Become pretty lonely over the past few months (not related to convid)

[Crumblingpuppet]

been pretty isolarted the past few months and not leaving my room too much, started abusing drugs again after a year of being sober.. Even on drugs that are supposed to make you feel good i cant sleep and just cry...

 

[LokiPokey75]

Crumblingpuppet, I'm so sorry to hear that! There have been many times where I didn't want to leave my room. There are times I get so lonely, I want to just melt into the floorboards because I just don't want to exist.

What do you think hurts you the most?

 

[Crumblingpuppet]

Crumblingpuppet, I'm so sorry to hear that! There have been many times where I didn't want to leave my room. There are times I get so lonely, I want to just melt into the floorboards because I just don't want to exist.

What do you think hurts you the most?

What hurts me the most is im mentally alone and dont feel much respect for myself, going through a lot mentally and even on molly i cry (which i shouldnt)

 

[LokiPokey75]

I get not respecting yourself. Most times I haven't felt like I deserved good in my life. When I'm mentally alone, I hurt too. I'm crying, scratching at the air, kicking the wall. But you're never really alone when you have yourself to talk to.

I find it easier when you're alone to come up with an imaginary friend like you did when you were a kid. It can be a vessel for your fears and desires and a substitute for affection when it is absent from your life. I have a pillow I hug and kiss in order to sometimes imagine myself in a romantic relationship. I talk to it, but have the presence of mind to know it's just a pillow. I've discussed things that bother me with my pillow and having support from it (essentially your kinds words filtered through it) you can become your own best friend.

I didn't want to love myself. I wanted someone to love me. But that wasn't happening. So I turned an imaginary friend into a therapeutic vessel for loving myself. It's been an incredibly helpful tool at times.