Been a battle for 28 years with no medication

nomadic

nomadic

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Hello Madmark,

am new to this forum too,

I wish you luck.
 
madmark

madmark

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hi nomadic how r u today i hope you feel well and welcome to my disscussion as you can see from my posts i have been a a bad way for the last two months and nearly ended up taking my life twice but no more managed to pull myself back i hope i can hold myself up i find i good to talk to people on here it does help me to share my thoughts and feelings and not be judged by people i hope lol hope you have a good day mate look after yourself and try to stay focused on the good things in life as there are lots of them
 
madmark

madmark

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well ime still focused on the future but my mind is still wandering to the past from time to time i guess there is no real cure and no way to realy get over and win this illness i still havent heard regarding councoling what a joke
 
madmark

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i am getting realy sick and fed up with this roundabout of emotions i live in cant keep control of myself and my head is all over the place once again
 
D

dawndeec

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I was diagnosed with bipolar but my moods flip in a matter of minutes not weeks or months. Its not like bipolar for them to change at this rate. I'm seeing a new psychiatrist soon for a new diagnosis were thinking its bpd. I also found anti depressents made me worse so I'm now on a atypical anti psychotic called seroquel xr. Which is also used for bpd it hasn't done wonders but its the best meds i have tried
 
D

dawndeec

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Also manic depression is the old name for bipolar
 
madmark

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thanx for reply dawndeec not sure wether i can be bothered with doctors any more they just keep giving me anti depressents that make me worse and dont seem to listern to what i say to them waste of time so far anyway glad to here you getting somewere with your problems
 
nomadic

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thanx for reply dawndeec not sure wether i can be bothered with doctors any more they just keep giving me anti depressents that make me worse and dont seem to listern to what i say to them waste of time so far anyway glad to here you getting somewere with your problems
I have been reading post to your thread, ....

I read Maxitab 's post a week ago.....

I agree......get properly diagnosed.....you must 'insist' your GP refer you to your local metal health department...

proper medication for the proper illness....

You have struggled on your own for long enough.....you must 'ALLOW' yourself the help.....

As said already in thread....DO NOT SUFFER UNNECESSARILY....

mental health have treatments for the symptoms, give them a chance to help you...

best wishes
 
madmark

madmark

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I have been reading post to your thread, ....

I read Maxitab 's post a week ago.....

I agree......get properly diagnosed.....you must 'insist' your GP refer you to your local metal health department...

proper medication for the proper illness....

You have struggled on your own for long enough.....you must 'ALLOW' yourself the help.....

As said already in thread....DO NOT SUFFER UNNECESSARILY....

mental health have treatments for the symptoms, give them a chance to help you...

best wishes
i am waiting for a appointment for councoling been waiting 2 months now they seem the same as doctors a waste of time and emotion on my behalf i have asked for help but never seem to get it what more can i do apart from try to help myself:stomp:
 
madmark

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what i have noticed just over the last 2 months is i get depressed mixed up nasty things going through my mind and shut myself down not talking to people so a i can deal with the issues in my head as soon as i sort it and get over them i am good for a few days then off i go again with different issues as if the goal posts keep moveing i try so hard to stay focused and involve myself in doing things but just cant seem to stay focused i had bad depression when i was a teenager but won the battle when i was about 25 was ok then all the way to the age of 38 yrs old then it slowly creeped back in to my life with the big bang being 3 months ago were i totaly lost the plot now i cant seem to get back to normal as i call it i am now 43 yrs old it seems as if its alot worse now than it has ever been in my life its as if i have 2 minds mine and the illness fighting me constant battle to keep focused on my life every possitive i think of i get 2 negitives pop up straight away was on the verge of leaving my wife and children the other day to stop there suffering as when i get down they go through it with me and cant get it out of my head that i cant stop my feeling but i can stop there suffering by getting away from them i feel so responcable for making everyone around me feel down it realy does hurt me
 
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madmark

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well i still waiting for this frigging appointment for my assessment doing my head in now just want it over and done to find out what they think
 
nomadic

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Hey Madmark,

I sometimes wrote things down so I could take it to doctors...

just feelings and thoughts...

i felt it helped take the pressure off me a bit...

the waiting is never easy....
 
madmark

madmark

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yes could be a good idear but the only thing is my list would be as long as my arm as they say my mood and thoughts change by the hour but hey good idear hope you ok and well
 
nomadic

nomadic

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hey you........ am fine....... thanks for asking...

write that down....."my mood and thoughts change by the hour"....

keep a note pad with you....jot it down...when the notion takes you....
 
TiredTina

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Hi madmark,

Living with depression is extremely hard as I know from experience. It is a constant battle which is absolutely exhausting as it takes all your energy to keep up the fight.

I picked up on the bit you wrote about thinking of leaving your wife and children. I can see what you mean about your illness affecting them as well but what you have to keep in mind is the affect your leaving would have which Im sure would be considerably worse.

I see you are waiting for an appointment and hopefully when that finally happens they will be able to offer you the support you need.

I see that this thread is called 'been a battle for 28 years with no medication'. Im sorry I havent had time to read from the beginning so dont know the full story. I dont know whether the no meds situation is because you havent been prescribed them or you choose not to take them. I will try and read your whole story so that I have a better picture.

If you havent done so already would you consider starting your own journal on here where you can keep a log of how you are doing?

Tina
 
nomadic

nomadic

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Hey madmark....

I agree with tina.....whilst under the depression......I found it so very difficult to work out my symptoms.....

In my case...very poor concentration....very down thoughts all the time.... etc...

my illness was untreated for many years....

Will someone be going with you to your forth coming appointment.....?

Have you the support of your 'family' in your efforts with mental health...?

You have support from this forum x
 
madmark

madmark

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thank you both and yes i have had meds and lots of them and was on them only 1 month agao again but they realy dont work just make me lose what little control i do have so i choose not to stay on them and yes before any of you say it i have given it a good go just my mind is so strong after suffering so long it over power the meds and yes 100% agree with you both its a massive battle to keep control and i do go within myself and shut down to protect myself some times for days even weeks with no feeling and no emotions scares me so much but i do regain control and bounce back had a real bad run 2/3 months ago got some bad news and it pushed me right over the edge which is why i asked for help tryed to take my life 2 times but managed to stop myself at the last minute but yes totaly lost myself for around 1 month but yes here i am still fighting but i am running out of energy and my lows are lasting longer and longer and i am slowly giving up as if my batteries are now flat i do have support but feel i need to do it on my own for myself i am 43 and had this illness since i was 16yrs old i dont look faward no more as the future scares me and i defenatly try not to look back this site is great i was on time to change site and done 2 months diary for the doc but they closed the site and it s been deleted such a shame as it was when i was at my lowest thank you all for your support it realy does help me dont know how but it seems to take away some of the suffering just by posting on the site for other peoples views and like i always say to people only people who suffer the illness will understand me so thank you and stay happy and be strong
 
madmark

madmark

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here i go again no emotions no feeling and shut myself down
 
madmark

madmark

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still cant shake this bad feeling within myself scares me why does it keep happening for no real reason ?
 

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