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Bad Time Recently

sunset547544

sunset547544

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2016
Messages
746
Location
UK, London
I have had a terrible week. The depression has being beating me to a pulp. I was on holiday, but just stuck at home most of the time with not much to do. I will be turning 40 next year. I have no kids my wife doesn't want them. I don't really like her that much anymore to be honest, but scared of being alone. No real friends like I used to have. I have always had ridiculous ambitions that I will almost certainly never achieve. All I have in my life is work to be honest, and that is often very stressful coping with different people. I tried 5htp recently, it seemed to help for a few days but now I feel worse than ever. I have looping thoughts and song segments that go round in my head all day and I am constantly thinking about what a sad loser I am and dying. I am constantly looking for people to blame. I can't work out if my mother is my allie or someone who has been abusing me for my whole life. I have abused drugs in the past and have probably done some irreversible damage to my brain. I think I generally hate women and all the bs selfish ego attitude they have (I know men are just as bad but I don't notice it so much). I hate thinking about shameful things I have done in the past its a constant stream in my mind. The world must hate me and want me to die, why else would I feel so awful? Hell exists I must be in it now I am too much of a coward to end it all.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
30,762
Location
Mordor
Intelligence and curiosity pal. You have those attributes. I am past 40 dude, it has gone and been.

Take courage.
 
sunset547544

sunset547544

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2016
Messages
746
Location
UK, London
Thanks Burt, I think if I knew you in rl you would make a great friend.
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
443
Location
California, USA
Hi sunset!

I'm so sorry to hear that you aren't doing so well. I'm sorry if I keep asking this, but will you seek professional help? I know money is tight, but think of it as an investment towards your well being. Therapy has been helping me a lot and I encourage you to give it a try; it could make all the difference.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
238
Location
South Korea
I have had a terrible week. The depression has being beating me to a pulp. I was on holiday, but just stuck at home most of the time with not much to do. I will be turning 40 next year. I have no kids my wife doesn't want them. I don't really like her that much anymore to be honest, but scared of being alone. No real friends like I used to have. I have always had ridiculous ambitions that I will almost certainly never achieve. All I have in my life is work to be honest, and that is often very stressful coping with different people. I tried 5htp recently, it seemed to help for a few days but now I feel worse than ever. I have looping thoughts and song segments that go round in my head all day and I am constantly thinking about what a sad loser I am and dying. I am constantly looking for people to blame. I can't work out if my mother is my allie or someone who has been abusing me for my whole life. I have abused drugs in the past and have probably done some irreversible damage to my brain. I think I generally hate women and all the bs selfish ego attitude they have (I know men are just as bad but I don't notice it so much). I hate thinking about shameful things I have done in the past its a constant stream in my mind. The world must hate me and want me to die, why else would I feel so awful? Hell exists I must be in it now I am too much of a coward to end it all.
Yeah, I had times when sad songs loop around my head. I constantly blame myself for my wrongdoings. It sucks. But I gotta tell you, the world don't hate you. Keep talking to us, and you'll be fine. You'd be at least be cared for.
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
443
Location
California, USA
Yes, we love you sunset and we have your back!!! There are good people out there believe it or not and the life you strive for is out there too! Don't give up.
 
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