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Back at it again

rainbowsocks

rainbowsocks

Well-known member
Joined
May 18, 2020
Messages
80
Location
USA
Been self-harming over the last week or so. It's just been a bit much with the depression and voices. The problem is that each time makes me want to do more. I don't feel relief afterward so it's not like a "reward" or anything. There's just this one voice that commands me to do it (or worse). Typically self harm is enough to avoid "the big one" but I've been thinking about that a lot too. Haven't self harmed today yet but I'm definitely thinking about it.
 
I

iWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH3

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Joined
Mar 31, 2020
Messages
779
Location
USA
I agree with lovely MidNightPhoenix here. You deserve to show yourself love. I'm here to listen. Do you have any healthy hobbies you can do at home? Board games, journalling, relaxing music, t.v. or movies? Studying a subject that interests you? :hug:
 
rainbowsocks

rainbowsocks

Well-known member
Joined
May 18, 2020
Messages
80
Location
USA
I agree with lovely MidNightPhoenix here. You deserve to show yourself love. I'm here to listen.
It's hard to even care a lot of the time. Self harming helps but I feel guilty because I don't feel guilty about it. It's especially hard because of the consistent, persistent voice that tells me I'm worthless and deserve to be hurt and such things. He's one of the oldest, most convincing voices I have and I struggle to understand he's not real.

Do you have any healthy hobbies you can do at home? Board games, journalling, relaxing music, t.v. or movies? Studying a subject that interests you? :hug:
Yeah, I have some hobbies like writing and video games and similar. But my depression will often interfere with having enough motivation to pursue any of those.
 
rainbowsocks

rainbowsocks

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Joined
May 18, 2020
Messages
80
Location
USA
Yesterday and today have been pretty good but as the day goes on I'm finding more and more desire to self harm.
 
Princess Zelda

Princess Zelda

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Joined
Apr 22, 2020
Messages
721
Location
Germany
Sorry about all of this going on right now. I completely understand.

I think a good solution is talking to someone about what's going on. Someone who can understand. I also think that focusing on hobbies helps a lot. I understand it's not easy to do. For me, I just focus on watching movies or playing video games. Even if the thoughts don't fully go away, it helps you for a while to focus on something different. I hope you feel better soon and I'm wishing the best for you :hug1:
 
Princess Zelda

Princess Zelda

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Joined
Apr 22, 2020
Messages
721
Location
Germany
Thanks. But I did it again earlier and am thinking about doing it some more before I go to sleep.
Not too long ago, I went back to self harming. It doesn't help and I just felt guilty afterwards, but other things that help me is therapy and also writing a journal. Whether it's a journal or diary on here or in real life. It helps get your thoughts out. It doesn't always have to make sense. Sometimes I wrote sentences that didn't even make sense to me, but at least in that moment I was getting my thoughts out in a way that wasn't self harming. Maybe you could try that out.

I know how hard it is to stop self harm. I hope you find a way to help you feel better.
 
rainbowsocks

rainbowsocks

Well-known member
Joined
May 18, 2020
Messages
80
Location
USA
Almost a week without. Feeling better.
 
rainbowsocks

rainbowsocks

Well-known member
Joined
May 18, 2020
Messages
80
Location
USA
Couldn't even make it 2 weeks.
 
Mal84

Mal84

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Jan 15, 2020
Messages
1,203
Location
Hovering in the Atlantic
That’s okay, you went over a week of fighting those feelings and urges and it may not seem like it to you but it proves how strong you are.
 
rainbowsocks

rainbowsocks

Well-known member
Joined
May 18, 2020
Messages
80
Location
USA
That doesn't really mean much. I've gone years without but eventually get overwhelmed. I mentioned in another thread that I'm going to ask for a med adjustment so we'll see if that helps.
 
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