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Bad Anxiety

h24

h24

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2021
Messages
170
Location
istanbul
So, I have been going through really stressful time and started waking up with anxiety. Then it turned into debilitating Health Anxiety, I started believing I had Parkinson's. I check my every move, every action for sign of illness. I constantly google symptoms. I even asked my neurologist about it and she said it sounds very psychological. I can't relax which makes me shake and tremor. My whole life I had really vivid dreams and I often remember them I wake up, I started believing that is a sign of REM sleep behavior disorder. Last night, I woke up after random sexual dream with full body shaking which I rarely get and decided it is a sign my brain is deteriorating. I also see these illusions/hallucinations where I catch a figure of cat or human in the shadows in the very edge of my eye and I believe those are early symptoms of it. I stopped eating because I started to fear those foods are not healthy and will get me more sick. Also I fear my father is also sick. It stresses me out and I want to get him to live a healthy life but he is not doing it. He has always had a bad sleeping pattern and he refuses to walk because of his bad back. I can't stop thinking. I can't function. I've always had a bad anxiety but I have been doing very good in last 6 months. I feel lost.

I found a doctor specializes in CBT but he postponed the appointment to late December. I tried different CBT exercises, meditation, breathing exercises and sharing these worries with people to make my worries less catastrophic in my head. It helped for Health Anxiety a bit but my anxiety level is still too high. I don't want to sleep because aı am scared I will wake up more anxious. I even get anxious about being anxious because i think if i am anxious it will get me sick.

Do you have any suggestions for me? I cant see a doctor earlier, I only have Atarax and Selectra at home.
 
M

MamaMax

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Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
91
Location
Inverness
Hi H24, I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. Virtual hugs to you.

I can relate to a few things in your post, the obsessive googling for one. I am also experiencing high morning anxiety that settles off at night and makes me not want to go to bed because it means another morning.

It's so hard that your appointment has been postponed, however you can use that time to work with self help guides. I am in the UK, so I use the self help guides from the NHS, I don't know where you are from but hopefully there is an equivalent?

You can also keep sharing on here, I am very new but have found some lovely support here.
 
ATARI

ATARI

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Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
1,120
Location
south carolina
Hmm. . .

Anxiety Can Be A Song Without Rhythm, Rhyme, And Or Reason.

Preparation Is Key.

There Is Also Over The Counter Medications That Can Be Useful.

Get Your Rest. And Keep Your Focus With A More Positive Approach And Or Outlook.

One Day, And Maybe Even Tomorrow.

It Will All Fall Into Place!. . .:coffee:
 
h24

h24

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2021
Messages
170
Location
istanbul
Hi H24, I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. Virtual hugs to you.

I can relate to a few things in your post, the obsessive googling for one. I am also experiencing high morning anxiety that settles off at night and makes me not want to go to bed because it means another morning.

It's so hard that your appointment has been postponed, however you can use that time to work with self help guides. I am in the UK, so I use the self help guides from the NHS, I don't know where you are from but hopefully there is an equivalent?

You can also keep sharing on here, I am very new but have found some lovely support here.


Thank you. I actually downloaded those but i couldn't focus at all. I will try again today. I am feeling better today, at least I can talk about it in a more cohesive way. I live in Turkey and the mental health approach here is really bad. The public hospitals are free but the doctors couldn't be bothered. I found NHS ones and they seem very detailed.

The google is truly evil when it comes to symptoms. When I am in a healthy state of mind, it helps me a lot. When I am not, I see the illness I believe I have everywhere.

The anxiety in morning sucks. I go to sleep after finally feeling calm and wake up like a mess. I know what triggers all of these but I am unable to control it. It is frustrating.

I do love this forum. It is a truly wholesome place. I try not to get too dependent on it though, as I develop fixations on stuff easily.

Wishing you well and sending you hugs.
 
h24

h24

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2021
Messages
170
Location
istanbul
Hmm. . .

Anxiety Can Be A Song Without Rhythm, Rhyme, And Or Reason.

Preparation Is Key.

There Is Also Over The Counter Medications That Can Be Useful.

Get Your Rest. And Keep Your Focus With A More Positive Approach And Or Outlook.

One Day, And Maybe Even Tomorrow.

It Will All Fall Into Place!. . .:coffee:

Hopefully. I haven't had such a serious anxiety attack in 6 months. I am very rusty when it comes to dealing with it. My cat has been really affectionate since I started having bad anxiety, I think he smells it in the air, runs up to me and hugs.
 
M

MamaMax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
91
Location
Inverness
Thank you. I actually downloaded those but i couldn't focus at all. I will try again today. I am feeling better today, at least I can talk about it in a more cohesive way. I live in Turkey and the mental health approach here is really bad. The public hospitals are free but the doctors couldn't be bothered. I found NHS ones and they seem very detailed.

The google is truly evil when it comes to symptoms. When I am in a healthy state of mind, it helps me a lot. When I am not, I see the illness I believe I have everywhere.

The anxiety in morning sucks. I go to sleep after finally feeling calm and wake up like a mess. I know what triggers all of these but I am unable to control it. It is frustrating.

I do love this forum. It is a truly wholesome place. I try not to get too dependent on it though, as I develop fixations on stuff easily.

Wishing you well and sending you hugs.

The NHS ones are very detailed and I know what it's like when you just can't focus. I tend to try to work through them at night when I am better and hope what I am learning will start to take root in the mornings.

The thing about Google and the internet, is that people rarely go on it to share good things. You know what I mean? People like to share their troubles, complaints, ailments and so forth. And when it comes to health stuff, Dr Google has literally no bedside manner and lists every possible cause of a tiny symptom, whereas an actual doctor, having spent years in training, doesn't bother even thinking of the fifty thousand potential causes and after a few checks, narrows it down to what it is most likely to be. Dr Google is useless really. He is like a Dr wannabe that flips open the medical text book and shoves every possible option down in the hope one is the right answer.

At the heart of health anxiety is the thought that we may die. And the truth/fact is that one day we will. However do we really want to spend our lives worrying about something that really we have no control over? Everyone out there that isn't suffering from mental health also knows the eventuality of life. The difference is that they are choosing to live life, instead of focusing on its conclusion. .

This is what we need to get into our brains and that take time, thought management and repetition. Our brains didn't learn to think the way it does over night, so retraining it isn't overnight either.

Do the self help guides. Don't listen to your feelings because our feelings lie. Feel like it's not helping? So what, do it anyways. Feel like you can't be bothered? So what, do it anyways.
 
h24

h24

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2021
Messages
170
Location
istanbul
The NHS ones are very detailed and I know what it's like when you just can't focus. I tend to try to work through them at night when I am better and hope what I am learning will start to take root in the mornings.

The thing about Google and the internet, is that people rarely go on it to share good things. You know what I mean? People like to share their troubles, complaints, ailments and so forth. And when it comes to health stuff, Dr Google has literally no bedside manner and lists every possible cause of a tiny symptom, whereas an actual doctor, having spent years in training, doesn't bother even thinking of the fifty thousand potential causes and after a few checks, narrows it down to what it is most likely to be. Dr Google is useless really. He is like a Dr wannabe that flips open the medical text book and shoves every possible option down in the hope one is the right answer.

At the heart of health anxiety is the thought that we may die. And the truth/fact is that one day we will. However do we really want to spend our lives worrying about something that really we have no control over? Everyone out there that isn't suffering from mental health also knows the eventuality of life. The difference is that they are choosing to live life, instead of focusing on its conclusion. .

This is what we need to get into our brains and that take time, thought management and repetition. Our brains didn't learn to think the way it does over night, so retraining it isn't overnight either.

Do the self help guides. Don't listen to your feelings because our feelings lie. Feel like it's not helping? So what, do it anyways. Feel like you can't be bothered? So what, do it anyways.

I just googled more stuff because I remembered how I somerimes see a random figure for a split second in my peripheral vision. When I look there it is another object or shadow. They are very common in Parkinson's early development. I am more worried than before now even though I read same articles yesterday. The fear formed right after I started the first module.

I don't want to die, especially before I achieve anything significant.
 
M

MamaMax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
91
Location
Inverness
Did you know that spiking anxiety also causes vision changes and that our mind plays tricks on us? And that pretty much every person suffering with anxiety and depression will also have early Parkinson's? The symptoms are similar I agree, however the difference is that early Parkinson's is exceptionally rare, but anxiety and depression is very common! The law of probability means it is far far more likely that your symptoms are caused by anxiety, panic, depression rather than early stage parkinsons.

What would you like to achieve in your life?
 
h24

h24

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2021
Messages
170
Location
istanbul
Did you know that spiking anxiety also causes vision changes and that our mind plays tricks on us? And that pretty much every person suffering with anxiety and depression will also have early Parkinson's? The symptoms are similar I agree, however the difference is that early Parkinson's is exceptionally rare, but anxiety and depression is very common! The law of probability means it is far far more likely that your symptoms are caused by anxiety, panic, depression rather than early stage parkinsons.

What would you like to achieve in your life?

I know but my brain cant rationalize right now. I know if I got rid of the cause of stress in my life, I'd instantly heal. I am so fixated on Parkinson's because my grandfather developed it after a stroke and it was painful to watch him as I grew up. Few months ago my neurologist I see for my face palsy told me I might develop Parkinson's later in life if I dont start taking care of myself because I have autoimmune thyroiditis. I don't know if she was trying to scare me to lose weight or she was serious. It turned my fear of Parkinson's into a a monster. I have lost 10 kg and stopped eating gluten, dairy, soy etc. Still, I got a visual migraine for the first time ever and it scared me more. Lately, I have been under severe stress because I need to submit a graduation project to university.

I dont know, I just want enough money to have a house in the remote part of the country. I want to feel the achievement of graduation. I actually don't know what I actually want. I just want to enjoy what I do.
 
M

MamaMax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
91
Location
Inverness
Well it seems as though you have some valid reasons for your anxiety over Parkinson's planted by the trauma of your grandparent and by the neurologist.

Have you spoken to your neurologist about what was said? If your anxiety is stemming over what they said previously, it seems a good idea to talk to them again and get some clarity.

You realise loosing 10kg is a fantastic achievement don't you? It might not be the kind of achievement you want but it's impressive and a good indicator of your strength. As for a house and graduation, this all seems very achievable, once this anxiety is under control.
 
h24

h24

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2021
Messages
170
Location
istanbul
Well it seems as though you have some valid reasons for your anxiety over Parkinson's planted by the trauma of your grandparent and by the neurologist.

Have you spoken to your neurologist about what was said? If your anxiety is stemming over what they said previously, it seems a good idea to talk to them again and get some clarity.

You realise loosing 10kg is a fantastic achievement don't you? It might not be the kind of achievement you want but it's impressive and a good indicator of your strength. As for a house and graduation, this all seems very achievable, once this anxiety is under control.

Actually according to my mother who was in the room she said "you are not gonna get younger, you need to get your life together. You have Hashimoto's and in following years you can develop more serious conditions." I will see her in 3 months. She thought I was doing better than earlier appointments and when I voiced my concerns she said I should see a psychologist/psychiatrist, start meditating (or praying if I am religious) and follow the diet/exercise plan I was given by functional nutritionist. I didn't know about hallucination part so I didn't mention it, I didn't even think those are hallucinations because they have always happened to me.

It was very traumatic to see him like that. He lost his ability to move, talk and even eat. He used to live with us and he died when i was 10 in 2001, he was 70. I couldn't even feel sad about it.

I wish I could go back in time and change all the mistakes I made that put me under so much stress, made me sick etc.
 

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