Being accepted by people, self acceptance & forbidden narratives

cpuusage

cpuusage

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#1
i have always felt that aspects of me are at odds/conflict with the rest of humanity - Not feeling a part of the human race.

From having some very unusual non-ordinary states/extreme states of mind - the abysmal/barbaric treatment of forced sections/drugs - the lack of any genuine understanding for what i have experienced, etc.

i have at times felt/feel very blamed, attacked & hated. What exactly creates such reactions in people towards me is Not always clear. i'm Not a bad person.

There has often been a lot of anger directed towards me.
 
shaky

shaky

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Sep 2, 2009
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#6
A wise person once warned against trying to 'wake people up'
He said that they are likely to get angry.
This may be why you feel attacked
You show the world from a perspective not tainted by the usual media zeitgeist
This can be unsettling for some - and so they choose to attack rather than to think.

But there are some of us on MHF who welcome a different perspective.
Someone once said
'Don't let the buggers grind you down'

I'm sure you are not a bad person.
 
Per Ardua Ad Astra

Per Ardua Ad Astra

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#7
You seem like an okay guy to me, cpu :)

Don't bother looking for your self-esteem in other people, cos it's really not to be found there.

Who the fuck is any mug to judge you, anyway - and all that.

Don't let the bastards grind you down :)
 
Kerome

Kerome

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#8
I don't think you are a bad person at all, and anyway letting other people determine what is a good or bad person is a very dodgy way to go.

I think Shaky is at least in part right, people tend to react strongly to views that challenge their own beliefs, and by definition anyone who is trying to educate or awaken will run into that. Avoiding it while still getting your way is the fine art of politics, lol.
 
blueflames

blueflames

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#9
I would say that the reason people are sometimes hostile is because the subjects you put up for discussion can be quite controversial ones. Not that I am saying you shouldn't post those things, I think healthy debate is a good thing, but you have to expect them to not always run as smoothly as you'd hope for.

You are not a bad person xx
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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#14
Personally, I think you are rather lovely:loveshower: :redface:

Obviously I've never met you and have no idea what you're like irl, but nothing you've posted on here would indicate you are bad imo.

I don't agree with everything you say, but that's healthy, people having different opinions, just cos you see things differently doesn't make you bad. I think you care about people and a better world....not bad.

Hope you're feeling better about things.

Think of yourself not as bad....but as badass :evil:

 
cpuusage

cpuusage

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#15
Personally, I think you are rather lovely:loveshower: :redface:

Obviously I've never met you and have no idea what you're like irl, but nothing you've posted on here would indicate you are bad imo.

I don't agree with everything you say, but that's healthy, people having different opinions, just cos you see things differently doesn't make you bad. I think you care about people and a better world....not bad.

Hope you're feeling better about things.

Think of yourself not as bad....but as badass :evil:
Thank you. That is very kind of you. Am generally very quiet, peaceful & easy going. You come across as a lovely person as well.

Have been feeling better the past week, but a lot of drama going on with other people/circumstances.

i don't mind differences of opinion, & it is healthy.
 
E

ettiene.dyer

Guest
#16
You already know how I feel about you. Meeting you in this forum and several other people elsewhere, confirmed the fact that that I was not on some delusional path, that there were many both dealing with psychosis and doctors who treat it that mirrored my initial understanding that the psychotic condition for me is not simply a broken brain or chemicals misfiring as I had been instructed to believe, that there is much more than what appears on face value and resolution is possible.

Keep up the good fight.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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#17
CPU, we might have gotten off on the wrong foot quarreling about smoking in public but I rather like you and I like all the threads you start. I like the comments you make on my threads. I feel happy when you show up. I am sorry we quarreled.
 
cpuusage

cpuusage

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#18
CPU, we might have gotten off on the wrong foot quarreling about smoking in public but I rather like you and I like all the threads you start. I like the comments you make on my threads. I feel happy when you show up. I am sorry we quarreled.
Thank you, sorry for my reaction as well, no hard feelings - i have improved a bit with my arguing. It seems very easy to get into an on-line argument.

Glad that you have got some something from what i post.
 
S

Sorrow

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#20
I think you are very nice although i only know a bit of the person you allow people to see. You were asking why people sometimes react negatively to you and i have an observation that might be wrong but you asked and this is my thought.

You talk about alternatives to medication, which is super and something many need to consider. I think it is when you discuss other diagnoses or talk to people who have other diagnoses, and mention alternatives to medication or none at all. I can see that you are trying to prevent others becoming dependent on medication when they may be able to cope without. Trying to prevent them from getting stuck in the trap of medication that you cannot get off of, like yourself?

I think, for me, the irritation in the past has come from thinking that you think your illness is more severe and therefore more important that other ones. There is a group who surround you who think the same. The 'SMI' group. It is really invalidating and when medication is brought up, it can feel like you and those groupies are saying that others are using services and are less worthy of that help than those with SMI. Who decides what is severe?

There are people on the forum who are too ill to debate these points, this invalidation, it feels like an invalidation. These people may be in the services and receiving so-called help, but they actually are on the receiving end of very poor and damaging treatment sometimes. And who is to say schizophrenia is more severe than sometimes who has been abused as a child? Those people may not be able to come on here and say look cpuusage, this is why. People like me with a bit more strength, will get annoyed on behalf of those people.

I know you may pick at certain words i have chosen as i am not as precise with them as you are or as some others. There will be people who jump to your defense because they disagree with me or more common, that they want to impress you and be in your 'gang'.

I am prepared for the backlash, i think? I will try not to read anything actually. My account is going to be deleted in 48 hours for other reasons.

This post of mine is not intended to upset you. Like i said, you make interesting points, but when you distinguish emotional illness from 'genuine mental illness/psychosis' as has been said, very invalidatingly, it hurts people.

It may make you feel shit or i think, you don't mean to have that come across. I know you have stuck up for people when another person who posts on the bipolar forum 'goads' people as you put it. I was very impressed when you did that. It showed me that the way you come across sometimes, this SMI versus attention seekers? thing, i don't think you mean it in that way, but some of us take it in that way because we are very sensitive to that issue. It is rammed down out throat by gp's and psychiatric teams. Often at the very moment that we need help the most.

Crises, they get you poor support usually, and briefly, and then i end up more alone that i ever was, only now, i have been through years of being put down by gp's, psychiatric teams. I am all the more ill.

We are all failed is the point here. Nobody is over-using the services. Some get more help for a brief period of time, and some get sporadic help for their whole lives. Neither are more deserving of the help. Psychotic illness or not. It is not always clear where you stand on that but i can see that your heart is in the right place and like me, have sensitivities that are personal to you.

It is not my intention to hurt anyone, and please nobody pick at little poor word choices. It is not easy for me to coherently be specific and careful with my words. This is just my mind pouring out words, i may contradict myself, i do often, but i hope the point comes across in a gentle way as i am just trying to say, this might be why people get you wrong sometimes.

It is easy for us to get upset by others. Usually, we are jumping to conclusions or someone has hit a nerve.

Do you understand what i am trying to say? Please don't get het up on my less careful choice of words. I would have pm'd you but it is not possible, hence a public post.

Sorrow
A very sad person, so go easy on your responses. It is not always necessary to respond (message to the groupies ;)