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Bad fight with my dad-He's right about me

N

Nancourt

Well-known member
Joined
May 26, 2018
Messages
97
Last night I had a bad fight with my dad. In a heated exchange he used something which I told him in confidence ( that I spent the day crying in bed) and there was his friend there. And he said it in such a derogatory way. I got so upset I threw something at the wall. Then I stormed off. And he started calling me names. he told me I'm a "loser" and a "faggot" and I couldn't keep a girl for more than 2 months.( To put into context my girlfriend of 2 months left me 5 weeks ago and it sent me spiralling down)

He called me a "nutjob" like my mother (She has schizophrenia). The worst part is I think he is right. My girlfriend probably left me because she thinks I am crazy and ran away from me. And he is probably right that I am going to be alone forever, maybe i deserve to be alone. Maybe I am too crazy for anyone to love. This is why I wish I was never born. This is why I hate myself so much.

I honestly go to be every night crying and begging first for my girlfriend to come back and when that doesn't work I just beg god to help me end it all. I want my life to be over. I've been reading and seeing this quote all over the internet "You have to love yourself first" But how can I love myself If I am insane like my dad said and a loser. And repulsive. Why was I born? If I was gonna be loved by no one why was I born. Please Why?

I don't want to live here or anywhere anymore? I think I am too soft and too weak for this world. I don't like lying to people. I don't like playing games with girls in order to get them. I like being honest, kind and genuine and generous whenever I can and with the little I have (granted it's not much) I don't like playing a jerk. I never want to feel guilty for making someone feel bad. Why can't life just stop here for me.

I don't want the suffering to continue, I am not made for it. I am just a pathetic, useless, repulsive, psychotic weakling who should have been aborted at birth, and I probably make everyone's life around me so much worse. My girlfriend was right to leave me, she must have seen something evil within me and ran.

I am sorry I am reaching out here so often, I know other people on here have serious issues and much worse situations, but I don't have many more options out there for me. I am scared to rely on my friends because they are busy and I don't want to scare them away with my needy problems.
 
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Y

Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
Last night I had a bad fight with my dad. In a heated exchange he used something which I told him in confidence ( that I spent the day crying in bed) and there was his friend there. And he said it in such a derogatory way. I got so upset I threw something at the wall. Then I stormed off. And he started calling me names. he told me I'm a "loser" and a "faggot" and I couldn't keep a girl for more than 2 months.( To put into context my girlfriend of 2 months left me 5 weeks ago and it sent me spiralling down)

He called me a "nutjob" like my mother (She has schizophrenia). The worst part is I think he is right. My girlfriend probably left me because she thinks I am crazy and ran away from me. And he is probably right that I am going to be alone forever, maybe i deserve to be alone. Maybe I am too crazy for anyone to love. This is why I wish I was never born. This is why I hate myself so much.

I honestly go to be every night crying and begging first for my girlfriend to come back and when that doesn't work I just beg god to help me end it all. I want my life to be over. I've been reading and seeing this quote all over the internet "You have to love yourself first" But how can I love myself If I am insane like my dad said and a loser. And repulsive. Why was I born? If I was gonna be loved by no one why was I born. Please Why?

I don't want to live here or anywhere anymore? I think I am too soft and too weak for this world. I don't like lying to people. I don't like playing games with girls in order to get them. I like being honest, kind and genuine and generous whenever I can and with the little I have (granted it's not much) I don't like playing a jerk. I never want to feel guilty for making someone feel bad. Why can't life just stop here for me.

I don't want the suffering to continue, I am not made for it. I am just a pathetic, useless, repulsive, psychotic weakling who should have been aborted at birth, and I probably make everyone's life around me so much worse. My girlfriend was right to leave me, she must have seen something evil within me and ran.

I am sorry I am reaching out here so often, I know other people on here have serious issues and much worse situations, but I don't have many more options out there for me. I am scared to rely on my friends because they are busy and I don't want to scare them away with my needy problems.
I’m really sorry your dad did that. As a parent myself I know we are to love our children and build them up not, Not tear them down! I will always be my children’s biggest cheerleader and offer any support I can. Don’t listen to mental abuse from him. I did from my Mother and believed it, but therapy has benefited me greatly and I now know my worth and realize her opinion about me had no power over me. You’re not a loser and not repulsive at all! As I’ve said before if someone truly loves you they are there even in your weak moments. A saying I’ve often seen (if they don’t love you at your worst they don’t deserve you at your best) Don’t ever feel sorry for reaching out, that’s what we’re here for. 💙
 
N

Nancourt

Well-known member
Joined
May 26, 2018
Messages
97
I’m really sorry your dad did that. As a parent myself I know we are to love our children and build them up not, Not tear them down! I will always be my children’s biggest cheerleader and offer any support I can. Don’t listen to mental abuse from him. I did from my Mother and believed it, but therapy has benefited me greatly and I now know my worth and realize her opinion about me had no power over me. You’re not a loser and not repulsive at all! As I’ve said before if someone truly loves you they are there even in your weak moments. A saying I’ve often seen (if they don’t love you at your worst they don’t deserve you at your best) Don’t ever feel sorry for reaching out, that’s what we’re here for. 💙
Thank you Brandi. I wish there were more supportive people like you around me in my life.
 
G

George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
295
Nancourt, reading your post has made me very sad. I feel for what you're going through. I'm so sorry for your pain and loss and what your dad has said to you. You matter to me if that helps at all. I'm sure your dad and mom love you dearly, even your dad. He just has a weird way of showing it. Sometimes people express hatred to their own insecurities by lashing out at people around them, such as their family and loved ones.

You need a loyal girlfriend. One who will love you for who you are. This isn't your fault. You deserve better then someone who will dump you for not taking the time to really understand who you are. You're not pathetic or useless.
 
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