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Been bottling up emotions- Ready to talk about it *** TRIGGER WARNING***

T

tea123

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Oct 10, 2021
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ghjdgje
Hi all,

I have been in serious denial for a while about something that happened me. I thought I dealt with but I realise now, I bottled it up and didn't talk about. Here's my story...

My first year in a new country ! I was so excited to go on my new adventure! It was absolutely great! I met so many new friends and was having a ball! I was introduced to a my friend's cousin who just so happened to work with new friends. He was lovely and we got along really well as friends.
One weekend, I was invited out to a beach party with him and a few friends so I went. We all had a great time! As the night went on, he got very drunk! Him being my best friend’s cousin, I thought the right thing to do was to make sure he got home safely. After all, it was the least I could do! We got a taxi back to his apartment. As it was a long way off, he tried to make a pass at me but I pushed him off, telling me no as he is my best friend's cousin and I couldn't do that to her. He seemed a bit annoyed and threatened to take photos of me and send them to my dad to tell him I was a slut but then said he was only joking. That was ok. He asked me to stay as it was a long way for me to get a taxi and nothing will happen. I agreed and decided to sleep on the sofa. He went to bed and I fell asleep… I woke suddenly, he was attacking me, I pushed him off me and fell on to the ground. I finally got him off me. He looked at me as if he was possessed or dreaming. That's when I realised that there was possibly much more to this! I told him continuously it was me! He finally seemed to have snapped out of it and began crying his eyes out, begged me to stay and apologised over and over again hysterically. I was unsure what to do as I was afraid of what would happen if I said but also I was afraid of what he might do to himself. I decided to leave for my own safety and got a taxi home. I was so angry! I was angry at myself for getting myself into the situation and fear overwhelmed me. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone as I felt no one would believe me. If I ever took it to court, it would be my word against his. Also, I value my friendship alot with my best friend and I didnt want to jeopardise it so I kept quiet. Now I realise that keeping it all bottled up inside is the worst thing I could have or can do. I thought it was all in the past but now triggers have caused all this fear and anger to resurface. This is why I feel now is the time to finally speak my mind in the form of this letter to give me the sense of understanding and clarity of my feelings.
 
24thMAU

24thMAU

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2021
Messages
55
Location
Idaho Falls, ID
I would suggest you find a good therapist so you can talk this out with a professional. Plus, it is a third party that is impartial and can give you advice on what to do. Moreover, don't be too hard on yourself. We have all made mistakes. Just learn from it and don't put yourself in the same situation.
 
S

Salster

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 15, 2021
Messages
66
Location
Yorkshire
Find a good therapist. Stop bottling it up, trust me it doesn't help. Talking frees up the mind to heal.
 

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