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Avoiding becoming a shut in

TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
314
Location
On The Train
After I was assaulted at 15 years old, I dropped out of school and stayed in my house for over a year. I was terrified to go outside. I wouldn't even go get the mail. I took baby steps and eventually was able to get a job, finish school, even travel on my own. I regretted this year that I felt I lost because the assault had full control over my life.

I have a friend now who invites me to dinner on Fridays as well as a lot of other people. One guy who started coming is super creepy. He is always looking at me and my body. He winks at me. He is married and his wife is there but he will try to tease me in front of her. The dinner is really the only social interaction I have outside of school and my fiancee.

It was really nice while it lasted but now I am afraid to go. I talked to my friend about him and she said she will seat him away from me but just being in the room is too much for me. I wish she would just disinvite him. He is her neighbor though. I am afraid he will try to touch me or attack me in her house.

I feel like I am failing by not just sticking it out and going. I am afraid of getting worse. I have worked hard to confront my symptoms. Not going will make me feel like a failure and that I am falling back wards. I regretted letting fear control me before but now it is again ☹
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,007
Location
Nowhere
n yeah ... I dont know, I might consider
socialising somewhere else actually
at least until I'm feeling sronger

most of my social interaction happens in therapy groups
but I now have an art class attached to a church
there was one married man there who tried to flirt with me
but I made it clear I'm more interested in his wifes friendship with me

his wife hugs me each week , its a big long hug
which feels like warm sunshine pouring into me

:loveshower: 🌠 🧡
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,737
Location
Florida
Awh Zoe you are so adorable. Tuliqicecream I would say not to go you do not need to be re traumatized. Stay away from this outing. What a creep. No way do you need this in your life. I am sorry that he was invited.
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2017
Messages
2,264
Hey :)

I know it's not fair, but the hostess can invite whoever they like. It's not polite to ask the hostess to uninvite someone else. You could either refuse to come any more, citing that the guy makes you too uncomfortable to be around. Perhaps you could ask him publicly why he's winking at you - he may stop due to embarrassment of what he's doing. If you'd like, you could arrange a separate dinner with your friend and those at the gathering that you get on with x

Much love <3
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
314
Location
On The Train
I ended up not going. I ran into the creepy guy later on and he said he missed teasing me 🤢 There were other people around but I couldn't think of a good response and was super creeped out. He was laughing about it. The other people saw I was uncomfortable and just looked at me. Keep in mind I have never said a word to him. I am not going to there anymore and hopefully find another nice place to go. I felt like a failure at first but now I feel that my comfort is important too. Thanks everyone for your support
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2019
Messages
1,461
Location
London
Make a conscious effort to do things that you will be around other people et going to the shop it may seem little but that human contact is required so you dont lose touch with the world
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
6,432
Location
hiding behind the sofa
I would try and think up some witty put down to him before you go. It not right that you should have to stop going out because of him. He know what hes doing and enjoys watching you embarrassed. Next time he winks across the table say loudly ‘have you got something in your eye or are you winking at me’ or if his hand touches you say ‘do you mind removing your hand i dont like people touching me’ let him know that your not bothered by him. But say it loud enough that others can hear what a creep he is. Hopefully the embarrassment you cause him will stop it.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,007
Location
Nowhere
there was a lady where I used to work
we were having a training session when a man touched her
and she said ' please dont interfere with me ' and moved away

not sure I would go to the dinner though

:loveshower: :loveshower: :loveshower:
 
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