battling constantly with food

[seekingpeace]

I am battling with myself wether to write this or not, but i need some advice from someone somewhere as i feel its getting worse, i feel totally out of control of my own mind at the moment, my main trigger for my eating issues are one sentance by my ex, 'you will never be anything other than an ugly fat bitch covered in stretch marks' he said this to me the day after i had my first son, and in the past few months its been in my head everytime i eat anything, it happened years ago, my son is approaching 9 now, so why is it haunting me so much now, i cant keep anything down, its beyond control, within minutes of eating something i have to make myself sick, my husband worked out himself what i was doing and decided to accompany me to the toilet, which is horrible, so now i find myself not eating at all, i pick something up, check the calories and put it back on the shelf, my husband makes me eat a meal when hes home, and ive got to the point of trying to come up with ways to hide it so my hubby thinks im a bit better, yesterday i ate, then ran him a bath, told him to go and relax whilst i tidied up, then as soon as he was in the bath i went outside and was sick in the drain i hate it, i hate the control my ex has over me, im exhausted but cant sleep and i look awful, i hate what i see when i look in the mirror..i want to be/feel normal again. but how?

 

[RedRoseBeauty]

seekingpeace I have one thing to say about your ex, he sounds like a nasty piece of work.
Who says that to a woman who has just given him a child?
You would clearly be emotional at the time anyways. It's not easy to hear someone say that to you but just think about what your body had been through at that time.

I know what it's like to think of an awful sentence when you eat, when i eat i hear the taunts I got at school (i left 3 years ago) it drives me to be sick.

However I have found recently if i eat healthy foods then i don't feel as guilty, if i eat chocolate, chips, sausage, white bread, white pasta & so on then i feel so guilty i have to get it out of my body asap ! but if i eat something healthy i don't feel too bad
maybe you could make sure you stick to a healthy diet?

Another thing is try talking to a counsellor maybe?
it's hard admitting you have a problem but when you do it's the beginning of recovery.

hope this helps slightly