Be careful what you wish for

[Mad Hatter]

Well ever since my darkest days with anxiety and depression I've always retained the hope that one day I would recover enough to be able to go back to work again. I prayed for it, wished for it the works. I now realise that in this life you gotta be careful what you wish for.

I've been back a month now, gone on from 2 days to 5 and frankly wish I had never bothered. Things are not going well, I'm treated like a door mat. I get the responsibility of teaching yeah teaching a poor soul with difficulties I.T. It's one on one and I come away for 2 days absolutely mentally drained. Then at the other place of work (same company) all I seem to do is run around in the van here there and everywhere. I got just 10 days holiday after bank holidays and the time they take off for Christmas so it looks like I'm not going to be able to go far this year.

I feel I've made one of the biggest mistakes in my life doing what I've done and all for the stupid fact I could say well I tried. It just ain't worth it.

Oh and by the way Happy Easter from a very down hearted Mad Hatter

 

[Dollit]

MH if this is having a big negative impact on your life then please do something before the impact becomes worse. Last time I went to work I went back too soon and the agency sent me to a place that took 2 hours to get back home on a night and then moaned when I asked for a move. I cracked up to such an extent that I won't be able to go back to work again. I wish that I had stepped back and done things differently.

 

[Mad Hatter]

I feel as I'm in a no win situation. If I pack it up in my mind I will have failed and that might hurt me more than keeping on keeping on. I have always fought things even when I know I should just accept life the way it is. Anyone got a gun.

 

[Dollit]

Accepting limitations and learning to work around them isn't failure. Perhaps you really just need a different sort of job (I know it's easier said than done) or one that allows you more flexibility. I still struggle badly with not being able to go to work. I really loved working and when that went so did my social life. But I have to work on accepting it - sometimes on an hour to hour basis when I'm really grieving for it. One day I'll learn to let go.

 

[yakuza]

I also rushed back into work some time ago and ended up regretting it.
These days I accept each day as a challenge,however small that challenge may be,it's still worth the effort.
As a 'research fellow' once told me,"Don't set your targets too high,you only end up in a no win situation",I found that advice to be true.

 

[Mad Hatter]

Well the research fellow was damn well right !!

 

[Windblows]

Mad hatter you will be alright.

No need to do anything desperate. Be still a while and reflect on other things that you appreciate. It is Sunday. You do not need to work or do anything - just rejoice in the fact you have breath.

Going for a walk is always good at raising me out of depression and having a dog to motivate me into those walks has helped a lot. Depression sometime comes out of nowhere and it affects how we look at thing and how we cope. Sometimes it works the other way because we have overloaded our lives with to much to do and there is not way of kepng up the pace.

You may just need to slow down. However a brisk walk is where i am going rightnow.

 

[Mad Hatter]

Funny you should say that. Been out for a walk with my dog too. It has helped to lessen the depression but I'm now getting all panicky for some unknown reason, just cannot settle, I guess you win some and lose some with this illness.

 

[Dollit]

Just sit and concentrate on living in the present moment. Just let yourself be. If a thought comes into your head just let it wander round and it will soon wander off. Just breathe naturally.