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AVPD(Avoidant Personality Disorder) and diagnosis.

Sanjuro

Sanjuro

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Hello,i'm new over here and i want to express my thoughts about my personality disorder i'm facing so far and get suggestions/advices from members that had this issue and how they treated/improved their symptoms.

I was working as guard in a women store(from inditex company),since last december i forced to retire due to pressure,covid situation,stressfull lockdowns and too much gossiping,slandering behind my back,couldn't afford to call me too shy,too quite,not much talkative,mocking me that i don't have a girl or relationship,that may i don't have friends,call me that i look like a psycho, weirdo,that i don't have facebook/instagram profiles,that i am too closed as person etc.All these to my colleague behind my back.When i listen all these badmouthing and criticism,i felt into depression,social anxiety,wanted to isolate and hide and be alone.:(

I left the job and found
a new one into feb,with better salary and program but still not joyful or get any satisfaction,again took me some months to feel comfortable and trust other people,but one more time i was the weirdo guy for others.:unsure:

Finally,for many nights i couldn't sleep,i was looking back and wondering if took the right decision to leave the previous job and a looping of self sabotage,self blaming.Started lexotanil to ease anxiety and valerian to help me for sleeping.

I went to a doctor,he diagnosed me with AVPD,which means too sensitive in others criticism,low self esteem and confidence,lack of self love,problems in making new friends or meet people,too much shyness,too much insecurity,anxiety,feeling embarrasement into crowd,wanting to isolate as defence due to not feel shame or redicule in front of other people as trying to express emotions.Fear of rejection,of failure.

Doctor gave me meds/antidepressants,solben/seroxat 20mg,didn't felt improvement in my mood and as negative i got fat in 4 months up to 16 kilos due to meds probably,i asked to change me and gave me velept 75 which suit me better but still i cannot feel happy or fix my daily mood so to do some activities like gym or socialize out there,to have some fun.:confused:

We do psychotherapy for 6 months but i'm disspointed as i cannot react or find emotional strength to fight against symptoms,it's super hard to deal with the disorder,everyone understands that i don't have friends,a girlfriend,a normal social life,see me as a boring weirdo dude that finally will ignore,overpass or mock me
 
K

Keesha

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One of life’s greatest gifts is self acceptance. Yes it’s difficult to achieve but if we focus on all our rejections, we never get there. You appear to be doing all the right things except for giving yourself a worthwhile pat on the back. It’s not easy living everyday with mental disorders but you are managing it. There are some people that don’t deserve air but most people are kind hearted. Focus on the ‘good.’
 
Sanjuro

Sanjuro

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Yeah,i don't have self love and self acceptance since childhood years,so whatever may others say to me or fome,may bother me and make me feel sad for my self.:unsure:
 
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Keesha

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Yeah,i don't have self love and self acceptance since childhood years,so whatever may others say to me or fome,may bother me and make me feel sad for my self.:unsure:
Start practising everyday. If you do, then when others poke fun of you, it won’t hurt as much. People with low self esteem unconsciously agree with the bullies. Not good. 😏
 
Sanjuro

Sanjuro

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I don't agree with the bullies,i just can't defend against them...so finally i accept their gossip or bulling.:unsure:
 
Sanjuro

Sanjuro

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I got 15 kilos in last months due to antidepressants and meds,so most around me found a chance to laugh or mock for my extra weight.It makes me sad and want to hide or isolating.:(
 
Argon

Argon

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Aug 27, 2019
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USA
It's too hard to get a job for me to just leave. I find that I have to work harder than other people and help them out with tedious jobs that they don't like. That way people are more tolerant of any weirdness. Psych drugs are nothing but side effects. I don't recommend them. I recomend a good diet and fitsss routine. People respected me after I had done a year of lifting weights and had some muscles.
 
Sanjuro

Sanjuro

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Greece
  1. No friendships since school years
  2. No relationships,girlfriends so far
  3. Retired from studies,no degrees,weak cv,bad job as guard
  4. Complexes with criticism,too quite,too shy
  5. Emotions of embarassement,low self estem,lack of self confidence,sensitive on rejection,no mood,no motivation,no joy and satisfaction
  6. No fun or vacations or hobbies,no social media profiles
  7. Self blaming,still on parents house
  8. Diagnosed with avpd
 
Sanjuro

Sanjuro

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It's too complicated my case,i feel so stuck in my life.:doh: Useless and hopeless.
 
Lance__

Lance__

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Meds can be helpful in certain situations, but they are only a patch. Until the core wound is not healed, it's very difficult to really feel peace inside. The extreme fear of rejection and criticism is usually due to unresolved childhood trauma that is still affecting us. My recommendation is to find a caring and empathetic therapist to start healing your inner wound and begin the journey to self-love and self-acceptance.
Meanwhile, you can try doing volunteering work, helping in animal shelters, and similar. Helping others usually help us feeling good with ourselves. You can also join a group that shares your hobbies, it's easier to connect with people when they share your interests. For example, if social situations make you feel uncomfortable, you can start Yoga, Tai chi, or similar, as there is no much talk there.
 
Lance__

Lance__

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Also, Art therapy can be really helpful and healing for those (I'm included) who find difficult opening to people. I started painting in therapy since the day 1 thanks to the recommendation of my T, and it was much more easier to express my feelings through painting instead of words. Maybe art therapy resonates with you. And the best thing is that no drawing/painting skills are necessary, only how you express yourself :)
 
Sanjuro

Sanjuro

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Don't care about that kind of stuff,complete indifferent for me,no motivation.
 
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Keesha

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Also, Art therapy can be really helpful and healing for those (I'm included) who find difficult opening to people. I started painting in therapy since the day 1 thanks to the recommendation of my T, and it was much more easier to express my feelings through painting instead of words. Maybe art therapy resonates with you. And the best thing is that no drawing/painting skills are necessary, only how you express yourself :)
I agree that getting involved in expressing oneself through artwork is VERY therapeutic. I paint in both acrylic and water colour as well as pen and ink and pyrography. Creating music is equally as therapeutic. Good recommendation 👍
 
Sanjuro

Sanjuro

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I agree that getting involved in expressing oneself through artwork is VERY therapeutic. I paint in both acrylic and water colour as well as pen and ink and pyrography. Creating music is equally as therapeutic. Good recommendation 👍
I don' care much for volunteer or art hobby,it's pretty boring to me.
 
Lance__

Lance__

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Hi Sanjuro, I read something in quora that might be helpful somehow. Maybe it's not helpful, but I thought about you while reading it, as many of the symptoms you mention are very similar to C-PTSD. Sorry for the long post.

"How does PTSD/C-PTSD cause one to become lazy and unmotivated?"

Depending on what stage of the healing process from C-PTSD you are in, the feeling of being unmotivated and “lazy” can be part of the process.

Let’s start by reframing what lazy and unmotivated is, in clinical terms.

One, it means depression; two, it means your system is in the polyvagal state, which is an immobilized state; and three, you are depleted from being in chronic fight for flight, and most likely have adrenal gland fatigue.

Let’s get into each one of these.

Depression after abuse or trauma is extremely common. In fact, it always occurs—even if you don’t recognize it.

The sense of having low energy, little desire for usually pleasurable activities, anxiety, low motivation, dissociation, low self-worth, low sex drive, irritability/agitation, and many other symptoms, can be associated with depression.

Usually, this is the first place to start with feelings of being lazy and unmotivated.

Depression can take over like cancer, and a loss of pleasure for life takes over, all on its own.

Going through a trauma changes your perspective, makes you question your worth, sanity, validity, and feelings of safety. It can feel like the whole world is unsafe and there is no where to run to. That is a hopeless feeling which is a hallmark sign of depression.

C-PTSD crumbles down on your worth and hope for life. It takes away your sanity and feelings of being safe. That would lead anyone to feel depressed. Same with PTSD.

Perspective changes happen with PTSD and people usually feel weak, vulnerable, not strong enough, and hopeless—that they can’t control their feelings and behaviors, which leads to depression.

Polyvagal Theory: AKA Emotional Shutdown.

It is a state of trying to stay alive.

Being in a state of fight or flight leads to our sympathetic system being chronically activated, which activates an old part of the vagus nerve, to survive.

Think of this as a deer running from a predator.

He runs (sympathetic system) until he has a feeling of no escape. The deer goes into an immobilized state (parasympathetic dorsal vagal system) of “deer in headlights”, where they are frozen and in complete shutdown.

The deer, being caught, will lay down and become immobilized, as if he were already dead, and there would be nothing left for the lion to chase or eat. It’s for survival.

The sympathetic system has a connection to almost every organ in our body, when it is activated it affects us entirely.

Here, people can faint, feel nauseous, dizzy, feeling of no pain, body curls into a ball, eyes fixed and gazed; and, you guessed it, become fatigued.

This is very much controlled by a person’s feeling of being unsafe, even if they actually are in that moment.

Their memories create a vicious cycle of fight or flight, being trigged by new events that remind them of old events, activating that polyvagal nerve and going into immobilization. This makes it hard to get close to people, thus losing the opportunity to reestablish safety with one’s self with others.

And the cycle continues.

This person would look extremely shut down, disinterested in much of anything, fatigued. Not tired—fatigued.

Fatigued is more of a heavy weight on your physical body, immobilizing you from being active.

This could happen throughout the day:

Parasympathetic connection mode (peaceful gazing), to sympathetic system (fight or flight), to parasympathetic (shut down mode).

In fact, most people with trauma unknowingly do this, throughout the day. Sometimes we can get stuck in shut down for hours or days, or weeks; possibly even months!

Loud noises for PTSD, yelling for C-PTSD. Though, many experiences can set this activating system off, after trauma.

Therapy, and connection with another safe person, is a way to come out of this system. Social engagement is the key.

Adrenal Gland Fatigue

Cortisol is a stress hormone that is flooded and released during times of trauma. It is a state of chronic fight or flight. Too much stress over produces cortisol, which eventually leads to the adrenal glands giving out.

Once this happens, the sympatric nervous system is activated. In fact, around 80% of those with PTSD/C-PTSD suffer from adrenal gland fatigue.

Exhaustion is the main word that I would use to describe adrenal gland fatigue. No matter how much you rest or sleep, your body has over produced cortisol and overused its adrenal glands to the point of burn out, where they no longer can be used to regulate energy.

Symptoms include:

Low morning startability, insomnia, craving for salty foods, tendency to need sunglasses, bright lights at night bothering eyes, tendency to be keyed up/or having trouble calming down, becoming dizzy when standing up suddenly, experiencing “hangry” hunger, and/or angry if meals are missed (hypoglycemia), and a burst of energy around 8pm at night.

So, when you ask why some people are lazy and unmotivated after trauma, we are really talking about biological workings, including hormones and depression that take over the body. It’s not about being lazy or unmotivated, it’s about being shut down, frozen without the proper hormones, and the nervous system not working optimally."
 
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