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Been a battle for 28 years with no medication

madmark

madmark

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
999
Location
uk
thanks maybe shes a wildflower for your like and marlieebee for you post its nice to get some response to people following my diary I been running it for a long time hope u both ok and well x
 
B

BernieDolores

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 11, 2014
Messages
89
Location
Ormskirk
keep on in there mark, you know deep down that you want to be well, and here, it's just the depression making you feel how you do, it is not you. It is good you are keeping striving for counselling etc, it will help, itis bad we have to fight for everything.
I currently am on a waiting list to she a psychologist in Preston, as there is no Psychologist in place for Ormskirk and Southport, which I feel is terrible. the unit from Preston rang to see if I could dgo to a cancellation appt, but I couldn't as I work. Tried Ormskirk again, but still no Psychologist, I have been waiting since Dec, the mental health team in Ormskirk said they culd not help me. Hang in there Mark
 
madmark

madmark

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
999
Location
uk
thank you for the support BernieDolores ime doing my hardest to stay on top of this illness and winning glad to say for the 1st time I feel alive and 90% in control so sad you cant get the help you asking for hope they manage to sort something out for you very soon keep pushing them for your help you will get it that way once again thank you so much for your input /support to my posts and me in person you stay strong and focused all the best mark
 
madmark

madmark

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
999
Location
uk
ok update my head going alittle lively but am keeping control I took my dad to hospital for his results as planed and thank god he got the all clear , I also went to the resorses center to push my counsoling faward as they seem to be taking ages and they going to phone me for my telephone interview on 25th 11am which is great got the ball rolling so shouldn't be long now before I get some more support from outside my circle as I call it as I done my 24 week c.a.t I was signed off which I wasent happy about as this feels like I was given that help then dumped and I will make a big point of this once I back with them just because I leant some new ways of managing my illness doesent mean its gone ime still a lot better than I was and still learning regarding emotions and feelings which for many years I have totally blocked now I have them they are difficult to understand expectialy bad ones I tend to get bad feelings/emotions that hurt which is a normal reaction but once I get them I sling my wall up and block them but ime learning to let them in shut my wall for a few hours then open my wall again and sort through them slowly in my head which is a massive + for me but its so difficult to understand it all hope u all ok and well as you can be
 
madmark

madmark

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
999
Location
uk
ok update my head is now going in to major overdrive and running me down cant sleep I had my assessment call from the resources center which went ok now just got to wait again for a appointment for a face to face assessment which takes about 3 weeks but hey the ball is rolling for some more support just hope it show up before my mind does to much damage ime finding life realy difficult again
 
madmark

madmark

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Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
999
Location
uk
ok ime getting back on the right road again its been a nasty ride this time and went on for well over a week hope u all doing ok
 
G

GreenBean

Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2014
Messages
20
Location
East Anglia - UK
Have you thought about getting a proper physical done? You might be aware, but the following may cause depression/anxiety: low testosterone, low vit D, thyroid issues, lack of magnesium, etc.

I've changed my diet to mostly Paleo, and it seems to help with moods and general well being. This might sound a bit New Age, but there's increasing evidence that foods can have an impact on mental health. I had to cut out wheat and dairy products, and feel slightly better. Maybe look into an elimination diet and see if something might be affecting you.

Try some gentle exercise, like cycling (I use to go out late at night as it was quieter).
 
madmark

madmark

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
999
Location
uk
hi greenbean yes I have had help I do suffer from thyroid issues and am on medication to control it I keep myself busy as this helps me cope I do have a major problem with isolating myself from all around me which I am struggling with I just cant cope with the voices and images which my mind makes up drives me mad and makes me start to hate the people around me so I have to shut myself away from them to remove the feelings ime due for another assessment on the 17th of this month for more help I am learning a lot about myself and my illnesses but life on a minute to minute basis is so difficult as my mood / images / voices in my head change so rapidly and I can change from a happy relaxed mood to a angry boiling over mood in a click of a finger for no real reason I have to be as loving and caring as I can why inside me is full of hate ,anger, depressive thoughts ,I know life goes on but the voices and images can sometimes last for weeks and even enter my dreams so there is no escape to normality but then with a click of a finger they go for a while ? and I feel normal but they soon return with a click of a finger
 
madmark

madmark

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
999
Location
uk
ok I have been for my assessment once again so I am now registered with mind and a appointment is being made for me to have psychiatric assessments life isent very nice at the moment I live on my own 8o% of the time MY CHOICE this is hurting my wife and family , I am isulating myself as I just don't feel very good and when ime around my wife / family my head goes crazy and I cant seem to control my thoughts and emotions I get wound up and angry in side like a boiling kettle hope u all ok and as well as u can be and I will post more once I have my appointment date take care
 
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BernieDolores

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 11, 2014
Messages
89
Location
Ormskirk
nice to hear from you again. i don't post on here anymore, but have a link to you, so I can reply. it is good that you have appointments, hopefully you will get the help you need and the kettle will only simmer not boil over. I asked for an assessement before Xmas, but they couldn't help me at Ormskirk but I had to be referred to Preston for psychodynamic psychotherapy, for a psychologist to look into my past. Apparently they don't have any psychologists in Ormskirk or Southport, great isn't it. I got an appt in March, but they couldn't do Thursdays, my only day off as they don't do clinics on a Thursday, which left me in a predicament because I work the rest of the time, and I didn't want to really tell work about my appointmnet, nor did I want to work after my appointment, because sometimes you feel worse after going to an appointment than when you went in! don't worry about this though, it is doing you good, or so they say!! so now I have had to go back to my gp and get reassessed again in Ormskirk, I have just had a letter saying it will be the middle of June, 7 months after I first asked to see someone, just as well I am still here. I watched a programme the other night about Robin Williams's death, it was interesting, but my husband didn't like me watching it because it had self harm in and suicide, but it didn't bother me. hope you are ok. try and keep in touch with a best friend or mind group or even the Samaritans, you are not on your own. best wishes Bernie
 
madmark

madmark

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
999
Location
uk
nice to here from u Bernie and such a shame its taking so long for you to get help I feel for you I just keep pushing and yes I watched the robin Williams program aswell all his symptoms are the same as mine so scary to watch such a great person pass away it brought a tear to my eyes and I haven't felt emotional for a few years I found it very intresting but at the same time scary to see hope u ok and its touched me that you have set up a link to my long running page you seem a very caring person just like me but my caring side often gets washed over by my illness I feel so traped with in myself so I do keep seeking for the answers of why ime like this my only wish is 1 day I find out the true cause to this not after a cure just to understand WHY so my family and close friends can also get the answer to the question they always asking me why do I shut myself out of social life with everybody this I cant answer YET you take care of yourself and your appointment will soon happen hang in there and keep your head held high its nothing to be a shamed of all the best mark I will update again once I get a date for my appointment and me I just take the time out of my work as my life is more important I can afford to lose 1 days pay for it think of that take care speak soon
 
madmark

madmark

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
999
Location
uk
so ime still alittle mixed up ime NOT depressed ime in full control I THINK but the problem is I feel so lost in this life and I just cant seem to get out of my head I have had enough of living my life it just seems so scary inside me as it is a REAL feeling does that make sense to anybody I love my family and friends so much BUT I am so unattached from them and just cant seem to find how to make myself feel attached anymore I guess ive lost my meaning in life once again it scares the hell out of me I JUST CANT SEEM TO OPEN AND LET THEM ALL INSIDE MY EMOTIONS and cant work out why I sit here screaming in my mide I love them all but just cant say it to them or show them how much they mean to me
 
G

GreenBean

Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2014
Messages
20
Location
East Anglia - UK
Hi Mark. What tests are the doctors doing, or are you seeing a specialist?

You don't have to reply in the forum, but maybe the illness is caused by something else? You might be surprised, but there are times when the body isn't getting what it needs, and this can affect the mind in various ways. For years I was severely ill (mood swings, depression and paranoid with psychosis), and I had to have tests and change certain things in my life. Only after these changes, then my health came back gradually.

Maybe ask your doctor for other tests to see what's going on? I'm happy to let you know which tests to try.

Remember, just one step at a time. I know you miss your old self (and the things you used to do), and that's the hardest part, but what you're going through now is a serious challenge.
 
madmark

madmark

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Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
999
Location
uk
hi green bean I am waiting to see a specialist this time , its good as this time I am able to be fully open regarding my problems I have managed over the last 5 years to come along way faward but seem to have hit a brick wall once again regarding my emotions and feeling and how I am ment to express and talk about my feelings / emotions a lot of the time my head gets so messed up me scared to talk about what is going through my head as I think my wife and family wil think less of me if they know what was going on in my mind but having these thoughts wizzing round in me screws me up inside and I end up running form everybody and isulating myself to sort my head out until it stops I don't know how to start to talk to te people I love and care about but I CA TALK TO A STRANGER / DOCTOR doesent make sence to me why I get a mental block with in me to express my inner thoughts and state of mind
 
madmark

madmark

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
999
Location
uk
and it seems every time I make changes in my lifestyle food/medication/sleep pattern / anything I become ill with in myself so go back to how I was and my body / mind seems to manage once again at this level
 
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