I take it the wrong way - and then it certainly gets lonely!

I have times when I work work tremendously hard to overcome this, but I have never been able (as yet) to keep it up and then I fall back hard.

Right now though I am having a good period, I can keep busy and the general talk I have is generalised around work and the day in general. I just wish this weather would ease up so I could go for a walk with my dog, she never seems to miss interpret!

Michael

 

[Bluemoon]

RE: Michael

Thanks for sharing . I used to take joke the wrong way all the time, even when I was having a hard time through school some would tell me that they were only joking - the trouble is, once word got around that I was that way the bullies used it as a weapon against me. Eventually though I did learn to laugh back at insults or call the person involved a "cheeky <swear word>" or smile and then they would let it go - I guess that's what I should have done all along but better late then never. I was a loner at times throughout my early teens until I worked that one out.

 

[ems]

sensitive - being too sensitive

I keep getting told this, not just from family but the people who are involved with my care - that I'm too sensitive and that I dwell on things too much. I was always like it through school even from being very young. My brother once said to me after I became unwell with my illness that I was always depressed - which isn't exactly true because I have always enjoyed a good laugh but also making others laugh. I was quite silly at times, maybe that was my way of cheering myself up I really don't know. But anyway it's really bugging me that I'm so sensitive to peoples' reactions, actions and even just the way they look at me sometimes. I know that's why I was bullied growing up because I was easily offended as well - still am to be honest but I do weigh things up better than I have ever done and can dismiss certain things easily even though they keep popping in to my mind on occasion some times afterwards. I keep asking myself why I keep thinking about this or that because I choose to put it aside and forget it or at least want to.

I will just give a summary here, but apart from the bullying I experienced, my family life was stressful growing up because my parents didn't get along yet stayed together ( on and off ) until I was 15. My brother was quite nasty to me most of the time as well. What made that harder was that my mum became mentally ill when I was 10 years old and I worried about her constantly. My dad never bothered with me and my brother very much, seemed to be in a bad mood with his job but also more interested in watching TV or doing his own thing most of the time. This took it's toll on me because there were days that I couldn't face going in to school or even concentrate on the work some days. You could say I took some emotional abuse and dealt with a lot of negative events in those years of my youth but luckily I was never physically abused. I wonder if all of this is what has caused the extra sensitivity - the negative environments I've been in and the negative feedback off some of my peers.

At 18 I was diagnosed with stress-induced psychosis and a year later that was amended to schizophrenia when I began to hear voices - most of which make negative comments on not only myself but when I do things. That is also anther major source of my sensitivity I think.

Anyone else here share anything like this ?

GOSH I CAN RELATE TO YOU. I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE ON HERE COULD RELATE TO YOU.
SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE SUFFERED FROM BEING IN DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES
IN FACT I DONT THINK THERE IS A FAMILY IN THE WORLD THAT ISNT DYSFUNTIONAL IN SOME WAY.
I THINK YOU WOULD NATURALLY BE SENSITIVE. I THINK BEING HURT BY THOSE WHO SHOULD LOVE YOU WOULD MAKE YOU VERY SENSITIVE. AND EACH TIME YOU GET "HURT" (EVEN IF IT ISNT IN THE FORE FRONT OF YOUR MIND) YOU EXPERIENCE THE MEMORIES OF PAST HURTS.
I DONT KNOW HOW OLD YOU ARE HOWEVER, HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE TO DISCUSS WITH YOUR CARE TEAM SOME OF THE PAIN YOU EXPERIENCE WHEN YOU REACT IN A HYPERSENSITIVE WAY TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO OR SAY.
YOUR FAMILY LIFE IS SAD. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU IS HAPPENING ALL THE TIME TO SO MANY CHILDREN. WORK SWAMPS OUR LIVES AND THE TV IS USED AS A TOOL TO SWITCH OFF OUT OWN FEELINGS.
WHEN YOUR MUM BECAME ILL IT MAY HAVE BEEN AS A RESULT OF YEARS OF UNHAPPINESS IN HER LIFE. IS YOUR MUM ALIVE AND WELL? ARE YOU IN CONTACT WITH HER?
LIFE IS A BITCH BUT YOU CAN MAY BE GET RID OF SOME OF THAT PAIN.
DOES IT HURT YOU TO REMEMBER YOUR MUM BEING STUCK IN AN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE? I DID THIS AND SO DO SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE AND I HAVE TO SAY IT WAS ONE OF THE BIGGEST MISTAKES I EVER MADE. YOU HURT YOURSELF, YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS.
I WANT TO SAY TO YOU - THIS IS COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO STILL HAS A LOT OF HURT IN HER AND NEEDS HEALING AND HELP - BUT THEIR IS HOPE AND THEIR IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
YOUR CARERS MAY NOT TRULY UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM. THEY PROBABLY DONT KNOW WHY YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE. THEY CAN ONLY SEE LIFE FROM THEIR VIEW. BUT MAYBE YOU COULD OPEN UP A BIT TO THEM. SOME TIMES OPENING UP MEANS TEARS, WITHDRAWAL AND WANTING COMFORT.
TRY AND TALK TO SOMEBODY THAT YOU CAN TRUST. SOMEBODY WHO WONT ABUSE THAT TRUST.
HOPE YOU ARE OK AND HERE IS A LITTLE FROM ME.

 

[Bluemoon]

GOSH I CAN RELATE TO YOU. I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE ON HERE COULD RELATE TO YOU.
SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE SUFFERED FROM BEING IN DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES
IN FACT I DONT THINK THERE IS A FAMILY IN THE WORLD THAT ISNT DYSFUNTIONAL IN SOME WAY.

I've read some articles on dysfunctional families and I was surprised to find that they are more common than what I thought. I remember many of my peers had a stable family life and they were always confident ( sometimes I used to wonder where they got it from ), happy, outgoing etc. I think they had an idea of what was going on at home with me in the end and some seemed to back off whilst others continued with their antics through until the end of school.

I THINK YOU WOULD NATURALLY BE SENSITIVE. I THINK BEING HURT BY THOSE WHO SHOULD LOVE YOU WOULD MAKE YOU VERY SENSITIVE. AND EACH TIME YOU GET "HURT" (EVEN IF IT ISNT IN THE FORE FRONT OF YOUR MIND) YOU EXPERIENCE THE MEMORIES OF PAST HURTS.

Yes , that's seems to be the way it works. My Dad used to tell me that I was being overly dramatic about the things that were going on at home - but it's like you say, getting hurt felt stronger than what it used to because older similar experiences would be remembered at the time as well.

I DONT KNOW HOW OLD YOU ARE HOWEVER, HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE TO DISCUSS WITH YOUR CARE TEAM SOME OF THE PAIN YOU EXPERIENCE WHEN YOU REACT IN A HYPERSENSITIVE WAY TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO OR SAY.

I'm 29, 30 next month. My psychologist had been going over my past to try to get an understanding of my way of thinking and the way I react. We are now focusing on present events and experiences and there is some evidence there of misinterpreting the meaning of what people are saying - kind of taking things out of context. I do think that is because of the heightened sensitivity I experience though. Also my thinking is maybe too analytical, my family and some of the carers, and even a couple of people I socialise with, tell me that I think about things too much or even too deeply.

YOUR FAMILY LIFE IS SAD. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU IS HAPPENING ALL THE TIME TO SO MANY CHILDREN. WORK SWAMPS OUR LIVES AND THE TV IS USED AS A TOOL TO SWITCH OFF OUT OWN FEELINGS.
WHEN YOUR MUM BECAME ILL IT MAY HAVE BEEN AS A RESULT OF YEARS OF UNHAPPINESS IN HER LIFE. IS YOUR MUM ALIVE AND WELL? ARE YOU IN CONTACT WITH HER?

As an adult I've become more aware of the problems many families are facing in the world of today. I think that is why so many youths are getting increasingly angry and violent, taking drugs etc because they are frustrated with their home life ( and other stresses ) and can't handle it - but that is quite a deep subject to go in to here. Maybe that is fuel for another topic ? Maybe this is why mental health problems are increasing at a rapid rate today ?
I used the TV to escape reality myself in my high school years ( especially 5th year ) and it worked, kept me calm and gave me something else to focus on. I used to look forward to coming home, having my tea and after I did my homework/some coursework I would "veg-out" in front of the TV for a few hours - I slept a whole lot better because of that.
I agree though that my mum became ill because of years of unhappiness - she's really a happy, outgoing and friendly person normally, so I see how an environment at home like the one we had would wear her down.
My mum is alive but she suffers from bi-polar disorder now, she doesn't do very much during the day and spends hours just thinking - she's retired so she has a lot of time on her hands. She does watch TV on an evening though, but I'm working on getting her out of the house more. I actually live at home with her right now and we both benefit from that in many ways so I don't have a problem with that. There is a pressure to leave home and get my own place, but until I am back in full time work that just won't happen. I tried sharing a council house with someone 5 years ago but the person I was sharing with was very selfish, stole my food and played loud music until 2am - I left after 4 weeks.

LIFE IS A BITCH BUT YOU CAN MAY BE GET RID OF SOME OF THAT PAIN.
DOES IT HURT YOU TO REMEMBER YOUR MUM BEING STUCK IN AN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE? I DID THIS AND SO DO SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE AND I HAVE TO SAY IT WAS ONE OF THE BIGGEST MISTAKES I EVER MADE. YOU HURT YOURSELF, YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS.

Life is full of challenges but it seems that if something can go wrong, it usually does ( sod's law ). Strange how that imbalance in life exists, what about all the stuff that can go right ?
It still hurts to think about what went on, every member of my family feels that way when I've mentioned it. But they say they put it out of their minds and focus on things that are happening today. I feel I handle it OK most of the time, but if I get drunk I can feel very upset and angry so I tend to avoid getting drunk for those reasons. A lot of stress doesn't help either.

I WANT TO SAY TO YOU - THIS IS COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO STILL HAS A LOT OF HURT IN HER AND NEEDS HEALING AND HELP - BUT THEIR IS HOPE AND THEIR IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

I've got a book, "Their is light at the end of the tunnel" that my brother got me some years back and reading that was encouraging. I guess when the time is right I will find my way out of this tunnel - trouble is I've got no idea of when that is going to happen.

YOUR CARERS MAY NOT TRULY UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM. THEY PROBABLY DONT KNOW WHY YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE. THEY CAN ONLY SEE LIFE FROM THEIR VIEW. BUT MAYBE YOU COULD OPEN UP A BIT TO THEM. SOME TIMES OPENING UP MEANS TEARS, WITHDRAWAL AND WANTING COMFORT.

I tell the outreach team how I feel when I see them, quite frankly, but I save the stronger and deeper feelings to share with my psychologist. The outreach team are great, very helpful and seem to understand how I'm feeling but I have to be careful not to load too much on them because it's not their job to council me - just to get me out and about doing things. Now that I have me own car though, I don't really know what is going to happen next.
To be honest, when I've talked to my psychologist, I have on many occasions nearly broke down in tears but I tend to fight them feelings off before that happens - maybe I shouldn't, but growing up as a boy and then in to my early teens I had to do just that. It's like a learned behaviour because back then I didn't want to appear weak to other boys and was a way of surviving more bullying. However, the psychologist shows a lot of empathy and when my voice wavers on occasion I can see by the look in her eyes that she feels for me - and probably thinks I'm about to burst in to tears at any moment .

TRY AND TALK TO SOMEBODY THAT YOU CAN TRUST. SOMEBODY WHO WONT ABUSE THAT TRUST.

My family have been great in the past, but these days they avoid all talk about what happened. I understand that fully, so I tend to save everything for my psychologist - there is no one else I can talk to, but then that is why I come to these forums to share my experiences with others and that it will help others to realise they are not alone.

HOPE YOU ARE OK AND HERE IS A LITTLE FROM ME.

Thanks - hope that you are fine too .

Now I need .

 

[ems]

Friendships And Relationships

I've read some articles on dysfunctional families and I was surprised to find that they are more common than what I thought. I remember many of my peers had a stable family life and they were always confident ( sometimes I used to wonder where they got it from ), happy, outgoing etc. I think they had an idea of what was going on at home with me in the end and some seemed to back off whilst others continued with their antics through until the end of school.



Yes , that's seems to be the way it works. My Dad used to tell me that I was being overly dramatic about the things that were going on at home - but it's like you say, getting hurt felt stronger than what it used to because older similar experiences would be remembered at the time as well.





I'm 29, 30 next month. My psychologist had been going over my past to try to get an understanding of my way of thinking and the way I react. We are now focusing on present events and experiences and there is some evidence there of misinterpreting the meaning of what people are saying - kind of taking things out of context. I do think that is because of the heightened sensitivity I experience though. Also my thinking is maybe too analytical, my family and some of the carers, and even a couple of people I socialise with, tell me that I think about things too much or even too deeply.



As an adult I've become more aware of the problems many families are facing in the world of today. I think that is why so many youths are getting increasingly angry and violent, taking drugs etc because they are frustrated with their home life ( and other stresses ) and can't handle it - but that is quite a deep subject to go in to here. Maybe that is fuel for another topic ? Maybe this is why mental health problems are increasing at a rapid rate today ?
I used the TV to escape reality myself in my high school years ( especially 5th year ) and it worked, kept me calm and gave me something else to focus on. I used to look forward to coming home, having my tea and after I did my homework/some coursework I would "veg-out" in front of the TV for a few hours - I slept a whole lot better because of that.
I agree though that my mum became ill because of years of unhappiness - she's really a happy, outgoing and friendly person normally, so I see how an environment at home like the one we had would wear her down.
My mum is alive but she suffers from bi-polar disorder now, she doesn't do very much during the day and spends hours just thinking - she's retired so she has a lot of time on her hands. She does watch TV on an evening though, but I'm working on getting her out of the house more. I actually live at home with her right now and we both benefit from that in many ways so I don't have a problem with that. There is a pressure to leave home and get my own place, but until I am back in full time work that just won't happen. I tried sharing a council house with someone 5 years ago but the person I was sharing with was very selfish, stole my food and played loud music until 2am - I left after 4 weeks.



Life is full of challenges but it seems that if something can go wrong, it usually does ( sod's law ). Strange how that imbalance in life exists, what about all the stuff that can go right ?
It still hurts to think about what went on, every member of my family feels that way when I've mentioned it. But they say they put it out of their minds and focus on things that are happening today. I feel I handle it OK most of the time, but if I get drunk I can feel very upset and angry so I tend to avoid getting drunk for those reasons. A lot of stress doesn't help either.



I've got a book, "Their is light at the end of the tunnel" that my brother got me some years back and reading that was encouraging. I guess when the time is right I will find my way out of this tunnel - trouble is I've got no idea of when that is going to happen.



I tell the outreach team how I feel when I see them, quite frankly, but I save the stronger and deeper feelings to share with my psychologist. The outreach team are great, very helpful and seem to understand how I'm feeling but I have to be careful not to load too much on them because it's not their job to council me - just to get me out and about doing things. Now that I have me own car though, I don't really know what is going to happen next.
To be honest, when I've talked to my psychologist, I have on many occasions nearly broke down in tears but I tend to fight them feelings off before that happens - maybe I shouldn't, but growing up as a boy and then in to my early teens I had to do just that. It's like a learned behaviour because back then I didn't want to appear weak to other boys and was a way of surviving more bullying. However, the psychologist shows a lot of empathy and when my voice wavers on occasion I can see by the look in her eyes that she feels for me - and probably thinks I'm about to burst in to tears at any moment .



My family have been great in the past, but these days they avoid all talk about what happened. I understand that fully, so I tend to save everything for my psychologist - there is no one else I can talk to, but then that is why I come to these forums to share my experiences with others and that it will help others to realise they are not alone.



Thanks - hope that you are fine too .

Now I need .

I THINK YOU ARE VERY HONEST WITH YOURSELF. I THINK THAT THIS IS A GREAT THINK. WE CAN HID OURSELVES FROM OTHERS AND WEAR MASKS BUT IF WE HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO BE HONEST WITH OUR OWN SELF IT IS GOOD. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, EVEN IF YOU MAY FEEL LIKE YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR THE TRUTH. IF YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU REACT THEN
YOU CAN WORK ON THAT.
TV - SOMETIMES I LOATHE IT BUT OTHERS TIMES IT IS A GREAT DISTRACTION AND FOR MANY MANY PEOPLE IT IS ANOTHER VOICE, IT IS A FRIEND AND COMPANION WHEN THE REST OF THE WORLD DOESNT CARE.
I CAN BE A LIFE LINE.
MANY MANY LITTLE BOYS USE TO "NOT CRY". YOU KNOW THE OLD EXPRESSION "BIG BOYS DONT CRY". BUT THEY DO. EVEN IF THEY DONT SHOW IT OUTWARDLY, INWARDLY THEY ARE SOBBING THEIR HEARTS OUT.
ALONG WITH MANY LITTLE GIRLS

 

[Bluemoon]

I THINK YOU ARE VERY HONEST WITH YOURSELF. I THINK THAT THIS IS A GREAT THINK. WE CAN HID OURSELVES FROM OTHERS AND WEAR MASKS BUT IF WE HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO BE HONEST WITH OUR OWN SELF IT IS GOOD. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, EVEN IF YOU MAY FEEL LIKE YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR THE TRUTH. IF YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU REACT THEN
YOU CAN WORK ON THAT.

Sorry about the delay, I've had a busy few days so. . .

I think that being honest with oneself is very important - especially in regulating confidence but also how you feel towards others. If you are overconfident, then mistakes are made and you can loose what you would've gained had you not "lied to yourself."
If someone hurts you then it's best to just tell them rather than hide it or laugh it off and pretend to be comfortable with it ( like we guys tend to be brought up to do - just read news article on why young men commit suicide ) - just so that you don't loose them as a friend or whatever relationship you have with said person. That also wins respect as well if you stand up for yourself and if the other person doesn't like it or can't debate it calmly and rationally then it's best to go find a new friend etc. However like I said in a previous post ^^^ I used to laugh insults off other guys ( just peers really ) in school because showing hurt just made things worse - adult life is somewhat different, but we aren't talking about friends here, just peers.

TV - SOMETIMES I LOATHE IT BUT OTHERS TIMES IT IS A GREAT DISTRACTION AND FOR MANY MANY PEOPLE IT IS ANOTHER VOICE, IT IS A FRIEND AND COMPANION WHEN THE REST OF THE WORLD DOESNT CARE.
I CAN BE A LIFE LINE.

Exactly - TV can make a difference, it's a social thing as well and even just watching other people leading fictional lives in soaps etc can satisfy that need for social contact, esp among the elderly.

MANY MANY LITTLE BOYS USE TO "NOT CRY". YOU KNOW THE OLD EXPRESSION "BIG BOYS DONT CRY". BUT THEY DO. EVEN IF THEY DONT SHOW IT OUTWARDLY, INWARDLY THEY ARE SOBBING THEIR HEARTS OUT.
ALONG WITH MANY LITTLE GIRLS

You know my boss at work was telling me her husband cries quite frequently when he talks about his bad experiences. I think I'd do the same to be honest if I was in his position. I feel upset quite often but I tend to release the emotions without crying very successfully these days, but if I get even a little drunk I can find myself getting very emotional and find myself sobbing my heart out once I get to bed. That's why I have to be careful with drink because breaking down like that in the pub could be. . . unfortunate.

Anyway, thanks for your understanding replies .

 

[Ashami]

Hi there Bluemoon

I have just read your thread with interest as being too sensitive, serious and analytical are traits I have always been labelled with. I have a book recommendation that you may find interesting;

'Homecoming' by John Bradshaw ISBN: 0-7499-1054-2 / Pubisher: Piatkus

Blog on back cover;

"John Bradshaw is a major figure in the field of recovery and dysfunctional families. His 'inner child' work is a powerful new therapeutic tool. The people who come to his workshops bring with them persistent problems such as addiction, depression, troubled relationships and chronic dissatisfaction. He helps them to reach back to the source of their problems - their childhood and adolescence - and understand how the wounds received then can continue to contaminate their adult lives. He offers them te chance to reclaim and nurture their 'inner child' and grow up again. Ths experience has transformed their lives."

I believe we all have an inner child. A part of us that feels, thinks and behaves like a child.

When we grow up in a dysfunctional family we can become 'stuck' emotionally somewhere back in childhood, usually at times of trauma. We don't develop psychologically as we would have done coming from a functional and totally loving family. This leads to the sort of problems mentioned above in the blog. Our inner child is wounded.

A good indication of where in childhood you are stuck is how you react to things. For example, stomping off and slamming doors is adolescent behaviour, which would suggest something during adolescent created an emotional block in your development. This book is a great way of exploring each development stage of childhood and relating it to your own experiences. There are lots of exercises to give you an indication of how wounded your inner child is.

I have found it very useful in the sense that it allowed me to really explore and analyse my own experiences and focus in on where my inner child became wounded.

Personally, I don't think being a sensitive person is a negative thing. Jesus, The Dalai Llama, Ghandi, and many many thousands of great thinkers and peacemakers were and are extremely sensitive and analytical. Yes, I agree that lightening up is good for the soul but nobody can stay in the clouds forever. (well they can but how long can you discuss Liam & Clara kissing on Corrie or how many goals Spurs scored the weekend?)

Where would we be without our bleeding hearts and artists....?

In hell, that is where. A world of automated conformists queing because there's a queue and not asking why, that's where!

Not being able to take criticism and taking offense easily is a sure sign in my book that the childhood environment was negative and critical. It seems the messages you learn't in childhood may have been negative and your inner child is crying out for love and nurturing you should have received.

I hope this helps you on your journey

 

[Bluemoon]

Hi there Bluemoon

I have just read your thread with interest as being too sensitive, serious and analytical are traits I have always been labelled with. I have a book recommendation that you may find interesting;

'Homecoming' by John Bradshaw ISBN: 0-7499-1054-2 / Pubisher: Piatkus

Hi there winged one - I just took a look on Amazon and there are a lot of really positive comments made about this book and how it's changed peoples' way of thinking for the better. A great suggestion, thank you .

I believe we all have an inner child. A part of us that feels, thinks and behaves like a child.

I've had some discussions about this with one or two of the people involved in my care. I find this to be something that I believe without a doubt to be true. To be honest I feel that I'm very aware of my inner child and I'm still very aware of the way I used to think and feel when I was growing up - sometimes old feelings are triggered off and I'm always having nostalgic thoughts of old ideas and the way I perceived life back then. Sure certain bad seeds were planted back then by some other children, including my brother, that grew in such a way as to make me have a negative perception of myself and how I appear to others - but when I left high school that began to disappear only reappearing again when I became ill.

When we grow up in a dysfunctional family we can become 'stuck' emotionally somewhere back in childhood, usually at times of trauma. We don't develop psychologically as we would have done coming from a functional and totally loving family. This leads to the sort of problems mentioned above in the blog. Our inner child is wounded.

So very true - I do feel that my emotional growth was stunted at times. I could tell that the happy, confident, emotionally strong and less sensitive types tended to come from good functional families who spent a lot of time together and got on well - going on holidays, seeing films at the cinema regularly, weekend breaks away with some of their friends - the list goes on. I never had much of that but I know my parents still loved me, but they didn't love each other and so there was a lingering negative atmosphere around the house. Eventually when my parents spilt I performed much better at school, made more friends, became increasingly confident and achieved good GCSE results - if they had stayed together I feel the opposite would have happened.

This book is a great way of exploring each development stage of childhood and relating it to your own experiences. There are lots of exercises to give you an indication of how wounded your inner child is.

I have found it very useful in the sense that it allowed me to really explore and analyse my own experiences and focus in on where my inner child became wounded.

This does sound like something I need to do, my psychologist has been discussing my childhood and teenage years prior to the illness in a lot of detail and this book might provide the necessary aid to solve my way of thinking.

Personally, I don't think being a sensitive person is a negative thing. Jesus, The Dalai Llama, Ghandi, and many many thousands of great thinkers and peacemakers were and are extremely sensitive and analytical. Yes, I agree that lightening up is good for the soul but nobody can stay in the clouds forever. (well they can but how long can you discuss Liam & Clara kissing on Corrie or how many goals Spurs scored the weekend?)

I'm glad you feel that way because I felt that in the past my sensitivity was seen as a "weakness" and something to be bullied for. One of the outreach members told me that it's a good trait to have as a man since her husband is a sensitive type and that's one of the things she finds attractive about him. I hope I can find someone who feels that way towards me in the not too distant future.

Not being able to take criticism and taking offense easily is a sure sign in my book that the childhood environment was negative and critical. It seems the messages you learn't in childhood may have been negative and your inner child is crying out for love and nurturing you should have received.

I hope this helps you on your journey

I agree with you completely, one day I hope that I'll find that love - seems to be one of life's biggest quests. Thank you and a from me for your understanding reply.

Now, time for a cup of .

 

[Ashami]

Hey Bluemoon

Just remember this, although it looks like we women like macho guys who drink beer all the time and work out, it's not true.

Women dream of finding a sensitive guy!

Believe me, it's no fun living with a male dinosaur!

Anyway, hope you enjoy the book, keep me posted.

 

[Bluemoon]

Hey Bluemoon

Just remember this, although it looks like we women like macho guys who drink beer all the time and work out, it's not true.

Women dream of finding a sensitive guy!

I really appreciate you saying that - although I do work out but that's just a couple of times a week and is more for health reasons and to combat some of the side effects of my medication. I'm not interested in being an Arnold Swartzer. . .d'erm. . . Schwarzenegger type, but I must say though I do like having the extra energy and the stress release after a good session. As for drinking beer all the time, a big no-no, I hate getting drunk to start with and I stick with just a few pints when I'm out on a Saturday night. I don't like the idea of having a beer belly either . !

Believe me, it's no fun living with a male dinosaur!

- I can imagine what you mean there !

Anyway, hope you enjoy the book, keep me posted.

Will do, thank you .

I need .

 

[Bluemoon]

'Homecoming' by John Bradshaw ISBN: 0-7499-1054-2 / Pubisher: Piatkus

Hey Bluemoon
Anyway, hope you enjoy the book, keep me posted.

I think it's time for an update on this .

OK, so I ordered the book from Amazon and when it arrived I read up to the chapter that wants me to begin the meditation exercises. There was a warning and part of it mentioned about having mental health issues and to get advice from my Doc before using it. Now I don't see him until June so I told my psychologist instead. She told me that my Doc would be the best person to ask but recommended that it may be best to leave the meditations until I see my Doc in June. From what I understand, most of the book involves meditation as the vehicle of therapy and change so I've left a bookmark on where I read up to. I'm wondering if it's worth reading on and avoiding the meditations in a first pass read and coming back to the meditations later ?

Anyway, it's a good book and I can relate to a lot about the author has discussed thus far .

 

[Dollit]

Did the psychologist talk to you about why people with mental health issues should talk to the doctor first or did the book explain that? (Just being curious as I've read stuff and been told stuff in the past and not been told why)

 

[Bluemoon]

Did the psychologist talk to you about why people with mental health issues should talk to the doctor first or did the book explain that? (Just being curious as I've read stuff and been told stuff in the past and not been told why)

No, she didn't actually say why - I'm curious as to why, but the reason I think is because the meditations could trigger off all kinds of problems for someone who is experiencing mental health issues - like overwhelming feelings of repressed anger or something. I could try and email the author and ask him why but I'll just wait until I see my Doc and see what he says.

 

[Dollit]

Meditation or hypnosis isn't supposed to be used without medical supervision with anyone who has or may have episodes of psychosis. I think it's because they can make you more suggestible and therefore more vulnerable to further episodes of psychosis. These are actually NICE guidelines. You may find more information on www.rcpsych.ac.uk and to the left hand side at the top is a tab for mental health information. Very good website.