Becoming a Mom

T

TiredButTrying

New member
Joined
Sep 19, 2018
Messages
4
#1
I'm 40 childless and still single. Feel like my life has passed me by. It's not that I never wanted to be a wife and a mother, I just never got to fully put it out in front. Never got to dream about it. Wish about it. None of that like most women do because they truly want it. I feel like time is running out for me to even have both, a mother mainly. It's the biggest missing piece to my puzzle. I'm not even in good place to be a mother and it scares me that I never will. I have too much of a full plate dealing past trauma and starting over in life at a late age. Then having to hear shit about older women having babies late. Lots are and have done it but you still hear shit about it not being good. People can be incredibly f*cking rude about it, especially other women. I don't know if my body can carry a child of my own. It hurts to think about it. I try not too but it happens and I cry or feel like crying when I see a baby and see or hear about some having a baby. I'm still hoping for my turn to come.
 
S

sadsadsad

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2018
Messages
110
#2
I'm over 40 and not childless but I wish I never had been a mother. Not that I don't love my child! Please do not misunderstand! But he had cancer and is now brain damage and probably dependent for life. I'm also bad at being a mother. I tried to do things I had no skill or means to do, like home education and it was a massive failure.

I also didn't realize what what were my true dreams. I wanted to be an artist. Am I one? No.

I think it's a good idea not to make one's happiness or realization dependent on that one dream. Being a mother or whatever.

Being an older mother is not impossible. You could adopt. Sometimes grandparents raise children! In their 60's and above!

But if you have mental illness or you tend for depression, anxiety, I do not recommend you become a mother. The responsability and the constant feeling of guilt you are doing it wrong... No.

You could maybe do the very next thing? Childcare? Babysit? Just ideas.

I hope you find peace and happiness in some way.
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2016
Messages
1,457
Location
sillyville, USA
#3
I remember the moment one Christmas I decided I wanted kids. This coming from a person who up to that particular point said they never wanted kids. I was at a family gathering and watched young children open presents. It was so sweet and from that moment on I decided to have kids. It was a total 360 from what I had thought in the past. In that moment I was seeing a tiny snapshot of one of the best and happy times with being a parent. What I failed to see was the bigger picture.
I was not over 40 but late 30’s. I believe the call of nature, the biological clock, was ticking and I became obsessed with having kids.
My husband on the other hand told me it was a lot more then I would ever expect and rethink it. He didn’t want to start and do it all again. He had a son from a previous marriage.
I insisted and we have two children.
The majority of being a parent is not sweet moments of watching little babies open presents. It’s extremely demanding. If you have mental health issues it can exasperate it 10 fold. Not only do you struggle with your own problems you have a little person your responsibie for. I had a vision of how I thought things would go and the reality don’t resemble each other very much.
I love my children very much but it’s been a true struggle.
I hope this gives you honest insight into the realities of being a parent. It’s forever.
If you do decide to have a child, both my sister in laws had children over the age of 40.
 

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