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Been a battle for 28 years with no medication

J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
809
Yes, things are always changing. It is very difficult for me to adjust to it. Like you said, I feel ok for a short time, then something else changes. It never stops. I don't worry about the virus, if I get it, I get it. It doesn't harm most people who get it anyway.
 
M

Mary on the hill

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
60
Location
Batavia NY
thank you for your reply no i dont have bipolar many years ago i was told i was suffering from cronic depression this was when not alot was known regarding depression in the late 80s but the doctor who i see 2 months ago called it manic depression when i say chancge in minutes its not that 1 minute im happy then the niex sad its mainly just my thoughts i cant control them i always try to think possitive but i could be having a realy good day and suddenly my thoughts take over and twist my head about and make things bad to be honest i have seen so many doctors and psychiatrists over the years i gave up and started to just deal with my battle on my own had a realy bad turn 2 months ago and went to gas myself in my car had it all planed out got the pipe found the place and started to do it but managed to click out of it before it was to late i took this as a warning sign that i was out of control again so went to the doctors again was given more tablets and to be honest all the tablets do to me is make me feel stoned and i then lose my thoughts and feelings which i realy hate my thoughts get even lower and i realy do get low so stop taking them had 2 different types of tablets last month but both had the same affect on me when i tell the doc that he says i have to take them but i cant i get that low and very suicidle i cant lose the few possitive thoughts i cling to to keep me here or else i will end it all i have spent so long in this state i leant 90% control but still go overboard from time to time was ment to have councoling but they havent made me a appointment also told me i can only have 6 hours free then i will have to pay for it what a jokeso i guess i am on my own to deal with it again i do have my wife and family to support me but hate them seeing what it does to me as i push them away when i am bad and shut myself down cant stop it they learnt what happens to me aswell so they do know i cant help it but it hurts me so much to put them through it with me people dont seem to realise it affects all the people around you aswell i do work but some times it is so hard to stay focused all i think now after so long in this battle is that ime now 43yrs old so my life is running away and i getting older so i will pass away soon anyway sounds realy bad but thats what it has done to me just wish i could stop the pain for not only me but my complete family i used to deal with it on my own untill the last epesode 2 months ago then i opened up to my wife and started telling her my thoughts and righting them down on the time to change site letting her read my posts every day so she could see what is happening to me but i got the impression it was all to much for her as she got run down and kept crying so now i stoped and pulled back with telling her things for her own protection but there you go just a part of my life for you to look at i hope you are ok and well and once again thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me here is a link to the month i was on time to change go take a read then you will see more about how it affects my life Facebook - Log In or Sign Up
You said you are 43 and will "pass away soon." No you won't!!! You still have at LEAST 30 more years to go before you pass away! I would love to be 43 again. I am 70 now and the time went too fast. You may even have 40 yrs to go like if you reach age 83. So don't give up so soon. You are still very young and have a long way to go!!!!!!!!
 
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