Been a battle for 28 years with no medication

Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi Mark,
I'm so terribly sorry about your brother and now your mum, here to listen anytime.
Can anyone else help you in the family, like cousins or aunts/uncles?
It is hard coping, the Macmillian staff are very good they will help support you to.
Take care:hug:
 
madmark

madmark

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ive just become lost cant think straight i have bev my mrs a huge support and ive been giving my mum and dad support throughout the last 6 months with my mums cancer treatment and when my brother passed away sortid it all out for them and still sorting it out but ive broke myself now x
 
madmark

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mum had the stent fitted in her wind pipe yesterday and pulled through again ime finding it so difficult as it isent treatment she will never be better just making her last another day or 2 or 3 no body knows its minute by minute and so cruel on her and the family its like false hope every time
 
J

JCPraha

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You've been through such hardship the past few months. Must be so difficult to handle. I wish the best for you. I hope things will finally settle down for you and you will get some peace.
 
J

JCPraha

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It must be so difficult to see your mum suffer. I really hope and pray she will be relieved of her pain and suffering. You have endured so much lately. It is unbelievable. It is so good that Bev is very supportive of you. We can be very grateful for her. I am so glad you have her.
 
madmark

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merry xmas to you all and thank you all for your support my mum has made it to xmas day sorry its the middle of the night and i cant think straight been out all day visiting my children and grand children dropping off there presents my brothers urn turned up 2 days ago so i went and put his ashes in to that will try to add photo once i done righting i amd doing my best to support my mum and dad also take care of normal life if i can call it that ime feeling so lost now my energy has gone ive had to leave my self employed work as couldent keep up with everything so now no job to support us no money coming in i cant sleep my head just wont stop its been like 1 constant day for seems like 3 months ime truely not sure how ime coping ime guessing ime not just keep breaking down in to pieces when ime alone i just feel so useless want to put things right but i cant do nothing my brother is dead my mum is dieing in front of my eyes my dad is also falling to pieces i had to memorial plates made for my brothers urn with his details and poem on but have post pic of the urn with out them on ime still sorting out his estate with the solicitor as that isent complete yet my head is all over the place will try to sort photo now just needed to do short update and wish you all merry xmas and a happy new year x s-l1600.jpg
 
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LostSoul89

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Hey I've been battling depression without meds since January when I went cold Turkey. The 1st couple weeks I felt great which was the placebo effect but since then I've come crashing down.

The meds didn't exactly resolve my underlying depression as I was still in despair but they took the edge off somewhat. Now I have nothin to take the edge off at all & I've never felt worse. Christmas perked me up a little bit just like yourself.

I've also been an excessive worrier since I was a kid, exacerbated by mostly staying in my room. I'm sure you can relate to some of this so just want to give you some comfort.
 
J

JCPraha

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Hello Mark,

Not a lot can be said to make things better. You have been under such a tremendous stress, and it appears like it is ongoing. It is very hard to keep working when so many very difficult things are happening. Things will eventually settle down, but I suppose that is easy for me to say. When going through such terrible times it feels as if it will never end. At least that has been my experience. I am happy you have some support with Bev and your children. I really hope and pray there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and you can start working again. I really hope 2019 will be a better year for you, as this one has been extremely trying.

- James
 
madmark

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thank you for the lovely comments and support was with my mum xmas day and boxing day but had to get amberlance out boxing day as she was very ill again and taken in to hospital were she still is at the moment but once again picking herself up to return home i have great concerns regarding help and support for all of us which ive raised with the hospital and they have noted now feel ive gone against what my mum /dad/sister want but i can not sit back and watch it happen again as profesional help needed at the home but my mum says no so ive had my say and now its being looked in to i fell ill boxing day so low and so ill with in myself chest infection and mental state a mess ive got to see the doc today ime realy strugeling to cope keep getting flash backs of my brother dead on the floor all this started now my mum in hospital and my mind isent on looking after her at home dont know how to deal with it all still not working cant do that in this state i cant even think straight from minute to minute my head is like scrambled from thought to thought no focus on life at all no energy and now worry as run out of money to survive on feeling so low and useless and lost the view on life i managed to build over many years now i feel doom and gloom and life is pointless again what a massive backward step and i cant find my way back to were i was ime just focused on not doing anything harmful to myself and nothing else if that makes sense as self punishment is back in a big way i feel so weak my complete body hurts and headaches from hell feel so trapped at this level with no exit showing up no matter how much i search sleep is the same flash backs of my brother and my mum being ill just dont know how to cope with this or what to do regarding it so much anger in me and mixed emotion not sure i can keep myself going at this level but also dont think i can drop any lower as feel ime at rock bottom now so scary i havent seen my mum/dad/sister since boxing day as i ill and now not sure weather i can deal with seeing them again feel isulated from it all
 
madmark

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hope u feel better soon pollypop sorry to here u to are unwell and docs yes got chest infection and very low mood so on a coarse of steroids and antibiotics to help clear the chest infection and try give me a bit of energy back got to call wellbeing service to get myself back on there list for consoling and return to the docs on monday morning for another check on me regarding my chest lungs and mental state not finding things easy at the moment my mum came back out of hospital today so ime told but cant go see her why ime in this state i thought life was difficult many years ago built myself up to end up with this fall feels like ime in hell every were around me is death illness doom and gloom and i forget to say my best mate from my childhood his mother who he has looked after for last 20 years passed away just before xmas and i was ment to go to the funeral on the 3rd jan but had to let him down as i was and still am in a bad way physical and mental so this also hit me hard on the mental side i let him down i just can not seem to get out of this state of mind and life as its all around me
 
Liza9560

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Mark...you are a strong guy to deal with all of this.

What would make you smile? A funny movie? Watch one with your mom and dad? I know that sounds paltry compared but it may be a nice break for you all, and you can do it together.

Can you look for a therapist that offers care with fees on a sliding scale? Does your community have any resources like that?

Try this exercise: Lie down and place your hands on your abdomen, with your fingertips just meeting. Inhale, and feel your hands rise and your fingertips stretch away from each other. Exhale, and feel them come together again and touch. Do this 24 times. Focus on your fingertips.

I’ll pray for you...life is so difficult sometimes, but you can hug your mom and dad and feel the love for them.

I love you! You are loved.
 
madmark

madmark

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hi liza9560 nice to have your comments and support dont think you commented on my page before so thank you lovely to here from you at the present time ime also ill so can not go to my parents home to support them as can not risk my mum catching my cold i am relying on all that i have learnt over many years of battling my depression and illness which is doing me very well but now ime realy starting to fall as this is just on and on round and round and the struggle of staying focused on anything else outside this is not working its on my mind 24/7 and i can not seem to stop it so once again its taking over my complete way of thinking regarding life and reality ive been to the docs and going again monday to talk to them so yes ime calling for help once again but still in the back of my mind ime fully aware this isent going to change the situation which is what is scary i feel like a rabbit in the car headlights not knowing which way to turn my brother who did live with my mum and dad died in september 2018 just out of the blue there 1 day gone the next so his support there has gone and left a big hole with in the house hold i jumped in sortid his funeral and all legal paperwork and still sorting it out and then this news with my mum straight after none of us are coping just pushing day by day thats all we can do and i havent even had time to except my brother has died still think he is there in his room its just not registered in my head yet just jumped in to caring and helping my mum/dad and its broke me ime now on steroids and antibiotics to fight a chest /lung infection ive picked up and had since boxing day so once ime over this i will be back on board with my parents helping them again the rest of my life is on hold left work no family life nothing so hooked up with this situation and its like waiting for my mother to pass away and seeing all the pain she is in ime proberly the strongest person in the link at the moment and trying to keep everybody in the frame and cant see it being any different untill she passes away then comes part 2 funeral and helping my dad cope such a battle and proberly sounds bad me saying this but its like ime at war and ime preparing for the next battle before it gets here only problem i havent delt with the 1st battle yet just not had time to it scares the hell out of me whats going on and what we all going through with nothing we can do apart for support each other only 1 outcome in the end sorry cant put down any more at the moment breaks me
 
madmark

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I can understand how the funeral will be a very difficult experience, to say the least. In the long run, I think you will feel better if you go. You will feel guilty for many years if you do not. It will be very painful, but I think you must go and the rest of your family can use your support. Take care.
hi james ime reading back through my posts as i type as i lose myself and i need to thank you for this advice i followed what you said and made it to the funeral and proud of myself for going to see my brother to rest and support my family your words were wise and stuck with me for this thank you for your support r like you say i would now be feeling the guilt with no going back to fix it THANK YOU MARK
 
Liza9560

Liza9560

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Mark—you said “iam relying on all that i have learnt over many years of battling my depression and illness which is doing me very well”

What are your favorite tools that you’ve learned over those many years?
 
madmark

madmark

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Mark—you said “iam relying on all that i have learnt over many years of battling my depression and illness which is doing me very well”

What are your favorite tools that you’ve learned over those many years?
i have learned a way to keep my life in different boxes so with regards to my mum/dad/brothers situation i put that in 1 box and deal with it as i can cope rest of my life family friends in another and use this for my support and love/care also mindfulness i look at each situation and work out what i can fix and what i can not and keep this to the front of that box i put it in so if i cant fix it i go in with that in my mind not repair just support and these 2 things help me the most keep focused and not sink i always used to try to fix all problems including people being ill and offer myself sacrifice / self harm thinking this will make them better if i felt the pain it would take it away from them even to the point i would try to end my life to support theres at this present time this situation is so intense and so long ongoing ime felling ime falling backwards and these thoughts are returning so i now seeking outside help docs again monday to discuss this and contacted wellbeing yesterday to get support on the go asap so its great ime having these feelings asking for the support the hard part is keeping myself focused in the real world but ime doing all i can at the moment it may well result in having to try medication once again but as this normaly work bad with me thats my last resort hope u understand from this how ime managing to work
 
madmark

madmark

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ok so got the final paper work for my brothers estate today signed dated returned on my parents behalf :) AND AS MY BROTHER WOULD HAVE SAID (MISSION COMPLETE ) love and miss you Paul rest in piece x
 

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