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because i don't hurt myself as much

Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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as i used to people apart from BF think im doing so well

i asked my aunt how she thought i was doing and she thought well ,i asked her why and she said because you don't hurt yourself very much now


this makes me really angry
i have been very low and anxious and had terrible mood swings with feelings of dissociation
so im just wondering will i now get discharged because i am not hurting myself as much

does is not matter that i have constant suicidal thoughts and thoughts of sh but BF begs me not to do it

you won't believe how much i want to but he says he will hurt himself if i do so that stops me x
 
W

WhySoSerious

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Firstly I empathise with the difficulties you are having, this is clearly a difficult position to find yourself in.

Unfortunately you have hit on a really interesting and important point that often maintains people's self harming. If you self harm people believe you are unwell and therefore there is a motive to continue. That is really unhelpful but is what it is.

I'm interested in what you aren't communicating non-verbally that makes people think you are fine? We often think we are communicating to other people our pain but outwardly people think we look okay because they can't see the pain. Do you actually communicate or express your pain in ways that people can make sense of? For example, I can be anxious and panicking but externally you would absolutely never know. I look cool, calm even confident but I believe I am communicating my distress. It is only when people get confused by my anxiety that I realise I am not communicating it at all.

Well done for not self-harming. It is certainly an unusual method to stop someone else harming by saying you will do it yourself! I am unsure how healthy that approach is but if it works in your relationship then I guess it works.

What I am hearing is that there are many motives for you to continue self-harming - not being discharged, people knowing you are in pain etc. We need to focus on the pros for not self-harming. Sadly the system sets us up so that self harming is seen as ill and not self harming loses us support and care. Its really a tricky thing.

Keep your head up. You can do this.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Lu,
Lots of people don't self-harm they are still under mental health services.
You are still ill, it's just some people don't understand unless been thru themselves or are professionals.
I'm sorry your struggling, it's good you have more support.
You really don't need to hurt yourself for care etc.
Hugs
 
W

WhySoSerious

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On the flip side for that there are loads of people who self harm that aren't under MH services. I would argue that its not a pre-requisite for getting help and can (in some instances) block us getting help. For example, some therapies will not be offered if someone is self-harming.

Mayflower is completely right in this regard.
 
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