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Badly Suicidal

Zardos

Zardos

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2013
Messages
2,460
i think of people who are dying allot.. People who want to live.. i wish i could gift them the life i had left.. They want to live.. And i want to die... Doesn't seem fair somehow.. There ought to be a way of swapping.

I'm watching suicide videos on YouTube.. Which probably isn't helping...

i don't know how i feel about people who have successfully killed themselves.. Are they to be admired or pitied..

i don't know what to do... i really don't
 
L

lizabeth

Member
Joined
Jan 21, 2018
Messages
9
I feel like that too sometimes, and I constantly feel like the walking dead, trying to interact with the world and make the most of what I have but there's something continuously in the way.

I don't think suicide is for the weak -- it's actually very hard to do however much you want to stop existing. I think that's a false bit of info that's passed around for many different reasons. But I still believe we can get out of all kinds of mental states and ways of being. Very very physically unwell people who are terminally ill do go through unbelievable amounts of pain - and are often stuck in another sort of torture place between life and death for a long time. I am glad I'm not in that place. I don't feel like I have many resources to help me start living and feeling again but I am trying a different tack now. The absense of imagination, enthusiam, and some kind of inability to think about anything around me beyond surface level is one of the worst bits of depression for me. It's that 'spirit' and sense of questioning and desire to problem solve and look for the good bits inbetween that is so hard to get back.

Good luck -- I hope this coming week is the start of meaningful change for you and that you get some joy in your life.
 
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Roadfool

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 14, 2013
Messages
174
Location
Staffordshire
I wish I could change how you feel, but that's unlikely as I feel the same.

Best of luck to you, Zardos.
 
exyz

exyz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,773
I'm sorry Zardos that you feel like this. I've lost people to suicide and thought about it myself often.
It is not about being weak, it is wanting the hopelessness to stop, I guess.
I don't think watching videos like that is too good for your mental health. Can you contact your CPN?
Not sure what good it may do but it's some contact and I know that you are very isolated.
Sometimes just getting through the next hour is all you can do. Not sure what else to say but wanted to let you know there are folks listening here.
:hug1:
 
frogsplash

frogsplash

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 30, 2017
Messages
235
hi i just wanted to report that i was having really severe suicidal thoughts a few months ago, but i have started on a med called duloxetine 60mg which i take before bed, and my suicidal thoughts have practically stopped completely now (they literally have just vanished). it only took a few weeks for the suicidal thoughts to stop, i have been taking duloxetine for 3 weeks as of writing this. im not saying i am totally cured of depression and anxiety, but something has definitely changed and i feel calmer and not full of negative thoughts and over-thinking anymore. so rest assured there is hope.
 
exyz

exyz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,773
How are you doing Zardos? Talk to us if it helps a bit :hug1:
 
write

write

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Aug 4, 2017
Messages
1,601
Location
stuck
this thread started in January, I hope Zardos is still here, he hasn't written on this thread since Jan but think has done elsewhere on forum. xx
 
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