Been a battle for 28 years with no medication

madmark

madmark

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thank you james things have been very difficult but i am still crashing my way through life and trying to deal with every issue as it rises to stop any build up i today went for my 1st counselling section today with mind which went well and another appointment in 2 weeks and i am having my assessment for bereavement counseling tomorrow at the hospital so i have managed to pull all support i can get in to action , my head is all over the place and i am feeling so angry and stressed all the time just the smallest thing which is not planned pushes me over the edge any confrontation against me makes my blood boil and the nasty person in me rise so i end up having to leave the situation until i calm down again then try to deal with it calmly i hate being like this but for now its what i am and how i am i am alive sorting my way through things and dealing with them as they arise best i can . i still aint at work yet just can not manage it along aside all what has happened i do plan to return to work soon but for now i am still looking after myself 1st then my family BEST I CAN . i hope you are all ok and as well as you can be life is not easy i fully understand this but hey i have been dealt a raw deal and ime fully aware of this so i so hope you are all in a better place than i am at present
 
J

JCPraha

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Life is not easy, that's for sure. It is easy to understand how you feel, given all that you have been through. It's good you have some family support. Take care, I am fighting my own battles as well. Good to receive a message from you.
 
madmark

madmark

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sorry to here you also having a battle james but i look at it this way every battle won is a lesson learnt and the more battles the more we learn hope u feel better with in your self soon my assessment for bereavement counseling went well now just got to wait for my appointments to start i learnt a lot regarding bereavement that it is different from normal mental health issues and i have to allow these feelings to surface were i block and control my mental health issues but to have both hit me at the same time cant seem to let 1 through with out the other so now more to have to learn and a new way to be for a while i have so many problems going on at the moment even i dont understand how ime holding myself afloat
 
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ramboghettouk

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i applied for bereavement councilling the guy said he couldn't deal with schitzoprenia, i said isn't that a breech of the disability act, he said not if you haven't the training, rethink phoned and i got some begrudged help, at the place they had some art from a young girl who'd had her father taken away by the secret police, thought they can deal with that, off course they're grant is at risk if they turn away a immigrant child
 
madmark

madmark

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hi
ramboghettouk
nice to here from you and yes i feel they should help all that needs help regardless of other problems aside bereavement as i was told on my assessment its totally different and its good that i have mind counseling along side as that will help with my other issues and they arise and ive been warned they will and yes they have already so double to cope with and sorting help for both
 
J

JCPraha

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Hello Mark!

It's good to hear that your bereavement counseling has been helpful. To be honest, I don't' know if any kind of counseling can stop the pain and anguish you must be feeling, after all that you have been through. I still feel bad about losing most of my family members. Not many left.
I'm trying to keep things together, but it is difficult. I really need to find a way to keep working, or I will be homeless.

It is likely a problem for you as well, as you said you haven't worked for a while. But the bills and expenses keep coming. No one cares about my problems, they want their money. So it is quite difficult, at least for me. Hopefully, it is not as stressful for you, but I suspect it is not easy for you either.

Take care, and let me know how you are doing. I wish the best for you, I am sure it is extremely difficult.

- James
 
madmark

madmark

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hi james yes same for me ime self employed so no work no money so cant pay the bills or mortgage ime having to return to work on 10th june even though ime not ready thats how it is sorry to here you having difficult times i like to say what all say to me it will sort its self out but we know different if you dont keep on top of these issues they get on top of us and force us down i so hope you find your way and dont become homeless ime having normal counseling with mind at the mo and the bereavement counseling due to start as soon as they have a place but yes fully agree we have to find our own way to cope just feel i could do with support along side me at the moment ime also going through a divorce which is near the end so i to feel i will become homeless and have to sell my home to split it 50/50 but will know soon enough cant be dealing with this at the moment or i will break just managing to keep it together now focusing on my return to work next month and my dad as my sister now moved out so he is now alone he says it is what he wants so i hope he is right but ime always here and only 15 mins down the road just plod on day by day and so hope time helps heal me i have no choice ive leant that you take care james and plod along try not to worry about the things out of your control as they will happen if you worry or not so just hang in there and ride the wave all the best to everyone who is reading my posts and following me thank you all for your kind words and support it so does help and i hope he replying is also helping you a little take care stay strong
 
madmark

madmark

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ok so quick update i seem to be running on the edge of anger if that makes sense the smallest thing pushes me over the top and i get so angry for some reason had to meetings with the mind counselor then shut it down wasn't any good for me just another thing on my list to have to work around in my head . ime now back at work full time and managing to plod along but seems like the rest of my life falling behind if that makes sense work and do nothing so not getting to see my dad or children and this bothers me but i don't seem to have the energy so ime just plodding through for now and doing what i can when i can without pushing to much or i seem to go crazy in my head and get angry then need to isolate myself to calm myself down and find reality once again i dont know how to cope with the emotions ime feeling so simply dont know what to do regarding the feelings if i should do anything ime fully aware time will help but with all my other problems not sure it will but hey as they say time will tell hope u all ok and well within yourself ime still waiting for bereavement counseling to find a slot for me and yes i am happy to give it ago to see if i can learn any new ways to cope and deal with what has happened and going on with in myself but due to my mental state ime fully aware it wont change a thing my brother and my mum are both dead and thats it cant change this have to try to except it take care all of you and once again will update as things progress or fall apart which ever happens first all the best mark
 
J

JCPraha

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Hello Mark. I hope you are coping ok, given the circumstances. I am still working myself and trying to deal with many problems. It looks like I will go through a divorce soon. Another thing to make my mental state even worse. Trying to hang in there and cope. Take care. I wish you all the best.
 

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