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Being Raised by a Toxic Narcissistic Mother

cje924

cje924

Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Florida, US
My mother was(and still is today) very controlling, mentally and verbally abusive. And she believed in beatings, to which I disagree with today only because she would beat me for the smallest of things. Like finding a sock under my bed when I told her my room was clean. (I was 4 at the time) And I experienced a lot of neglect growing up.

Throughout my entire childhood my mother's biggest focus in life was in finding a husband. She's 61 now and still single, still chasing this dream... When I was about 10 my mother invited a man over and had locked me out of the house. Another time when I was 14 she dropped me off at the movies (i met with a friend) and after the movie ended she didn't answer her phone for another 2 hours or so because she had a man over. So I was stuck at theater for about 4-5 hrs.

When I was 13/14 my mom was supposed to pick me and my brother up from my grandmother's house one evening and she never showed up. We had to stay the night with my grandmother and didn't hear from my mom till the next day. She claimed she was mad at some guy and didn't feel like coming to get us.

Besides that there were other times she would refuse to buy me things I needed like glasses, school supplies, I had worn out shoes and my aunt had to buy new ones for me a lot. There's been different occasions where my mom needed me to help her pay rent when I was unemployed and in high school. I've always envied the way she treats men that she dates because she gives them her undivided attention, goes above and beyond for them, and treats them like they are God's gift to the earth. I'm not saying my mother has never been been good to me but she's done some really hurtful, messed up stuff. I've made it my goal in life to be the complete opposite of her. Can anyone relate?
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,065
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
My mother was also very cruel to me but in a different way. But I have been studying narcissism for several years. There are some excellent youtube videos. With your situation I would recommend a guy named Tom who goes by "narcissism survivor". he is the best speaker on it that I have found tho I now watch some others as my circumstances have changed. His mother was a horror. He is best at relating of anyone I have found. he doesn't speak from his degrees (academics) but from his personal experience. He is so understanding, gentle and helps us to decipher and understand what has been done to us. I didn't mean to write a promo but it is the best help I can think of to suggest to you. What your mother did to you was very sick and wrong. narcissists just devour us. and you have probably been gaslighted to the ends of the earth. Things get so confusing. I also did not want to be like my mother and think I have succeeded but when it comes to the 2 narcissists in my life, whew it is tough. I am not a stupid person but I don't think I will ever understand it. But I hope to learn to spot them and stay far away, since I seem to be a narcissism magnet. I do urge you to be careful of that. your experience and sincere desire to be different has most likely made you a very kind person. I am sure you can be the person you want to be. I have 1 ex (not the only one) who was a malignant narcissist, I had no clue. I thought his problem was alcoholism. He damn near destroyed me. But his precious daughter...she went on to get her masters in social work and is a very strong, smart young woman who recognizes the truth about her father and works helping people. She is fabulous. So, yes I have seen it done with great success and am sure you can too. (((hugs)))
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
35,255
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
im sorry for all you have been through
you deserve only good things and i hope that is what you get for the rest of your life
love Lu xxx
 
N

nutsie

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 5, 2020
Messages
266
Location
Keeling
Person can not choice selfy mom

I am sorry hear you story

I think you must try forgive I know no easy. Narcissistic is illness
 
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