• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Being pushed away by Girlfriend who has Depression - with no idea on what to do....

B

bluebanna

New member
Joined
Oct 21, 2019
Messages
1
Location
UK
Hi,

I have been going out with my girlfriend on and off for just over a year and whenever we have not been together we have always remained good friends. When we are together we work like no other relationship I have ever had before, she's loving, caring, funny and we can usually talk for hours about nothing in particular.

Something she has always been vocal about is her struggle with mental health issues, namely depression and OCD. When we were first getting together she mentioned how difficult she could be when 'she is sad and depressed,' and that she tends to catastrophize certain events/arguments we have had as being the end of the relationship.

For instance, when we had our first argument she thought we were over and she ended up hooking up with some guy. When she realised what she had done she said that I was too good for her and her sorry she was.

Over time I found myself able to trust her and we started our relationship - for real this time. However ever since the relationship properly began she started struggling with depression again.

At first, we still saw each other fairly often - a few times a week despite our busy schedules, yet over the next two weeks, she consistently cancelled plans last minute because she was not feeling well. I made the mistake of taking this personally at first, but I didn't tell her that it bothered me until later - the last time that I properly saw her.
She told me that she really wasn't doing well and that it makes it really hard for her to do anything, like see her friends, go to work or do anything else for that matter. I said I understand and that I am here for her and asked what she needed from me. She said she needed a little more space - something that I have been giving her ever since.

That was over a month ago and I still have not seen her properly. She keeps pushing away and recently when I called her asking if everything was okay (first time I had spoken to her for 2 days) she said that it has nothing to do with me and that she basically stays in her room all day and is unable to go out. When I mentioned in passing that I had been feeling a little sad the past couple weeks she mentioned later on in a message that me being sad made her feel awful. I feel like this was a mistake because it put pressure on her being responsible for my happiness (which shouldn't be required in a relationship) when she is not comfortable with her own emotions yet.

I am trying to distract myself as much as possible, e.g. going to dinner, going to the gym in the evenings, going to the cinema with friends, hanging out with family, working more, doing a personal project; yet I have been so sad and lonely that I do not know how much longer I can keep going. Over this time she messages me sporadically about random things going on in her life, yet I have not had the opportunity to catch up with her properly and tell her everything that is going on in mine.

I want to be there for her in this difficult time for her yet this is the most trying situation I have ever been in. I have told her dozens of times how much I care about her, that I love her and that she is strong enough to get through this - yet everything is just getting worse and it is affecting my happiness as well.

Does anyone have any advice for me about how to approach this situation and how to get through this with her?
 
C

Charliedragonfly

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2019
Messages
50
Location
England
Have you talked about this issue with your/her friends/family? I think that would be the best place to start, they would be able to assess the situation better. Sorry I don't have particularly good advice.
 
Top