Bad Feeling

[Apotheosis]

When I was last very ill (around 3 years ago) - Going through a psychotic/Schizophrenic break or whatever is the best way of describing it; at one point I had a very frightening experience. I "saw" an image; which was so strong & tangible that it was as if it was in front of me. It was as if it was real & carried allot of feeling with it. It took over the energy of the room & the word to best describe it would almost be a "vision"; it lasted days - of "seeing" the same thing. What I experienced was this - there was a very deep Ocean & sinking into the Depths was a very old & rusted wreck of a large ship or liner. Everything in my life; & some people from my life as well, were chained & manacled to the sinking wreck; cars I had owned, possessions, people I knew - were all chained & cemented together; sinking, I was chained to it all as well by my ankle; & it was like the whole image was frozen in one horrific moment. I was very frightened by this experience at the time, & accompanying it was a horrible, bad, hopeless feeling.

I have had some stress & worries recently; but nothing too major. I am not psychosed or in the middle of a psychotic break. But I have been having moments of the same feeling which I had then, for no apparent or explicable reason. Not all the time - it comes & then goes, the odd few moments here & there.

I have my own reasons for what the "vision" meant; & an understanding of this experience which I have incorporated into a positive way of looking at it. I will expand on that if anyone is interested.

I just wanted to share this here. Has anyone had any similar experience? Does anyone else have these bad feelings for no explicable reason? I know to say bad sound ambiguous - it is hard to describe - almost like a dead feeling or like being stuck in / made of mud.

Sorry if sharing this is negative, but I wanted to get some feedback. On the whole things are OK & often good; I am having good feelings too & whatever I am feeling at any given time does pass, often quite quickly. Thanks.

 

[yakuza]

Yes,I can certainly relate to your situation.

I don't think it would be very fair to other people reading a post if I stated exactly what I went through two years ago but it's fair to say that it was the most horrendous 'psychosis' I could have imagined.It lasted over two weeks.

I too get this feeling of 'snippets' from the past,especially when I'm feeling stressed or over anxious,it is never 'far away' in my thoughts.

I have had all kinds of relaxation techniques offered and advised,none of which have ever helped,medication (anti-psychotics) are the same,they reduce the risk but do not eradicate the problem or fears.

I do believe that in my situation there are 'triggers' such as particular sounds which increase my fears of this all coming back to haunt me but I can sometimes find a way of shutting myself off from what's going on around me.

 

[maudikie]

Bad feeling.

I amjust a carer. But I remember one weekend years ago, in the winter, so we couldn't get out. My patient's thoughts were racing - it was hard to keep up with his "chatterings". He had an out-patient appointment on the Monday and i took him. I have always been fortunate that the psychiatrists would see me as well as h im. but he started to describe a picture, which he could obviously see himself. When he has had his acute episodes his eyes chabge. they appear to e unseeing to te outside world.
Now he is well medicated, well occupied, but very vulnerable.I am sure that the idea of hearing voices is true to some, but that vision and possibly hearling are common to others.
What a condundrum this is to unravel!

 

[Nicolaxious]

Hey I can relate to your feeling completely, I have had feeling very much like that. I see your case as a form of your subconscious saying that there is something wrong in your life that has been bringing you down like a ship wreck. And everything you know of has been suffering in consequence of this change. I don't really know, I mean I just perceive it like that.
Rather in my scenario I have had a strange feeling of... heights... being squished and perused by a giant piece of rock... kind of feelings. They have been going away, but there was a time where i felt so vulnerable. I have had visions or dreams of falling horribly of a very high cathedral celling or being squished and trapped by giant orange pieces of mass about 200x me.

Thank you for sharing!

 

[jamesdean]

When I was last very ill (around 3 years ago) - Going through a psychotic/Schizophrenic break or whatever is the best way of describing it; at one point I had a very frightening experience. I "saw" an image; which was so strong & tangible that it was as if it was in front of me. It was as if it was real & carried allot of feeling with it. It took over the energy of the room & the word to best describe it would almost be a "vision"; it lasted days - of "seeing" the same thing. What I experienced was this - there was a very deep Ocean & sinking into the Depths was a very old & rusted wreck of a large ship or liner. Everything in my life; & some people from my life as well, were chained & manacled to the sinking wreck; cars I had owned, possessions, people I knew - were all chained & cemented together; sinking, I was chained to it all as well by my ankle; & it was like the whole image was frozen in one horrific moment. I was very frightened by this experience at the time, & accompanying it was a horrible, bad, hopeless feeling.

I have had some stress & worries recently; but nothing too major. I am not psychosed or in the middle of a psychotic break. But I have been having moments of the same feeling which I had then, for no apparent or explicable reason. Not all the time - it comes & then goes, the odd few moments here & there.

I have my own reasons for what the "vision" meant; & an understanding of this experience which I have incorporated into a positive way of looking at it. I will expand on that if anyone is interested.

I just wanted to share this here. Has anyone had any similar experience? Does anyone else have these bad feelings for no explicable reason? I know to say bad sound ambiguous - it is hard to describe - almost like a dead feeling or like being stuck in / made of mud.

Sorry if sharing this is negative, but I wanted to get some feedback. On the whole things are OK & often good; I am having good feelings too & whatever I am feeling at any given time does pass, often quite quickly. Thanks.

Sorry I havent learnt how to multi quote has yet but I just wanted to say with regards the negative thing it is far from negative sharing this experience I wish I could be more articulate best wishes James

 

[Apotheosis]

Sorry I havent learnt how to multi quote has yet but I just wanted to say with regards the negative thing it is far from negative sharing this experience I wish I could be more articulate best wishes James

Thank you James.

Multi Quote is easy when you know how, like anything.
When you press the quote button the text is started with, & finished with the Quote Tags (Quote) - at the start; & (/Quote) at the end. ( = [. The forward slash denotes the end of a Quote Tag. So, if you want to quote one section, just add in the end Quote Tag at the end of it, & then start the new quote with another Quote Tag, etc. That's the way I do it anyway. Hope that helps.

 

[Twylight]

' Flashback ' !!

Whether the image was real or not, it is lodged in your memory
Try not to worry
With the passing of time the memory will fade

 

[emski]

I quite get horrible feelings sometimes and they seem to come from nowhere. About 3 weeks ago I was doing an aerobics class and out of nowhere I got an impeding sense of death. I had to stop the class. This feeling lasted all evening and I couldn't sleep for fear myself or someone close to me was going to die. I ended up having a panic attack.

Last week between Tuesday and Thursday I was feeling very low, anxious and distressed. I kept having feelings of absolute despair and total emptiness in my heart but lots of nasty negative thoughts coming to mind for no reason.

I think these irrational thoughts and bad feelings I experience are anxiety based and come out of the subconscious, because I have been feeling up and down, but like yourself, have even been feeling genuinely good at times. I just think it is anxiety playing tricks on my mind. I just try my very best to distract myself from it, or tell it to go away because it does pass eventually

 

[Seethergrrl]

I wish I knew how to create an avatar - it's driving me mad!

I have stuff like this too. It's like things almost creep up on me out nowhere - I can be doing something and seem completely calm and then it's like the walls are closing in on me and I can't breathe. This happened most recently at my parents house when I was having dinner there, we were all just sat around and they were talking about something on the news - all of a sudden I felt extremely hot and although I was trying to breathe calmly and rationally it just felt like my lungs couldn't take any air in. I know in films (I'm thinking of 'Stuck On You' but that's probably not a great example!) people always clutch at their cheasts and think they're dying but when I have a panic attack it's more like I need to get the hell outside. NOW!

Similarly, I sometimes have days where I'll be fine at work and I'll manage to get everything done that needs to be done but then in the car on the way home I'll be in floods of tears and I'll need to pull over to compose myself. I sometimes think it's an almost cathartic response - I need to get stuff out (even if I don't necessarily know what the 'stuff' is) and then I can start getting on with things again.


X

 

[emski]

I get the teary outbursts too, even if I'm having a good day. They come completely out of the blue. Strange aren't they?!

 

[Seethergrrl]

I get the teary outbursts too, even if I'm having a good day. They come completely out of the blue. Strange aren't they?!

Really strange. Worst are when I'm getting ready for work and I'll have put all my make-up on and suddenly, with no warning, the waterworks start and my recently applied eyeliner is streaking down my face.

 

[spiritual_emergency]

I came across the following in my various wanderings and since it bore some similarity to the description of your experience, I thought you might enjoy reading it as well. Note that the passage below is only an excerpt from a much longer piece...

Schizophrenia: The Inner Journey

... Now, it was Dr. Perry's thesis in his paper that in certain cases the best thing is to let the schizophrenic process run its course, not to abort the psychosis by administering shock treatments and the like, but, on the contrary, to help the process of disintegration and reintegration along. However if a doctor is to be helpful in this way, he has to understand the image language of mythology. He has himself to understand what the fragmentary signs and signal signify that his patient, totally out of touch with rationally oriented manners of thought and communication, is trying to bring forth in order to establish some kind of contact. Interpreted from this point of view, a schizophrenic breakdown is an inward and backward journey to recover something missed or lost, and to restore, thereby, a vital balance.

So let the voyager go. He has tipped over and is sinking, perhaps drowning; yet, as in the old legend of Gilgamesh and his long, deep dive to the bottom of the cosmic sea to pluck the watercress of immortality, there is the one green value of his life down there. Don't cut him off from it: help him through.


Source: Schizophrenia: The Inner Journey - Joseph Campbell [PDF File]

See also:
- Epic of Gilgamesh
- Schizophrenia & The Hero's Journey

.​

 

[schizolanza]

Hi Apotheosis.Reminds me of an experience I had years ago.I was listening to music waiting for the mushrooms I'd eaten to take effect.Then Annie Lennox 'why' started playing.By the time I'd got half way through the song I was in a world of hurt.The curtains exploded into tiny pieces of glass.I was so frightened and filled with the feeling that I had somehow opened the gates of hell into my life.As the mushrooms got stronger I experienced the most terrible terror.I thought I was going to kill my family.The 6 hour trip seemed more like 6 years and was the worst trip I ever experienced.

 

[ramboghettouk]

The light bulb used to turn into a skull then i'd see streams of skulls everywhere, i wouldn't be able to stop talking my thoughts out loud

Remember the psychistrist seemed to understand, he asked relevant questions then he said "you think pdeople can read your thoughts" i said "thats right" then i thought thats crazy and got really confused

Was grateful for the largactol at the time, i couldn't sleep at all and it helped me sleep, it also stuck my thoughts together

 

[Apotheosis]

Thanks for the interesting replies everyone.

So let the voyager go. He has tipped over and is sinking, perhaps drowning; yet, as in the old legend of Gilgamesh and his long, deep dive to the bottom of the cosmic sea to pluck the watercress of immortality, there is the one green value of his life down there. Don't cut him off from it: help him through.

I know the story, but I never linked it. Thanks for the link. I will read the full article.

Reminds me of an experience I had years ago.I was listening to music waiting for the mushrooms I'd eaten to take effect

I used to use a lot of drugs. The times I have been psychosed have been stronger than drugs. But I've had some very odd trips. The first time I did LSD, I took half a trip, started coming up, & felt good, so I took another two & a half trips. Then the drug really took effect. I thought dogs were chasing me, then I was convinced that I was dying & that my hands were falling off. I calmed down & was hallucinating a lot. Trees looked like they were covered in Christmas lights, & the sky was filled with luminous green crosses. I got punched by some drunk lad, for no reason, & then thought I was being chased by this group of people. I ran & then walked for miles; to another town. The experience never stopped me taking it again. I thought at the time I found some kind of key to the Universe. Mad.

Was grateful for the largactol at the time

It does have that effect of blocking everything out.

I have been chatting tonight with a couple of friends; we got into discussing the content of psychotic experience; & the similarities in the themes, & deeper meanings of the experiences. Things like - the Devil(s), Robots, certain technologies, etc. It was an interesting chat.