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Been a little while

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pinkz

Active member
Joined
Mar 18, 2016
Messages
31
I will be honest. I finished my therapy course and have tried to put it all out of my mind which worked in the short term...
I had been active in another forum about completely different things. I voiced an opinion and started an all out war basically because they didn't like my opinion. To be logical and sensible about it my opinion was nothing. It was like I hate the colour Red in the realms of importance. I wasn't saying I love trump or anything really controversial.
Long story short I got myself upset and deleted my account.
I think it shows a lot about how far I have come since my treatment. Normally I would just keep going back and defending myself but I got to a point where I just said what am I going to achieve?
I had previously seen how they jumped on people who wanted a rant and basically told people who were clearly upset that they were in the wrong so why stay there putting up with it. It's people like that who have made me ill in the first place!!!

Also today I had an email from our high up boss which I basically took as her trying to vindicate her feelings of me being useless by pointing out I had done something wrong even though I hadn't done it and it's not even my teams work... all day I berated myself... then this afternoon I decided maybe she sent it because I do get things sorted?

Not everyone hates you! Somethings I find really hard to believe!

How is everyone else doing?
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
Hi Pinkz.

:welcome: back!
Good to hear how far you have come, it sounds like you have achieved a lot in how you are dealing with things :)

With all good wishes .
Unique xx
 
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misssadness

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Aug 3, 2015
Messages
1,995
Hello and welcome back. It is wonderful you have made so much progress.
 
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pinkz

Active member
Joined
Mar 18, 2016
Messages
31
Thank you! Means a lot. I have a plan I'm place for a relapse, I feel very aware that this will happen at the moment and this feeling of being ok is a blip. I'm trying to block it out and rationalise things as much as I can to try keep myself sane. I feel a lot like it's my choice to stay happy or to be sad which I suppose is something a lot of people would love to feel and to choose being happy. But it doesn't take much for my thoughts to sour and the paranoia to set it... let's just hope a good dose of sunshine helps cheer me up
 
Unique1

Unique1

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Messages
8,765
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Yes sunshine can help ...I hope it helps cheer you up :)
X
 
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pinkz

Active member
Joined
Mar 18, 2016
Messages
31
And boom we are back... I drank too much last night and think I had some kind of mental break. When I'm that drunk I scare myself because I feel like if there was the opportunity I would jump.
I don't know whether I'm just paranoid or what but my OH doesn't get it. He's very factual. He can't understand when I say someone made me feel bad if they didn't say something. But sometimes it can just be their tone or the fact they stood round in a circle conspiring to go home and leave me...
I feel stupid every time too because I give them the benefit of the doubt... then they hurt me again.
I just wish I could find a decent new job with lovely people
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,385
Location
basketville
I think it shows a lot about how far I have come since my treatment. Normally I would just keep going back and defending myself but I got to a point where I just said what am I going to achieve?

now that is very good excellent as people can/do misunderstand at times. and also if you get into dialogue with people who want to rant they will just run circles round you and they will usually always have the last word and then you have brought yourself down to their level. thing is with peeps who like to rant is that they suck other people into their show. otherwise they cant rant!!

so that is most indeed excellent you now know what your boundaries are in regards to this now. and believe me that will save you a lot of grief now and in the long term.

unless your boss is clear in her communication regarding the email then all you can do is speculate and that leads you to worse case scenario. maybe you need to think about communicating with her and voicing the fact that, done something wrong even though I hadn't done it and it's not even my teams work.. as really she has not a leg to stand on regarding this

regarding potential blip - it is good that you have a plan and now that you have the plan dont keep thinking "i might have a relapse" you have done the responsible thing by thinking how you can help yourself but now let that go and live in the now.

we are all each responsible for our own happiness. this should not just be about maintaining a "good" feeling as that is unrealistic. as life is not straight forward. it is a good idea though to avoid where you can or limit your time around negative influences be that people or environments..

with mh it pays to keep things in place that relax us and things that are helpful. alongside the day to day life. for instance after a stressful day, go and do something that will help you to relax and unwind.

and there you have it the booze so not good. but i didn't need to tell you that right? for me it takes a while to get back from it and also it weakens your resolve to maintain a lifestyle that wont stress you out.

if you can limit your time around these people. not easy in a job situation. best not to talk about anything other than work really. leave anything else out of the conversation..damage limitation..
 
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pinkz

Active member
Joined
Mar 18, 2016
Messages
31
Yea I really shouldn't drink!

I punched a toilet roll holder... I was lucky it wasn't one of the people I was with really.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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well thats good!! as you dont wanna a criminal record on top of it all. take care!
 
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pinkz

Active member
Joined
Mar 18, 2016
Messages
31
I am so proud of myself today.
My therapist made me list things that made me anxious and rate them 1-10. She asked me to try do some of the smaller rated stuff and work my way up... well today I did a 10... the dentist!!!! I was terrified. My lip was shaking haha but I tried to breathe through the fear.
Gotta go back for fillings which is gonna be another 10 but just gotta be brave and remember how good I feel that I've done it
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
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Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,385
Location
basketville
arh yes the dentist i keep putting that off its been 3 weeks now.....so you are doing well !!!!
 
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