• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    We are an actively moderated forum. We work hard to keep the forum safe.

    To access many more features and forums please register now

Becoming addicted

T

Takingmybrain

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
89
Location
Leeds
Ive had a eating disorder since i was about 8 years old. Ive been through anorexia, bulima and binhe eating.
Im currently over weight but i have had stomach pains recently and started eating alot less.then i lost weight and now im obessed again with loosing weight. The feeling of getting on the scales and seeing it gone down i feel so happy. Im in now danger as im still over weight but i feel its become a old addidictive pattern. I love not eating or eating very little now.i feel proud when i can restrict myself which has been so hard given ive had binge eating disorder last 3 years. I also have autism so once i get in a routine i stay stuck and obessed easily with that and im worried itl soon become a huge issue i cant get out of... if it hasnt already.
I have a therapist i just started with anad she is a bit concearned at the rate ive lost weight in last few months given how i was struggling with binging so bad. Also because my perfectionist and obessniveness traits.

I dont know how to control this.or if i even want to really.
 
Brownangel

Brownangel

Active member
Joined
Jun 6, 2020
Messages
35
Location
london
Ive had a eating disorder since i was about 8 years old. Ive been through anorexia, bulima and binhe eating.
Im currently over weight but i have had stomach pains recently and started eating alot less.then i lost weight and now im obessed again with loosing weight. The feeling of getting on the scales and seeing it gone down i feel so happy. Im in now danger as im still over weight but i feel its become a old addidictive pattern. I love not eating or eating very little now.i feel proud when i can restrict myself which has been so hard given ive had binge eating disorder last 3 years. I also have autism so once i get in a routine i stay stuck and obessed easily with that and im worried itl soon become a huge issue i cant get out of... if it hasnt already.
I have a therapist i just started with anad she is a bit concearned at the rate ive lost weight in last few months given how i was struggling with binging so bad. Also because my perfectionist and obessniveness traits.

I dont know how to control this.or if i even want to really.
Hi, I'm so sorry you have been through all of that and still are. I hope you can find the help you need, but the first step is to accept yourself I think. I'm here to chat if you want someone to listen or vent to xx
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
547
Location
U.S.
I didn't realize getting stuck in patterns was a sign of autism. I've often wondered if I had it.
It's good you can see the unhealthy obsession you're having with losing weight. Remember when you original had the illness and you couldn't see that at all? So, see...you've improved. It's all a journey...a long one and often a lifetime one for this illness.
So, now that you've seen the unhealthy pattern, do you want to go back to where you were before? You're stronger than that...tell yourself you will not go back.
 
T

Takingmybrain

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
89
Location
Leeds
I dont want to be totally stuck no because i was miserable and trapped.i especially never ever want to be bulimic again that was the worest. But i liked that i was thin because people thought of me as more attractive even if i was maybe too thin for my height( im pretty tall) i want to be thin and happy but i never seem to be able to do it in a healthy way because i get obessed and want to to do it quickly as possible then i get stuck. Ive set myself a healthy weight goal target but i know when i hit it that it wont be good enough and i will lower it again. I hope i can work with my therapist to love myself a bit before that happens though.
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
547
Location
U.S.
I dont want to be totally stuck no because i was miserable and trapped.i especially never ever want to be bulimic again that was the worest. But i liked that i was thin because people thought of me as more attractive even if i was maybe too thin for my height( im pretty tall) i want to be thin and happy but i never seem to be able to do it in a healthy way because i get obessed and want to to do it quickly as possible then i get stuck. Ive set myself a healthy weight goal target but i know when i hit it that it wont be good enough and i will lower it again. I hope i can work with my therapist to love myself a bit before that happens though.
You say you liked being thin because "people thought of you as more attractive."
You are basing your self esteem on what others think. That's always a mistake because we don't have any control over others and if you base yourself on their views it's like walking a tightrope.

You have to base yourself on what you think because that's all that matters. You will need to get the positive self view from yourself and not others. You need to realize you're beautiful. Write it on the mirror if you have to until you start to believe it.
 
T

Takingmybrain

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
89
Location
Leeds
I was sexually abused as a child and fimd it very hard to like myself at all. It is something i really need to wprk on in therapy i know. Ive always been a misfit because my autism i just feel if i fit in physically by being thin people will accept be better. They did before.
 
Brownangel

Brownangel

Active member
Joined
Jun 6, 2020
Messages
35
Location
london
I was sexually abused as a child and fimd it very hard to like myself at all. It is something i really need to wprk on in therapy i know. Ive always been a misfit because my autism i just feel if i fit in physically by being thin people will accept be better. They did before.
Being thin is not healthy and someone will accept you. All of us on this forum are here to support you xx
 
T

Takingmybrain

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
89
Location
Leeds
Thanks everyone.
 
Top