Awful anxiety caused by work issue

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Luckychap

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Hi , I am new here. I have had anxiety and depression for many years and have been a longtime heavy drinker. I stopped drinking 10 weeks ago and really want To get my anxiety under control. Recently I was promoted in my office job and given a team clear about the North west. All was fine then I was given two people to manage in the same room as me . There are about 30 people in the room. I have been in this room for two years and never had any issues. The minute these people found out I was to be there manager they raised loads of issues to senior management. I had an awful meeting on Friday where they brought up everything that I had said that was at the time said in a joke and not offensive and embellished it to make me look like a creep. Compliment I had said and were received happily were now lecherous. I was made to look awful. I now have to wait and see what happens. It's not a complaint about me but a list of reasons why they won't work with me. These are known for their negativity and unkindness. And I am known as a good person that helps others. At least I was. I have been in the job27 years. So I have been ruminating constantly and just cannot get ease from my thoughts . Ihavent gone back to drink but I am struggling to stop feeling anxious. Any thoughts?
 
Luci

Luci

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Have you learned any techniques to cope with your anxiety while you are seeing this through? Mindfulness, meditation, meds?

If these people in your office are known for being unkind then your boss will probably suss out what they are trying to do. Have you spoke to your boss about it? Do you feel they understand the situation well? Is your employer aware you struggle with anxiety and depression? The fact you have been there 27 years and these people have never raised a concern until now works in your favour. I would concentrate on trying to handle your anxiety while this is going on. Can you speak to your colleagues and find out why they are unhappy?
 
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Luckychap

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Hi I have a new boss of two weeks and hoped to not start off by saying I have anxiety but I have had no choice. She seems nice it's just awful working with people that seem to not like me. Nearly everyone I work with really gets on with me . These two are known for their difficultness.
 
Luci

Luci

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Kill em with kindness! They'll sharp get bored when they think they dont bother you. If your boss is aware of the situation just make sure they kept up to date. If all else fails you're the manager now, have them split up! Ask your boss to call you all in for a meeting to discuss things? Tackle it head on so they know you arent going to take their shit!
 
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Luckychap

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It's got to the point today where I have asked for an one referral. There is no reasoning they just don't like me . I have loads of lovely colleagues but these two are very unpopular with many. Thank you for your support x
 
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Luckychap

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Since my last post my mental wellbeing has got a lot worse. My anxiety seems to have moved to depression .I have been signed off by GP and awaiting a call tomorrow from my ice cold manager to arrAnge an occupational health referral. I am waking up crying and can't feel good about anything. I have a big mortgage and feel so down and low . Really not sure what is going to happen.
 
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Lunar Lady

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Hello Lucky Chap.

Let's deal purely with facts here:

You have held your job down and built up a great reputation over 27 years. For that, you are amazing an exceptional - it demonstrates your own stability and commitment to your company. I doubt these two trouble makers have the same length of service or anywhere near?

You know you have a good reputation for being kind and helpful - people like you.

Nobody can take these things away from you, right?

These two individuals are trouble. You have every right to be upset after their behaviour and character assassination of you. They are toxic.

These two have demonstrated their reasons why they insist they can not follow your leadership or don't want to work with you...that's like a farmer being gifted with two horses that refuse to pull the cart or plough.

If they are made to work with you - they'll just become covert in their undermining of you and they'll keep their lack of cooperation under the radar.

You cannot work together, Lucky Chap. It's that simple and there's no failing on your part whatsoever.

You are entirely within your rights to volunteer to your management that you do not want to attempt to lead two people who have made it flagrantly clear that they don't want to cooperate under your management.

You have been happy and successful in your job for 27 years and there's no reason for you to accept a work scenario that will suddenly cause you stress.

Your management can either give you two other people to work with or give you the option to resume your previous duties that you were comfortable with...both scenarios offer peace of mind and job security.

Lucky Chap, you need to take control here and state what you want. After 27 years, you have earned that right and these two unpleasant troublemakers can't be foisted upon you against your will.

Please stop feeling anxious and depressed. This situation is untenable and you have the right to reject it with total honesty because it can't work.

This is not the time to focus on your mental health - it's a time to straighten up and say very clearly "This is not going to work. Their level of negativity has made it clear that every day will be an ongoing battle and I will be dealing with conflict within my own team. I can not lead them after what has been said and it is unreasonable for you to expect me to try."

Take control. This can't work and you need to reclaim your job happiness. If it means managing nobody but yourself and taking a step back, then so be it. You will have peace of mind, job security and the same income you have relied on all these years.

Don't let these two arseholes destroy your life.

:hug: Be strong. You have a voice and choices.

Lots of love xxx
 
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Lunar Lady

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Sorry - I also meant to say:

NOBODY could cope with this situation comfortably.

It's miserable and unreasonable.

Please don't think the way you feel is attributed to mental health issues - NOBODY could have peace of mind about this - or look forward to going into work - or feel secure and happy.

You are not failing.

You are not coming apart.

Your reactions are entirely reasonable and understandable - but you have to say 'NO' to this situation and be very clear why.

Sending you lot of love and extra strength to turn this around and get your happiness back xxx
:hug:
 
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Luckychap

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Thank you lunar for your support. It's very kind of you to take the time to help. I know what you are saying is true in my heart. I last had depression in 2001 and I have not felt as bad as I did then until now. I am crying in a morning and feeling withdrawn and lethargic. My new manager has given me back to my manager I started with 5 weeks ago to handle my sick absence and she is ringing me at 11:30 tomorrow to go through my OHS referral and I am feeling very low about it. She is very cold. She admonished me during a call when we were planning a team day and it was national coffee day and I mentioned that special coffee cats eat and pass through. She said it was inappropriate. This at a time when I was really struggling went me in to a bad spiral I have only been in this management chain for 5 weeks, but I have spoken to my previous managers and they are so kind and supportive. Sadly they have no input in what happens next. I felt so wounded by this issue I got my old senior leader to ring my current LM and try and give me a character reference. I just feel defeated. Destroyed. Lost and despair xx
 
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Lunar Lady

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This new 'cold' boss doesn't really know you...so what you say to her now and how you behave is what she will measure you on.

If she is ringing you at 11.30 tomorrow, I would script out what I want to say BEFOREHAND so emotion doesn't make you lose control.

The sort of salient points that you need to raise are these:

I have been happy, confident and competent in my role for 27 years with this company.

I have been very distressed by the negative attitude and hurtful comments made by these two co-workers.

I can sense their hostility and I feel extremely uncomfortable and bullied by their behaviour.

This situation is causing me undue anxiety and unhappiness. They do not want to work with me and I feel under immense pressure and anxiety trying to manage them.

This is not a tenable work situation for three parties.

I have always been dependable and well liked in my role and I love my job and this company.

At this present time, I want to (either) take a step back and resume the role that I was successful in or be put with two different team members.

The comments made about me have been hurtful and destructive and I feel bullied in the workplace.

Given my service record and the excellent references that can be provided by my previous managers, I would appreciate your support in relieving this situation, as I have so much more to give to the company.......

Whatever you want to articulate - write it down today and practice saying the phrases over and over until you sound strong and in control of your emotions.

When she phones tomorrow - have what you want to say written down or on the screen in front of you and make sure you get across what needs to be said.

You are a very valuable asset to them. Seriously.

If you're reasonable and make it clear that only the stress of this situation has made you unwell, they are obliged as your employers to rectify it.

It makes no difference where you sit on the management tier - bullying in the workplace can go either up or down the ladder and you have been bullied. Make sure you use the word - they have a duty of care towards you and procedure laid out in how they must support you.

Please, Lucky - don't despair.

You were fine before this drastic change at work. Don't throw away a stable job and work satisfaction by being pushed into a situation you can't handle.

It is absolutely fine to say "I can't cope with this."

Spend some time today writing down the conversation and planning it so you have control.

Rehearse, until you feel totally in control.

Decide the outcome you want - whether that's a different team or your old job back. Make up your mind today what you really want so you can be clear.

Most of all - know your worth and hold your head up.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong and you are strong enough to get the resolve you need.

Will be around if you need to talk later - but meanwhile - lots of love and good wishes xx
 
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Luckychap

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Aww thank you that is really good advice. I think I will do exactly that. I will prActice as you suggest. I have always helped others and I have lots of people that like me at work and I have helped upwards of through bad times. It's lovely to have your support when I am so unsure and confused. Thank you xx
 
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Lunar Lady

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You're welcome.

You've got this...it will work out exactly the way you want.

I believe in you - so stop doubting yourself xx
 
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Luckychap

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Luckychap

Join DateMar 2017Posts40

My line manager phoned. She wasn't very warm, just matter of fact. She said she could hear how I was affected and suggested I go out and do some things that were distracting but her words of support were delivered in such an unfeeling way. She is following procedure and doesn't seem to have any compassion or understanding. I didn't feel relief of support after the call. I feel a lot worse now than I did. Next call in a week x​
 
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Lunar Lady

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Hi Lucky Chap

Managers rarely sound warm and comforting when they handle an 'off sick' call so please don't read anything into her tone. She was probably doing her best to be professional and detached.

Did you manage to get your concerns across to her, Lucky? :hug:
 
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Lunar Lady

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Lucky, I'm going out shortly so I might not catch your reply for a bit.

I've picked up from your post that she gave you words of support...that's the important part. This Manager doesn't really know you, so her delivery will sound professional and detached.

You say she was matter of fact - which is pleasing. She sounds as if she can identify the problem and quickly reach a solution for you.

Her advice about distracting yourself with other things is good advice - the more you churn this situation over in you mind, the more anxious you'll become.

She has to follow procedure and conduct these calls in a 'text book' way - she's doing her job properly.

I'm sure all of us here have made these dreaded calls in sick or had a manager phone us at home. It's stomach churning at the best of times and it's human nature to be left with that 'naughty child' feeling when you put the receiver down.

Most important thing is to spend this week looking after yourself - relaxing and getting involved in activities that take your mind off the work situation.

Please don't worry, Lucky. You're feeling anxious and I'm trying to reassure you that her 'tone' is no indication of what she thinks of you or how well she can manage your issues - she's just conducting herself professionally. :hug:
 
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Luckychap

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Thanks lunar I know you are right it's just I need compassion and warmth and now just have ruminations of the bad parts. I looked in the mirror and have got a red pressure mark with broken vessels where I have been pressing my hand.
 
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Lunar Lady

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Lots of love and compassion on this forum - we've all been there :hug:

Have you got anything from the doctors to help with your anxiety?
 
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Luckychap

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Citalopram 40 mg, diazepam 5 mg and some propanlol but the anxiety has moved over and now I am so depressed. I am feeling dizzy and have tears in abundance . I am very grateful for your love and support thank you x
 
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Luckychap

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Woke up feeling so desperate and down. I think I am going further into depression, I am waiting for my work ohs to contact me so maybe it's a subconscious fear. Still ruminating about my Manager and how cold and was and what happens next x
 
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