• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Being sad after meeting with people

M

Melana

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Austria
Hey,

So I have social anxiety and haven't talked to anyone except people I had known for a very long time for months, and now as university started, I went to some meetings with other students, and afterwards I always felt depressed, for reasons which seemed complex, but I do not know whether the reasons I was thinking of were the real ones. Today it was especially bad and I cried while I was on the way home, which felt very humiliating for me as someone who cares way too much about what the people around me think of me.

So, what were the reasons I thought of? I need to say that I always had anxiety, spend most of my time alone and only have two friends whom I know for years. But I am a different person when I am on my own and there always seemed to be a split between me being on my own and me being with others. I want this to change, I want to finally get to know more people because I do not like to know how I am not having what is considered a normal social life, because I want to make something out of my life and need to work together with others for doing so, and because everything I do, think, write, seems useless if I do not share it with others, if it will stay with me and I will die some day. I am not sure about it and did not have much success yet, but I think I could manage to reach this goal. But when I seem to get a small step closer – I never made a big one – I question whether I really should do so. I do not have much time and am the happiest (and probably also the sadest – I just have more time to focus on my emotions when I am not busy being anxious) when I am alone, and I fear that what I am would die if I created a new version of it which would fit into society – at least some parts of it.

And everything I care about has to do with other people – when I spend my time on the internet, I consume the products of other human beings all the time, so how paradox is it that everything feels wrong when I talk to them in real life? And I have no experience in social situations, I do not know how people work, so how should my thoughts, my views be of any value? I am not part of anything, everything else is an illusion. All I do has to do with people, but I do not know how they work.

My thoughts get so irrational when talking about my emotions, but I am just trying to explain what I am feeling, not to justify anything, and those often seem too complicated. I know that I will go on and cannot say what the future will bring. There can never be a good reason to feel sad, it is mainly a waste of energy. And when I feel like my life has been destroyed, I know that I will soon be too tired to care for anything deep inside.

Sorry for the long text. Was there any use in writing it? Do I think it will change anything? I do not know, but at least I shared my thoughts.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
6,755
Location
England
I know some people just seem to have social skills but for some of us we need more time to learn them. It sounds like you are trying hard and you are making connections with others. Sometimes being with others can take our mind of how we feel and once we are alone again the sadness comes back.
 
8

8177

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
19
Location
Texas
Hey,

So I have social anxiety and haven't talked to anyone except people I had known for a very long time for months, and now as university started, I went to some meetings with other students, and afterwards I always felt depressed, for reasons which seemed complex, but I do not know whether the reasons I was thinking of were the real ones. Today it was especially bad and I cried while I was on the way home, which felt very humiliating for me as someone who cares way too much about what the people around me think of me.

So, what were the reasons I thought of? I need to say that I always had anxiety, spend most of my time alone and only have two friends whom I know for years. But I am a different person when I am on my own and there always seemed to be a split between me being on my own and me being with others. I want this to change, I want to finally get to know more people because I do not like to know how I am not having what is considered a normal social life, because I want to make something out of my life and need to work together with others for doing so, and because everything I do, think, write, seems useless if I do not share it with others, if it will stay with me and I will die some day. I am not sure about it and did not have much success yet, but I think I could manage to reach this goal. But when I seem to get a small step closer – I never made a big one – I question whether I really should do so. I do not have much time and am the happiest (and probably also the sadest – I just have more time to focus on my emotions when I am not busy being anxious) when I am alone, and I fear that what I am would die if I created a new version of it which would fit into society – at least some parts of it.

And everything I care about has to do with other people – when I spend my time on the internet, I consume the products of other human beings all the time, so how paradox is it that everything feels wrong when I talk to them in real life? And I have no experience in social situations, I do not know how people work, so how should my thoughts, my views be of any value? I am not part of anything, everything else is an illusion. All I do has to do with people, but I do not know how they work.

My thoughts get so irrational when talking about my emotions, but I am just trying to explain what I am feeling, not to justify anything, and those often seem too complicated. I know that I will go on and cannot say what the future will bring. There can never be a good reason to feel sad, it is mainly a waste of energy. And when I feel like my life has been destroyed, I know that I will soon be too tired to care for anything deep inside.

Sorry for the long text. Was there any use in writing it? Do I think it will change anything? I do not know, but at least I shared my thoughts.
I think you did a great job of explaining your feelings. I know many of us agree -- we have some of the same feelings. They can be embarrassing, and hold us back. When and with whom to be vulnerable? You don't know till you try. I am 62 and was married for 13 yrs, now divorced for 24 yrs. I still feel naive. Do I let social opportunities pass because they are scary? You bet I do. Sometimes they don't seem worth the effort. I usually feel I am either marching in place or losing ground when I try to make friends. Then I blame myself. But I also feel if I don't at least try, I die a little more inside. It is a strength to take care of yourself. It is courage to stand up for yourself. All you can do when you want companionship is make the effort once in a while and hope for the best. And don't beat yourself up if it doesn't go the way you hope.
 
Top