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Being judged for not working full time

A

Abstract

Active member
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
28
Location
tahlequah
sometimes people freak out because you have a nice car or nice house but no apparent means of support, which is my case. its a long story. this happens to me all the time.
 
DanL15000

DanL15000

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 5, 2018
Messages
703
Location
United States
I feel like framing this thread and forcing everyone I know to read it. Of course that would be like, three people left. :rofl2: I've run off the rest.
 
ipanema

ipanema

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 4, 2020
Messages
49
Location
Portugal
Hi everyone, I have BPD, anxiety, depression and a few other things going on. I find it very hard keeping it together socially day to day, and afterwards I am exhausted. When I saw a therapist last year they were impressed at how, given what I carry around with me mentally, I was able to force myself to go to work part-time (3 days a week) as they said most people in my position wouldn't be able to cope in a job. I am proud of myself for making myself work but at the same time I am ashamed that I cannot cope with full-time.

When people ask me what hours I work or what my job is etc I am looked at like a lazy part-timer who doesn't bother going to work full-time like other people. You might say I'm just assuming they think that of me, but I have had people respond with things like "oh, so you ONLY work 3 days a week?" and "That must be nice having 4 day weekends whilst the rest of us have 2 days......".

Yesterday I had another one of these comments said to me, by my fiancé's aunt. She doesn't know my mental health situation as I try to hide it from everyone except my fiancé and parents, but she is also the sort where if she did know about my mental health she would not be sensitive about it.
Anyway, her sarcastic comment and almost eye rolling made me feel very attacked, and this morning I have woken up feeling one hundred times worse with my stomach flipping and in knots and short of breath and angry and upset and panicky all at the same time. Which then makes me want to not exist or leave my fiancé so that I don't have to see her ever again. I cannot shake off the negative emotions when something like this affects me and I function even worse than normal.

I know I shouldn't care what people think, and I try to coach myself to not care and let the emotions go, but I can't help it, the feelings stay. I can't stand the injustice of her thinking I'm lazy for working part-time when actually it is near on a miracle that I manage to do that.

Does anyone else experience these overwhelming feelings? How do you stop them taking over?
I totally understand how you feel about caring about that. Sometimes we try to say “f*** it” - but just can’t, it hurts.

You need to think about yourself first. You are doing great. People who don’t know you or don’t understand mental illness are insensitive and huge obstacles in our recovery.

The fact that you work and try your best to do it even dealing with all your problems should make you feel proud, not ashamed!!

Lots of hugs ❤
 
Z

ZoeZoe

Member
Joined
Aug 12, 2020
Messages
22
Location
UK
You guys are great. Thank you so much for your responses. They have massively helped :D:hug: :thanks:
 
Zaz2020

Zaz2020

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2020
Messages
258
Location
Scotland
You must have some kind of inner strength to allow you to be able to work in any shape or form. Give yourself credit for that.
I relate to you about being judged by others. I've been unable to work for many years and the way some people look at me or treat me is appalling.
I'd say you're doing really well and it's not what others think about you that matters....its how you see yourself 🙂
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
1,245
Location
Canada
Yeah, I think people just make assumptions or judgements about your character, and they don't know you have real reasons why work is hard, after all no one can see those reasons.
 
Lugnut

Lugnut

Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
At home
One piece of advice I'd heard not too long ago was that we're all in a race in this life against ourselves, and only ourselves. Everybody is in a different lane and they cannot know what it's like to be in ours, nor us in theirs. If you're only able to work part time, then that's great and a testament to your strength because it can be incredibly difficult to work with BPD. These people who work full time may not struggle with the same things you do, they may never have these struggles, so their judgments can't possibly be accurate as if they had to spend a day in your shoes they would absolutely understand. From their point of view, it can be difficult to see others not working as much as they do because of the things it means for their life (such as less family/leisure time, less energy, enjoying time off less due to built up chores etc) so perhaps the judgments come from a place of misplaced envy, since they fail to realize the things you have to deal with. But that's not your problem, and not something you should have to wear. It can be hard to not take note of the things people say to us but just remember that you're doing well in your specific circumstances, and the people who are judging don't know what life is like for you. You are doing great :)
 
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