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Bad counselling session today

J

Jisatsu

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I saw my counsellor today and I was already in such a bad mood because of going back to school and having UNIVERSITIES SHOVED DOWN MY THROAT. It's basically like I'm hearing "GO TO UNI GO TO UNI GO GO GO". I hate school.

There's also a trip that I can't go on tomorrow about uni and something else uni orientated next week. Anyway, I was with my counsellor and she touched upon something that upset me and she also asked "What're you thinking now?" as I wasn't talking.. I was basically thinking about how when I was walking to see her I looked over bridges and across roads and thought of ways I could kill myself and how I don't think I'll ever be able to tell anyone in person that. I tried my hardest not to cry and I just kind of put myself in a bubble and phased out. I feel like a waste of time/space.
 
messymoo

messymoo

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Hi Jisatsu Sorry your having a really tough time at the moment are you sure you can't tell your counsellor how you are feeling maybe they would be able to help, you are definately not a waste of time or space either :hug:
take care of yourself
Messy x
 
S

sipos

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Your post has kind of hit a chord with me. I feel it is in some ways similar to what I have been going through. I hope that talking about it can help.

I started seeing a counsellor recently and, he often asks me things which seem completely irrelevant or upset me. I definitely feel at times that talking to them is not that helpful. That said, talking to them did encourage me to see the doctor which I think is a good thing. I am going to stick with it for now.

I have been having suicidal thoughts for a while and, initially, I didn't mention them to the counsellor. I couldn't bring myself to tell them.

When I spoke to the GP, it was by phone at first. I don't really understand why but, my GP does telephone appointments and, they had one of those before a face-to-face one. The GP asked me directly whether I had had thoughts of harming or killing myself and, when they asked, I told them I had. I think being asked and saying yes is easier than brining it up yourself. It may also be easier by phone. After that, I spoke to the GP about it when I saw them and I brought it up with the counsellor.

I get the impression that this might be something they ask depressed people as a matter of course, perhaps someone else can confirm if their GP did the same? If so, this is definitely an easier way to discuss it. I wish my counsellor had asked.

It was hard to talk about and, it was upsetting. My GP especially was very sympathetic and, I am pleased I was able to tell her. If you find it hard to talk to your counsellor, you could talk to someone else (like a GP) and ask them to tell the counsellor or, you could switch to another counsellor.

I'd definitely recommend finding someway to tell someone. If you can't do it face to face, perhaps you could write it down and give it to them.
 
S

sipos

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I think it's worth saying that, however much you might feel that you want to end your life right now, you can feel different. I was convinced that I wanted to do it and was planning to in the very near future.

My grandmother died and I'm not sure if it was seeing how it feels to loose someone or, reflecting on her life but I realized I don't actually want to. I wish it hadn't happened but, I am grateful that it at least made me see I don't want to kill myself.

I feel like a waste of time/space.
I feel the same a lot of the time. Especially after talking to my counsellor. You definitely aren't though.
 
J

Jisatsu

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Thanks for the replies, messy and sipos.
To sipos: I have been seeing a doctor and counsellor as I am on anti depressants at the moment. My doctor first asked me if I had suicidal thoughts 6 weeks ago and I said no but I wasn't telling the truth. I have to be asked it again on wednesday but I don't know if I should confess.. she said the anti depressants can increase suicidal thoughts but I don't know.. I also had written down all the feelings I have and took them to my counselling session today but I couldn't bring myself to show the paper to her :(
 
S

sipos

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I was worried that, if I told them they wouldn't prescribe me anti-depressants and, I'd be left with no options (since counseling doesn't seem to be helping). They prescribed me Citalopram anyway though (which apparently can increase thoughts of suicide). They just warned me that it can do that and told me to contact them if this happened and gave me a card with the samaritans number on for my wallet.
 
Rosepoet

Rosepoet

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You are a valuable human being You must talk about how you feel you will not feel Like this for ever x
 
J

Jisatsu

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I will try to tell my doctor next wednesday and/or my counsellor next thursday but I don't know if I'll be able to. I never want to cry so I just don't talk about things that will upset me :(
 
BORTU

BORTU

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Hey jisatsu,

We are all in your corner cheering you on. Hang in there.
 
D

DELATEXT

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Hi, you are very worthy and need to talk to your support team, maybe the job thing got to you to much ??
can you get a wee break, rock festival or holiday to unwind ???
 
J

Jisatsu

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I've got 5 weeks of school before I go to sonisphere festival ahhh :( Too long to wait!
 
H

HeadSick

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I saw my counsellor today and I was already in such a bad mood because of going back to school and having UNIVERSITIES SHOVED DOWN MY THROAT. It's basically like I'm hearing "GO TO UNI GO TO UNI GO GO GO". I hate school.

There's also a trip that I can't go on tomorrow about uni and something else uni orientated next week. Anyway, I was with my counsellor and she touched upon something that upset me and she also asked "What're you thinking now?" as I wasn't talking.. I was basically thinking about how when I was walking to see her I looked over bridges and across roads and thought of ways I could kill myself and how I don't think I'll ever be able to tell anyone in person that. I tried my hardest not to cry and I just kind of put myself in a bubble and phased out. I feel like a waste of time/space.
You should talk to your counselor abouut your suicidal feelings so she can understand just how bad you are feeling. The worst thing I ever tried to do was kill myself. I saw the pain on my parent's faces and it took me over a year to get over the guilt. I feel like it was some sort of fateful punishment when my best friend killed himself 2 1/2 years later. If I had known the pain I could have caused I would have never even thought about it.
 
D

DELATEXT

Guest
Education is never easy at any time , it is a tool for you to utilize to decide your employment choices, also to study and do something you really enjoy ??
You have to be able to make these decisions from a stance of well being and confidence !!
being hampered by a severe illness makes such choices so very difficult ??
Your Doctors should be giving you good realistic advice on how you proceed ???
 
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