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Awful Experience with CPN. Can't Cope

M

mrspoon

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 25, 2016
Messages
260
I find the comment she made here interesting.

'She said if I got better then my husband would leave me and by staying a sick person I'm keeping him where I want him. '

It was the first time you met with her yes? so how could she know enough about you to make that judgement? I often wonder if sometimes these people bring out the feelings they have within themselves or perhaps she knew someone in her private life who does this and kind of transfers them onto the patient. I believe they call it transference....

If someone can't be professional and keep those thoughts to themselves at the least they should not be in that job. Leaving aside 'burnout' I think quite a few workers within mental health have their own problems and it may be why they go into the job in the first place. The problem of course with that is, while for some it helps them understand others they work with better, with others it may actually be a detriment,because their own problem interferes with the care they provide.

And finally I think pressure on resources does bite them, and they start pointing fingers at certain people on the books they feel should not be there or who aren't trying hard enough. Whether that was why she was like that with you I have no idea, because some workers in my experience are just like that with basically whoever they see..... It could be she prefers seeing male clients, it could be as simple as that, she is judging you and being a bit sexist...

Finally they talk about manipulation and mindgames patients employ with them, I actually think they do the manipulation and mindgames themselves, this could well have been some kind of amateur psychology to see how you react. I would not put it past them. You might find if you saw her again she would be nice as pie... My own social worker did that, first time I saw her she was pretty cold and dismissive, next time after speaking to my psychologist about me, completely different. This time she got weird again.

I just think it's all very haphazard and potentially dangerous ,because different diagnosis's require different approaches, and even people with the same diagnosis respond different to a different approach. Some people i dare say respond well to a kick up the ass talk,like if someone is told 'come on there is a whole world out there get out and live it'... but again there is no need to do it nastily. I can't see how that helps ever.

others it could be the very wrong thing to do. What concerns me is they seem to get it wrong and it something happens to the patient they will cover their arses.
 
T

Trixxie

Member
Joined
Oct 14, 2016
Messages
10
Well I saw GP today and told him everything. He was shocked but unsure as to where I should go from here. He thought either go back to CPN next week for my next appointment and bring my husband with me or not to go back at all (which he said might be the better option considering how much the whole experience set me back). In that case I'd just see my GP once a month with no cmht input, which wouldn't be ideal situation. He didn't think it likely they'd give me another CPN.

This evening my husband rang the team leader at cmht to tell them I wouldn't be returning and why. The team leader (who I attended for 2 years before all this as they didn't have a CPN to give me) rang back and I told her everything over the phone.
She was very shocked and apologetic and said it shouldn't have happened. I think she believes me as during the 2 years I was with her I never cried once in front of her so when I say I was sobbing and very distressed at how aggressive the CPN was during the appointmeant, she would know (I hope) that I'm not exaggerating. She's going to allocate me another CPN.

My fear now is that the new one will be just as bad but will have to wait and see. I should be relieved but I'm just at the end of my tether and worn down by the whole nightmare.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,504
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
When you go on your next appointment, remember, the person you meet has their own baggage. If he or she turns the conversation in an unkind direction, you can immediately cut them off.

It's something that has happened to me on several occasions, resulting in my mind repeating the incident over and over and over. But you can be grounded in yourself and know that the other person has unhealthy patterns. Don't let this person steal your serenity. She has you thinking you did something wrong when it is she who did something wrong.

I can give you an example of something similar that resulted in me replaying the incident for days. A Director of a drop-in art center for MI people was ADD himself. He always took on more projects than he could ever finish. He volunteered to do the page layout on my book. So he couldn't figure out how to do it. He attacked me saying I was abusive to the illustrator, who was schizophrenic. He said I was abusive to him ALL YEAR long. Not true, we only had one fight and then made up. So the Director said the project was over and we hadn't even done the final edit. He spoke to me in a condescending tone and I didn't think to defend myself. I ended up paying full price for the illustrations which only fifty percent of them were any good. I had to hire someone else to finish.

For DAYS I replayed the Director's unkindness over and over and over.

I now have a New Years Resolution that I will not be affected by other people in this way. It is their relationship with themself that causes their behavior towards others and it is not a statement of my own worth. If I learn that it is their limitation in understanding their own self, then gradually I will cease to react.

I share this because I hate to think of you continuing to react.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
11,005
Location
England
Hi Trixxie,
I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, I hope the new CPN supports you and is caring. Hope your feeling better very soon.
Take care
 
T

Trixxie

Member
Joined
Oct 14, 2016
Messages
10
Aw Thankyou both. Your kindness means a lot.
I'm trying to tell myself that how bad she made me feel is nothing to do with me but really says everything about her.
I've tortured myself going over it again and again as that's part of what I always do but I'm trying very hard to stop that. I have to keep reminding myself that how she was is actually nothing at all to do with me.

I will be prepared for the next one and if there is any of the same then I will be half expecting it now and ready to fight my corner, rather than crumbling as I did this time.

I'm hurt and sad that there's so many others going through what I did. It really shouldn't be like this and is very cruel as vulnerable people suffer enough getting through each day as it is. It's helped me so much though to be able to come here and get it all out so can't thank you enough for all the support.

Hi Trixxie,
I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, I hope the new CPN supports you and is caring. Hope your feeling better very soon.
Take care
When you go on your next appointment, remember, the person you meet has their own baggage. If he or she turns the conversation in an unkind direction, you can immediately cut them off.

It's something that has happened to me on several occasions, resulting in my mind repeating the incident over and over and over. But you can be grounded in yourself and know that the other person has unhealthy patterns. Don't let this person steal your serenity. She has you thinking you did something wrong when it is she who did something wrong.

I can give you an example of something similar that resulted in me replaying the incident for days. A Director of a drop-in art center for MI people was ADD himself. He always took on more projects than he could ever finish. He volunteered to do the page layout on my book. So he couldn't figure out how to do it. He attacked me saying I was abusive to the illustrator, who was schizophrenic. He said I was abusive to him ALL YEAR long. Not true, we only had one fight and then made up. So the Director said the project was over and we hadn't even done the final edit. He spoke to me in a condescending tone and I didn't think to defend myself. I ended up paying full price for the illustrations which only fifty percent of them were any good. I had to hire someone else to finish.

For DAYS I replayed the Director's unkindness over and over and over.

I now have a New Years Resolution that I will not be affected by other people in this way. It is their relationship with themself that causes their behavior towards others and it is not a statement of my own worth. If I learn that it is their limitation in understanding their own self, then gradually I will cease to react.

I share this because I hate to think of you continuing to react.
 
T

Trixxie

Member
Joined
Oct 14, 2016
Messages
10
Progress

Sorry it's taken me so long to update.
I had appointment with new CPN a couple of weeks ago. It went well and she seemed very understanding. I'm wary of them all now though but time will tell if she is as she seems. I have 2nd appointment with her at start of the year.

I actually didn't hear anything back from the team leader after the conversation where I told her everything that had happened and she had said she'd allocate another CPN. I have a feeling she had tried to sweep it under the carpet.

It was only when I had an appointment with my psychiatrist that things got moving. Team leader had informed psychiatrist but as I was telling him what happened he kept saying "did you tell team leader ALL of this". This made me think she'd played it down and also the fact she had never got back to me with a new one.
The following day after my psychiatrist appointment the new CPN was on the phone so the pyschiatrist had obviously cracked the whip.

The new one did say that all CPNs are now short term recovery based and the days of seeing them for years on end are long gone. I have had my problems since childhood so don't fit into the short term recovery bracket, but they say that's just how it is.
Anyway, will take it one step at a time.

I still go over that awful meeting in my head and torture myself with it but it's not so raw now and hopefully will fade as time goes on.

I can't thank you all enough for your support and will keep you updated as to how I get on.
 
V

Verbena

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 20, 2016
Messages
47
Location
UK
I am relieved that you were listened to. It took strength to do that because most people would have been told it was their illness and their fault and that they should not gossip about staff to their colleagues. They would usually all gather together and blame the client. This is good news and shows thinking is changing. They are realising they are not perfect and do behave unprofessionally and in this example, outrageously, too.
 
I

Izera

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2016
Messages
403
I wonder if it'd be worth it to have a tape recorder or phone doing an audio recording in a pocket whenever there is a new appointment.....be kinda hard for a professional to explain away that.
 
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