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Being Guilted About the People You Leave Behind

OrphanBlack

OrphanBlack

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So, the main con with suicide is, I think, the impact that it has on people closest to you. Now this is a tricky one, because on one you're perfectly entitled to take your own life - it's arguably the only legitimate expression of free will that anyone has. But mulling over the question myself, I keep coming back to what it's going to do to my poor old mum. It's a bit like trying to steer between Scylla and Charybdis: on one hand, you can't stick around in a world you've lost interest in because other people would affected. But on the other hand, you have to acknowledge the fact it will affect some people.

I guess in the end you just have to bite the bullet and put your own interests above everyone else's? After, wherever one goes after life, presumably earthly matters will cease to have any meaning, and therefore will be of no concern to you. It's a tricky one though.
 
calypso

calypso

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Are you thinking of suicide then? I think its a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Do you want to talk about how you came to this position in your life? I suggest you read the following and know that you are worth a lot and are valuable as a person.

 
calypso

calypso

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Do you find a kind of calmness comes over you when you make the decision? But its not permanent and if you just hold on you can find a way through this. Do you want to talk about how you are feeling?
 
OrphanBlack

OrphanBlack

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Hmm, good question. "Calmness" isn't perhaps the term I'd use; but it does take care of a lot of worries - all the stuff people have to worry about: that doesn't matter anymore. Of course, the decision brings in it's train it's own set of issues - as detailed in the original post. But there you go.

As for talking: I'm beyond that I'm afraid - too sad and broken down at this point. I appreciate the kind intentions behind the offer mind. In any case, I'm not going just yet - I've a couple of things I need to finish up first (like the book I'm writing). I mainly joined the forum to be able to talk about this kind of thing without people getting a flap (as friends/family would/will with such a topic).
 
J

JamFRUK

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The day I attempted, i clearly remember one part of me trying to stop myself thinking about my family. My state of emotional pain was the absolute worst I ever experienced. I remember it was like several switches were trying to turn on and the absolute desperation/dark thing that had suddenly taken over just shut them down one by one. Family? Off. Friends? Off. Loved ones ? Off. Religion, god ? Fucking off. None of that could save me all of a sudden. I'm a believer and even God did not seem to matter anymore. I felt like there was no heaven, there was no hell, there was nothing nothing nothing. I was nothing. Self destruction was possible with all the switches off.

All that to say, when it comes to it, when you are truly ready to kill yourself, I guess all the above won't matter either. It feels like your suicidal mind will override all the safety in place.
 
OrphanBlack

OrphanBlack

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This reminded me of my own suicide attempt in 2004 (which I botched - I guess I'm not allowed to say how, but the point is I survived by accident). I was in too much pain at that point to think about family, I just wanted out. This time is a bit different in that it's a rational decision that's been mulled over for a while. Apples and Oranges I guess
 
J

JamFRUK

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I always wonder about planned VS impulsive attempts, do they differ ? Are people going to go into defence/self preservation mode a the same ?
 
OrphanBlack

OrphanBlack

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So I solved this issue last, when I had a massive meltdown - it occurred to me that given how miserable I was, it simply cruel to expect me to hang around for the sake of others. Granted, others may still struggle with the question, but I've resolved it 👍
 
Milomushi

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I too struggle with suicidal ideation and I guess it helps to talk to others because many do not understand. I read a passage that suggested that if we are thinking about suicide we may not be thinking clearly and should put a decision like that in the hands of friends, family, and professionals and allow them to decide if we live or die.
 
M

mentalhealthisphysicaltoo

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Hi -

I just lost someone to suicide. There has been so much shocking response of glorification and not enough talk about depression and mental health. I completely empathize with feeling like it's cruel to exist - I'm struggling with that right now. I'm being blamed for this suicide and it was someone I loved very dearly. So hearing that from multiple parties hurts, and I've experienced that feeling - along with that calmness/peacefulness over the ideas of suicide.

There are so many layers that just deserve to be discussed.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Hi -

I just lost someone to suicide. There has been so much shocking response of glorification and not enough talk about depression and mental health. I completely empathize with feeling like it's cruel to exist - I'm struggling with that right now. I'm being blamed for this suicide and it was someone I loved very dearly. So hearing that from multiple parties hurts, and I've experienced that feeling - along with that calmness/peacefulness over the ideas of suicide.

There are so many layers that just deserve to be discussed.
I am so sorry to hear this, the suicide was not your fault :hug:
 
M

mentalhealthisphysicaltoo

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Thank you for saying that.

I'm trying to remind myself of that. Someone I know sent him a very harsh message following our fight because they hated seeing me so completely broken and upset. I know he was struggling. I just truly hope I wasn't the trigger to him making the decision. I never wanted anything but love for him even though there were things that didnt always go well.
 
OrphanBlack

OrphanBlack

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I too struggle with suicidal ideation and I guess it helps to talk to others because many do not understand. I read a passage that suggested that if we are thinking about suicide we may not be thinking clearly and should put a decision like that in the hands of friends, family, and professionals and allow them to decide if we live or die.
The problem is that as long as suicidal feelings are seen as necessary symptoms of mental illness (see posts passim), then most people's instant response will be "suicidal? But that's a symptom of illness - and we can treat that." I guarantee you that if I was to put this decision in the hands of friends/family/"professionals", to a man (figuratively speaking) they'd have me stick around and be miserable.
 
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