Awful Experience with CPN. Can't Cope

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Trixxie

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#1
Hi,
I'm new and hope this is the right section to post.
I've had numerous cpns over the past few years. Most came for a couple of visits and then would say they were discharging me as they were retiring. None ever did a care plan.
My GP kept referring me back to them each time discharged.
The last one warned me not to get re-referred as there was no point.
GP yet again referred me back and eventually one came and seemed friendly, apologised for the way the service had treated me up to now and even filled out a care plan.

Three weeks later (a few days ago) I saw her again but this time she seemed different. She began by saying I didn't want to get better (I have social phobia, agoraphobia, panic disorder, chronic anxiety, depression among other things)
......she said it suits me to be ill.
I only ever talk to my husband and am completely isolated and very afraid of everyone and everything.
She said if I got better then my husband would leave me and by staying a sick person I'm keeping him where I want him.

I tried to explain how frightened I am of people but she said that was nonense and that I had no problem sitting there talking to her perfectly well.
I tried to tell her my problems have been lifelong since primary school but she cut across me saying that was nonsense and she didn't believe in things going back to childhood and that that sort of therapy was a "load of sh*t"
I was sobbing and very distressed at this point but she just kept goading at me and didn't stop.
She said 'you have a brain in your head don't you' - whatever that meant?

I was extremely distressed and upset and crying but she just kept verbally kicking at me with this 'you could get better if you wanted to' 'there's nothing stopping you getting better' over and over
She said she'd make an appt for next time and said she wondered would I come back.
She then said 'that was tough, wasn't it'

The thing is that she was the only person I had spoken to for many months (apart from my husband and gp) and I was referred to her for support, not some sort of boot camp that left me so distressed.
I have been crying pretty much since it happened and feel like I am the useless time waster that she implied I was.
I really do feel like giving up.
If I complain then it will go to the last cpn I saw as she is head of the dept (they said they didn't have a proper cpn for me so could only give me her at the time) and, although not as bad as this one, she too was dismissive saying I needed a "good kick up the backside" .....so she won't take any complaint seriously and will be angry I got re-referred in first place when she told me not to.
I really don't know where to turn or what to do.
I'm in bits ......
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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#2
:welcome: Trixxie. Welcome to the Forum. It sounds like this person thought she was giving you tough love except she was missing the love part. I'm sorry you were exposed to her when you are trying to trust people. There are nicer ways to get you to get out of the house doing things that will help you be more social. If you just make one plan a week to go somewhere, do you think you could do that ?? Do you have any friends ?? The people on this forum will be happy to befriend you. :)
 
sunset547544

sunset547544

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#3
About 50% of my experiences with the NHS have been no help / worse than no help. I don't have much faith in the NHS. A lot of money paid in taxes to fund it are wasted. I hate to say it but I think overall we would probably be better off scrapping it and paying less tax.
 
T

Trixxie

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#4
Thanks for being so kind Poopy Doll. It feels like the whole world is against me.
No I don't have anyone apart from my husband. I'm very scared of people and isolated.
I hadn't been out for weeks but I actually suggested me going to her at the hospital for the appt, which I did. It took such a lot to do it but I forced myself as I know I have to keep trying.
I think that's what hurt a lot .... If she had understood what it had taken for me to even travel to get to her then she wouldn't have said I wasn't putting any effort in or didn't want to get better.
I thought the first appt would be getting to know each other but the ongoing attack and bootcamp type style, even when she could see I was very distressed, was shocking.

Yes sunset I agree. If I had been paying to see someone privately then I doubt I would've been put through this. With the nhs my GP has to had to continually fight to get a cpn assigned to me and I can't help feeling the treatment I received on Tuesday was some sort of punishment for my GP yet again pushing things for me.
I imagine the cpn is thinking I won't go back or request one again after that experience.

I'm so upset that someone who is supposedly a mental health professional could be so dismissive, cold and cruel.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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#5
Dear Trixxie,

You made quite an effort to go see this person and she should have given you positive reinforcement for having succeeded. She is not a nice person. Just think, she has to live with herself. One thing I did for myself is I made a female friend. I picked a person and invited them to an interesting place. You can go to lunch with a female pal and museums and parks, etc. Or shopping. This was an important step for me. My female friend is a librarian, so we talk about books. She likes to talk about spirituality.

I have a lot of trouble getting out because I have pain in my legs. So I have to push myself.

Even if you are a cat or dog, you get positive reinforcement not ridicule.
 
P

Pixieb34

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#6
'Chronic anxiety is very serious, some psychiatrists see it as borderline psychosis' ( losing touch with reality). That's what I read somewhere!
I have an anxiety disorder and psychosis and one GP told me I just needed a kick up the axxse. I had been sexually assaulted and my behind had been...you know in the attack, so having a male Dr loudly say that to me really upset me. I never complained. Now I wish I had complained as he might have been like that to other patients. I really think the CPN should get told off for upsetting you, but I guess you would then be worried about facing her again, or her colleagues. You could look up if there is an 'Adovacy' service near you. It is someone who comes with you to meetings and helps you speak up. I bet the CPN will act completely different in front of them. I had one care coordinator who was really bolshy with me saying I could be forced to take Meds ( actually I was told this was illegal unless I'd been under a specific section) when I saw the woman again, with my advocate, she was all smarmy, had no memory of her threat to put me on clozapine. She was scared the advocate would report her. I hate bad CPNs, they give a bad press to all the amazing nurses out there who go above and beyond! Please know that she was wrong to try and guilt trip you, it's sick to do that to a mentally suffering person. It is probably that they are under massive pressure from above to discharge people to GPs. Every week they get given targets to discharge more people and they get done if they haven't discharged enough! It probably wasn't even personal, she has probably been told to get you off their books! I also heard that some mental health teams can only deal with the most severely mentally ill, people who are in and out of hospital due to voices, and cannot afford to keep on stable schizophrenics. I know I'm being discharged even though my voices are bad because they say I never go through with killing myself. Anyway I hope you are ok, it was cruel of her, it's not your issue, it's hers.x
 
T

Trixxie

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#7
Thankyou for your support Pixie. The world to me at the moment feels a very scary hostile place and it helps so much to know that I'm not on my own in this.
What happened to you with both GP and care co-ordinator was appalling. There are good ones out there but as you say the bad ones end up giving them all a bad name and some of them are just downright cruel.
I think you are right about them being under pressure to knock people off the books as quickly as possible.

My husband has now rang the CPN. He told her what a state I've been. She was nice as could be (I'm not in the least bit surprised as I expected no less) and basically denied everything. She even said I only cried a little (I was sobbing my heart out and very distressed, saying I can't deal with this while she kept repeating that I don't want to get better, it suits me to be sick etc). The two versions of what went on in the room are very very different.
She did admit to saying at the end 'that was tough wasn't it' so she gave herself away with that as it was a 1st getting to know each other appt and wasn't meant to be in any way 'tough'.

She wanted me to go to the hospital today to talk about it but I just couldn't do it. I'm not sure if I can see her again as the trust has gone completely and I'd be scared of her attacking me again. She was a different person entirely on the phone with my husband.

I know they will try to twist this that I am making this up but in all the years I've had services I have never once complained. I would imagine I'm not the first person she has done this to and others have complained about her though.

I'm just so gutted it happened as I takes a lot for me to meet anyone and try to trust them. If I complain formally I'll probably burn my bridges with them all. I think I might try the advocacy route but don't think they'd be able to come with me to every appt but they might be able to help with getting me another cpn? I'm losing faith in the whole system. It's hard enough trying to get through on a day to day basis without all this.
I really do appreciate the support on here.
 
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Jonwal

Jonwal

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#8
I think there's too much pressure on them and they all turn to asseholes to cope because they can't find another way. but I'm not defending them. I have an appointment Tuesday and I'm really not looking forward to it coz of bad past experiences with them. If u have low mood and they think u shouldn't have or ur suffering they like to find the weakness and expose it twisting the knife in hard. My second to last cpn asked me why I don't carry a knife putting suggestion in my head and one of them said they need to kick my ass. One of them said we know what u did coz I had a fight with with my mum but she stabbed me in the head and booted me in the face. I think they are largely ignorant. Have you watched any of Gabor mate on YouTube or read his books I find it helpful to know there is someone who is not an idiot who understands pain and trauma and suffering.
 
Jonwal

Jonwal

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#9
I think it would b good if u could rate healthcare professionals like on check a trade or something.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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#10
they get a MI of their own called Burnout and a significant % have it before they even graduate

it means they dissociate and seem like they don't care, well they don't, but its because they used to care Too Much.

a lot of these people have Compassion Burnout by 20 or so. :(

what compels them into the caring profession, burns them out.

also ive had psychs who just did it because it was perceived as an Easy Uni Course.
 
T

Trixxie

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#11
Yes I've been trying to get my head round how someone could be so cruel and how someone who was supposed to be giving me support was doing very much the opposite.
I think you are right and that with a lot of mh professionals there is a lot of compassion fatigue.
I've had ones who have come and made it clear they didn't care and weren't interested. I'm used to that now.

This attack was on a different level and her cruelty and complete lack of any empathy at all was shocking. She must know that blaming and accusing someone who is already hard on themselves and blames and accuses themselves daily is a sadistic thing to do. The more distressed I became, the more she threw the accusations at me.

I can only think she was trying to offload me from the service once and for all and that was the way she went about it.
It scares me and saddens me that his sort of thing is happening.
 
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BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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#12
Yes I've been trying to get my head round how someone could be so cruel and how someone who was supposed to be giving me support was doing very much the opposite.
I think you are right and that with a lot of mh professionals there is a lot of compassion fatigue.
I've had ones who have come and made it clear they didn't care and weren't interested. I'm used to that now.

This attack was on a different level and her cruelty and complete lack of any empathy at all was shocking. She must know that blaming and accusing someone who is already hard on themselves and blames and accuses themselves daily is a sadistic thing to do. The more distressed I became, the more she threw the accusations at me.

I can only think she was trying to offload me from the service once and for all and that was the way she went about it.
It scares me and saddens me that his sort of thing is happening.
my (now ex) BFF is a nurse and her Attitude is Absolutely Woeful.

she actually told me she wouldn't care if her daughter died in a terror attack.

of course they are very good at Judging and Instructing OTHERS on their Faults. :(
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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#13
Hi again, I just want to add a thought here. Please, next time someone starts to verbally abuse you in a sadistic manner, DO NOT CRY in front of them. Show no weakness. Immediately confront them and say, "You do not get to speak to me in this manner !!! NO, you do NOT !!" We do not have to passively accept their abuse. Cut it off as soon as it starts. Believe me, they'll be shocked.
 
E

Endall

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#14
Trixxie, I am sorry to hear what an awful experience you had. You were strong to keep in the room with her, even when you started to cry. I've not cried in front of anyone in a very long time and have walked when things that were said I did not like and were untrue.

As for the comments on mental health professionals. I sadly know someone who works in that sector. Her attitude to me is vile and I cannot imagine her as a worker to be any better. If she cannot get her head around something simple as someone not texting her back asap, then I would hate to be looked after by her. Her number is now blocked on my phone due to her bombarding me with texts if I did not reply back right away. I maybe young, but my mobile was never glued to my hand!

Clearly working in that sort of job requires some sort of heartlessness.
 
T

Trixxie

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#15
Hi again, I just want to add a thought here. Please, next time someone starts to verbally abuse you in a sadistic manner, DO NOT CRY in front of them. Show no weakness. Immediately confront them and say, "You do not get to speak to me in this manner !!! NO, you do NOT !!" We do not have to passively accept their abuse. Cut it off as soon as it starts. Believe me, they'll be shocked.
Trixxie, I am sorry to hear what an awful experience you had. You were strong to keep in the room with her, even when you started to cry. I've not cried in front of anyone in a very long time and have walked when things that were said I did not like and were untrue.

As for the comments on mental health professionals. I sadly know someone who works in that sector. Her attitude to me is vile and I cannot imagine her as a worker to be any better. If she cannot get her head around something simple as someone not texting her back asap, then I would hate to be looked after by her. Her number is now blocked on my phone due to her bombarding me with texts if I did not reply back right away. I maybe young, but my mobile was never glued to my hand!

Clearly working in that sort of job requires some sort of heartlessness.
That's what caught me out. I am very embarrassed to show emotion usually and will always try to hold the tears back. It's been the first time ever after years of going to these people that I lost control like that and began sobbing. It must've been the shock that she was actually doing this. It felt like I was dreaming it.

I keep reliving it all in my head over and over and thinking how I would so love to turn back the clock and instead of collapsing in tears, say to her "how dare you speak to me like that" and really let her have it. I'm being eaten up inside with anger over it all now.
 
M

mrspoon

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#16
I find the comment she made here interesting.

'She said if I got better then my husband would leave me and by staying a sick person I'm keeping him where I want him. '

It was the first time you met with her yes? so how could she know enough about you to make that judgement? I often wonder if sometimes these people bring out the feelings they have within themselves or perhaps she knew someone in her private life who does this and kind of transfers them onto the patient. I believe they call it transference....

If someone can't be professional and keep those thoughts to themselves at the least they should not be in that job. Leaving aside 'burnout' I think quite a few workers within mental health have their own problems and it may be why they go into the job in the first place. The problem of course with that is, while for some it helps them understand others they work with better, with others it may actually be a detriment,because their own problem interferes with the care they provide.

And finally I think pressure on resources does bite them, and they start pointing fingers at certain people on the books they feel should not be there or who aren't trying hard enough. Whether that was why she was like that with you I have no idea, because some workers in my experience are just like that with basically whoever they see..... It could be she prefers seeing male clients, it could be as simple as that, she is judging you and being a bit sexist...

Finally they talk about manipulation and mindgames patients employ with them, I actually think they do the manipulation and mindgames themselves, this could well have been some kind of amateur psychology to see how you react. I would not put it past them. You might find if you saw her again she would be nice as pie... My own social worker did that, first time I saw her she was pretty cold and dismissive, next time after speaking to my psychologist about me, completely different. This time she got weird again.

I just think it's all very haphazard and potentially dangerous ,because different diagnosis's require different approaches, and even people with the same diagnosis respond different to a different approach. Some people i dare say respond well to a kick up the ass talk,like if someone is told 'come on there is a whole world out there get out and live it'... but again there is no need to do it nastily. I can't see how that helps ever.

others it could be the very wrong thing to do. What concerns me is they seem to get it wrong and it something happens to the patient they will cover their arses.
 
T

Trixxie

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#17
Well I saw GP today and told him everything. He was shocked but unsure as to where I should go from here. He thought either go back to CPN next week for my next appointment and bring my husband with me or not to go back at all (which he said might be the better option considering how much the whole experience set me back). In that case I'd just see my GP once a month with no cmht input, which wouldn't be ideal situation. He didn't think it likely they'd give me another CPN.

This evening my husband rang the team leader at cmht to tell them I wouldn't be returning and why. The team leader (who I attended for 2 years before all this as they didn't have a CPN to give me) rang back and I told her everything over the phone.
She was very shocked and apologetic and said it shouldn't have happened. I think she believes me as during the 2 years I was with her I never cried once in front of her so when I say I was sobbing and very distressed at how aggressive the CPN was during the appointmeant, she would know (I hope) that I'm not exaggerating. She's going to allocate me another CPN.

My fear now is that the new one will be just as bad but will have to wait and see. I should be relieved but I'm just at the end of my tether and worn down by the whole nightmare.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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#18
When you go on your next appointment, remember, the person you meet has their own baggage. If he or she turns the conversation in an unkind direction, you can immediately cut them off.

It's something that has happened to me on several occasions, resulting in my mind repeating the incident over and over and over. But you can be grounded in yourself and know that the other person has unhealthy patterns. Don't let this person steal your serenity. She has you thinking you did something wrong when it is she who did something wrong.

I can give you an example of something similar that resulted in me replaying the incident for days. A Director of a drop-in art center for MI people was ADD himself. He always took on more projects than he could ever finish. He volunteered to do the page layout on my book. So he couldn't figure out how to do it. He attacked me saying I was abusive to the illustrator, who was schizophrenic. He said I was abusive to him ALL YEAR long. Not true, we only had one fight and then made up. So the Director said the project was over and we hadn't even done the final edit. He spoke to me in a condescending tone and I didn't think to defend myself. I ended up paying full price for the illustrations which only fifty percent of them were any good. I had to hire someone else to finish.

For DAYS I replayed the Director's unkindness over and over and over.

I now have a New Years Resolution that I will not be affected by other people in this way. It is their relationship with themself that causes their behavior towards others and it is not a statement of my own worth. If I learn that it is their limitation in understanding their own self, then gradually I will cease to react.

I share this because I hate to think of you continuing to react.
 
Mayflower7

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#19
Hi Trixxie,
I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, I hope the new CPN supports you and is caring. Hope your feeling better very soon.
Take care
 
T

Trixxie

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#20
Aw Thankyou both. Your kindness means a lot.
I'm trying to tell myself that how bad she made me feel is nothing to do with me but really says everything about her.
I've tortured myself going over it again and again as that's part of what I always do but I'm trying very hard to stop that. I have to keep reminding myself that how she was is actually nothing at all to do with me.

I will be prepared for the next one and if there is any of the same then I will be half expecting it now and ready to fight my corner, rather than crumbling as I did this time.

I'm hurt and sad that there's so many others going through what I did. It really shouldn't be like this and is very cruel as vulnerable people suffer enough getting through each day as it is. It's helped me so much though to be able to come here and get it all out so can't thank you enough for all the support.

Hi Trixxie,
I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, I hope the new CPN supports you and is caring. Hope your feeling better very soon.
Take care
When you go on your next appointment, remember, the person you meet has their own baggage. If he or she turns the conversation in an unkind direction, you can immediately cut them off.

It's something that has happened to me on several occasions, resulting in my mind repeating the incident over and over and over. But you can be grounded in yourself and know that the other person has unhealthy patterns. Don't let this person steal your serenity. She has you thinking you did something wrong when it is she who did something wrong.

I can give you an example of something similar that resulted in me replaying the incident for days. A Director of a drop-in art center for MI people was ADD himself. He always took on more projects than he could ever finish. He volunteered to do the page layout on my book. So he couldn't figure out how to do it. He attacked me saying I was abusive to the illustrator, who was schizophrenic. He said I was abusive to him ALL YEAR long. Not true, we only had one fight and then made up. So the Director said the project was over and we hadn't even done the final edit. He spoke to me in a condescending tone and I didn't think to defend myself. I ended up paying full price for the illustrations which only fifty percent of them were any good. I had to hire someone else to finish.

For DAYS I replayed the Director's unkindness over and over and over.

I now have a New Years Resolution that I will not be affected by other people in this way. It is their relationship with themself that causes their behavior towards others and it is not a statement of my own worth. If I learn that it is their limitation in understanding their own self, then gradually I will cease to react.

I share this because I hate to think of you continuing to react.