• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Been a battle for 28 years with no medication

J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
858
Yes, things are always changing. It is very difficult for me to adjust to it. Like you said, I feel ok for a short time, then something else changes. It never stops. I don't worry about the virus, if I get it, I get it. It doesn't harm most people who get it anyway.
 
M

Mary on the hill

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Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
60
Location
Batavia NY
thank you for your reply no i dont have bipolar many years ago i was told i was suffering from cronic depression this was when not alot was known regarding depression in the late 80s but the doctor who i see 2 months ago called it manic depression when i say chancge in minutes its not that 1 minute im happy then the niex sad its mainly just my thoughts i cant control them i always try to think possitive but i could be having a realy good day and suddenly my thoughts take over and twist my head about and make things bad to be honest i have seen so many doctors and psychiatrists over the years i gave up and started to just deal with my battle on my own had a realy bad turn 2 months ago and went to gas myself in my car had it all planed out got the pipe found the place and started to do it but managed to click out of it before it was to late i took this as a warning sign that i was out of control again so went to the doctors again was given more tablets and to be honest all the tablets do to me is make me feel stoned and i then lose my thoughts and feelings which i realy hate my thoughts get even lower and i realy do get low so stop taking them had 2 different types of tablets last month but both had the same affect on me when i tell the doc that he says i have to take them but i cant i get that low and very suicidle i cant lose the few possitive thoughts i cling to to keep me here or else i will end it all i have spent so long in this state i leant 90% control but still go overboard from time to time was ment to have councoling but they havent made me a appointment also told me i can only have 6 hours free then i will have to pay for it what a jokeso i guess i am on my own to deal with it again i do have my wife and family to support me but hate them seeing what it does to me as i push them away when i am bad and shut myself down cant stop it they learnt what happens to me aswell so they do know i cant help it but it hurts me so much to put them through it with me people dont seem to realise it affects all the people around you aswell i do work but some times it is so hard to stay focused all i think now after so long in this battle is that ime now 43yrs old so my life is running away and i getting older so i will pass away soon anyway sounds realy bad but thats what it has done to me just wish i could stop the pain for not only me but my complete family i used to deal with it on my own untill the last epesode 2 months ago then i opened up to my wife and started telling her my thoughts and righting them down on the time to change site letting her read my posts every day so she could see what is happening to me but i got the impression it was all to much for her as she got run down and kept crying so now i stoped and pulled back with telling her things for her own protection but there you go just a part of my life for you to look at i hope you are ok and well and once again thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me here is a link to the month i was on time to change go take a read then you will see more about how it affects my life Facebook - Log In or Sign Up
You said you are 43 and will "pass away soon." No you won't!!! You still have at LEAST 30 more years to go before you pass away! I would love to be 43 again. I am 70 now and the time went too fast. You may even have 40 yrs to go like if you reach age 83. So don't give up so soon. You are still very young and have a long way to go!!!!!!!!
 
P

Prycejosh1987

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Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
619
Location
UK
hello to you all i am new to the site i have had manic depression for 28 yrs and tryed loads of different tablets but they only make me worse so no meds for me but what a battle it is i can change my mood in a matter of minutes with no control and my hole family suffer with me when i am depressed i shut myself off no emotion and cant be bothered to do anything i realy hate having this illness but aint got a choice
The medications are not working because there are triggers and underlying issues that you need to cut off.
 
P

Pollypop

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Joined
Jul 23, 2015
Messages
2,147
Location
England. Derbyshire
Hello Mark,
How are you?
It’s been such a long time since you’ve been on the forum.
You came into my mind so I thought I would drop by.

I hope you are feeling better mentally than you were.
Also that you are not too affected by the pandemic.

Take care and stay safe.
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
858
Hello Mark! What has been going on? Are you doing ok? I wish you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I hope we hear from you again soon! James
 
madmark

madmark

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Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
1,034
Location
uk
You said you are 43 and will "pass away soon." No you won't!!! You still have at LEAST 30 more years to go before you pass away! I would love to be 43 again. I am 70 now and the time went too fast. You may even have 40 yrs to go like if you reach age 83. So don't give up so soon. You are still very young and have a long way to go!!!!!!!!
now 52 and still here nice to here from you hope you are doing ok merry xmas and all the best for 2021
 
madmark

madmark

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Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
1,034
Location
uk
thank you for all your posts of support its been a long time sorry ive just been so so busy trying to keep myself focused and the site slipped my mind so hope all of you and managing to keep yourself safe and as well as u can its very very difficult at these times for all of us x so here is were i am in life another check on my voice box at hospital has shown very slow growth so back for checks again in 6 months so thats the physical delt with my mental state not sure what to say ime at the end of my tether the loss of my mum and brother hitting me harder that ever feeling so much loss now but dident feel it at the time of them passing away the knock on affect is i been feeling suicidal for last 6 months no action taken but this negative feeling is running me down so much and i just keep trying to raise my powers within to rise out of this situation but just fall straight back in to it not sure what or how i am ment to recover from this feeling and state of mind sorry this is not a happy post but thats how i am honest with my feelings and xmas on the cards next week brings alot of worry and stress to me and always has not sure why but it does so ime focused on getting through to 2021 then try to reset and start a fresh again i wish u all a happy safe xmas and here is to a better 2021 for us all thank you all for your support and advice over many years i take it all onboard my messed up brain and do my best to keep myself going take care of your selfs x
 
J

JCPraha

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Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
858
Hello Mark, I am sorry you are suffering so much. It is an ongoing battle for me too.. I felt rather down and out today. I know it is a struggle just to stay alive. The holiday season is often difficult to cope with for a person with mental health problems. It is always difficult for me to cope with this time of year. It is difficult if you have felt suicicidal you usually aren't down that low. I sure hope you can rebound and have a better year next year. You are a survivor, you always survive the most difficult of situations. Take care. James
 
madmark

madmark

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Oct 25, 2011
Messages
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Location
uk
All the best to u james will just run as normal day by day but I so hope this feeling passes soon as its now being channeled in anger at people around me and that's totally not me hope u manage to pick yourself up and get by OK and in to the new year all the best my friend day by day
 
J

JCPraha

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Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
858
Hello Mark, I hope you are feeling somewhat better than you were before. It sounds like you were really suffering. I try to take one day at a time also. I am not feeling well. Constantly fighting against depression. It is really a terrible feeling. Yes, we take one day at a time. I am no longer with my wife. I have been living alone now. The relationship did not work out well, but it cost me a lot of money and time. I am trying to cope, but it is not easy. I hope you are doing better than I am. Take care of yourself. James
 
madmark

madmark

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Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
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Location
uk
Hi james thanks for the reply sorry to here you are alone and things have not worked out this is difficult to cope with i understand as u know try your hardest to think of it as a reset fresh start to get yourself to a better place the slate has been wiped clean as they say so you now have fresh new paths to walk along i feel your pain my friend life is very difficult for us both ime still running in limbo have been for a few years now so many changes so much loss and and change to my life now lockdown feel so trapped and isulated and not able to move or look faward as still trying to sort out the last part of my divorce which is my home such a stressful time once again it doesent leave my mind at any time so just having to run in limbo to keep sain and the passing of my brother and my mum are haunting me 24/7 i cant seem to ajust to it all so gave up trying to i so worry a out my dad but he keeping going for now its a case of just keeping carm chilling out and trying to muddle the days away for both of us it seems untill alittle normality comes back to the world before i can even try to start repairing my damage thats how it feels to me anyway all i can say james is your a top man as far as i can tell so keep your head held high find new brighter paths to walk and try to pick yourself up very slowly and apreciate every small step you take to a happyer lift thats how i got through from rock bottom to were i am now still alot of walking and climbimg to do for me but for now i need to rest and work out this next stage of my life so thats were i am try to keep talking to family friends that does help alot at low points but dont dwell on depression move that to 1 side in your brain and let it rest aside if possible thinking of u buddy stay strong stay focused and ime here for u to chat or let of steam at if need be i understand how it all works lol and i can take it on the chin carry on and let it go now so if you feel you need to rant at somebody ime here lol you take care find a small hobby for yourself to give u something to focus on and start looking for some new paths to walk to a new life and new you its a slow rebuild needed stay safe
 
madmark

madmark

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Oct 25, 2011
Messages
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Hello Mark,
How are you?
It’s been such a long time since you’ve been on the forum.
You came into my mind so I thought I would drop by.

I hope you are feeling better mentally than you were.
Also that you are not too affected by the pandemic.

Take care and stay safe.
Hope you are ok well and safe
 
madmark

madmark

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Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
1,034
Location
uk
The medications are not working because there are triggers and underlying issues that you need to cut off.
Hello hope you are finding the help you are needing and keeping yourself safe and sain welcome to my post and i take it u have read my thread i also suffer the same illness but no meds work it isent easy keep trying meds and i so hope they find 1 that helps u stay safe
 
madmark

madmark

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Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
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Location
uk
You said you are 43 and will "pass away soon." No you won't!!! You still have at LEAST 30 more years to go before you pass away! I would love to be 43 again. I am 70 now and the time went too fast. You may even have 40 yrs to go like if you reach age 83. So don't give up so soon. You are still very young and have a long way to go!!!!!!!!
Thank you for your support ime doing all i can to keep myself in a fair state of mind i hope u are ok and keeping yourself safe take care
 
madmark

madmark

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Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
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Location
uk
Sorry i dont come on here alot at the moment as so much going on in my mind ime trying to just muddle by and keep myself running as smooth as possible all of u keep safe stay strong and thank you all for your support and talking to me it does help me and i hope it helps you to
 
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