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Avoidant Personality Disorder

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Phoenix76

Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2018
Messages
11
Location
Essex, England/UK
#1
Anyone else developed an avoidant personality disorder? I have never been officially diagnozed, but I'm convinced that's what's wrong. I always knew I had social anxiety, but I also knew there was more to it than that. I suspect that shame lies at the heart of all this, and that the shame feeds the avoidance while the avoidance feeds the shame. This has been going on since I was seven or eight.
 
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goodgollymiss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
242
#2
hugs

I have been very shy all of my life. When I was three, I was a mute by choice. My mom had to read me fair tales to get out of my shell. Your post opened my eyes. I feel guilty to talk to friends I don't know very well and feel like I make people uncomfortable. It doesn't help that now I stutter too and I am getting older. One plus is that when I do have a good social interaction, it feels so meaningful. I do have days when I just avoid thinking about the negative interactions and reassure myself that I deserve to have people's time
 
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Pollypop

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2015
Messages
660
Location
England. Derbyshire
#3
I have been diagnosed with avoidant personalality disorder by a psychiatrist.
Also dependent personality disorder.

I was totally unaware of these until I accidentally saw a report.
Therefore I was never given medication or coping strategies for these.
Consequently I pushed everything and everybody away and become agoraphobic.

My main diagnosis was major ( clinical) depression.1986. After many yrs of school and work
Then came anxiety (GAD)
The list seems to keep growing.!

Good luck all of you for diagnosis and treatment.

Pollypop x
 
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Phoenix76

Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2018
Messages
11
Location
Essex, England/UK
#5
I have been diagnosed with avoidant personalality disorder by a psychiatrist.
Also dependent personality disorder.

I was totally unaware of these until I accidentally saw a report.
Therefore I was never given medication or coping strategies for these.
Consequently I pushed everything and everybody away and become agoraphobic.

My main diagnosis was major ( clinical) depression.1986. After many yrs of school and work
Then came anxiety (GAD)
The list seems to keep growing.!

Good luck all of you for diagnosis and treatment.

Pollypop x
It's interesting that you've been diagnozed with dependent personality disorder as well pollypop. I have read that those with an avoidant personality disorder will probably have traits of the dependent personality disorder as well (along with the paranoid). In general, I think it's true that people with one mental health condition will have many others. I sometimes think that the majority of these disorders stem from a single source: some neurotransmitter or malfunctioning part of the brain.

"consequently I pushed everyone away" God, I could have written those words myself. Has shame played a big role in your life as well? For me, shame has been the dominant emotion of my life. And avoidance was my defence against the shame and fear.
 
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faye222015

New member
Joined
Dec 24, 2018
Messages
1
#6
Hi,

I was diagnosed with AvPD properly by a psychotherapist. I completely understand what you're going through. My problem is that when I'm talking with friends (the few that I have) my mind goes into overdrive after the conversation. The negative self-talk happens "do they not like me?" "do they think I'm an idiot?" "Am I boring them?" It's like I'll question the entire conversation and I'll play over it in my mind for days/weeks even. Like I said, I completely understand what you're going through and you aren't on your own :)
 
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elanka

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2018
Messages
12
Location
Scandinavia
#7
I don't have it in my official diagnosis list, but the psychological test results and the psychologists have told me I have strong signs of avoidant personality disorder.

I'd say shame is one of the biggest drivers in my life, forcing me into perfectionism, overachieving, twisting and turning myself into pleasing others and never feeling I'm quite achieving anything anyway.
I try to hold my own thoughts to myself and keep up a good face, but of course they sometimes spill out causing afterwards a bout of self hate for "revealing" what an idiotic ball of problems I actually am. I want a personal connection. I need to talk. But I hate myself for doing so, which is frustrating.

I've been told I loved to perform as a very small child but changed sharply before starting school. I can't remember myself very clearly, but I stopped all performing and developed some kind of social phobia then, continuing well into young adulthood. Later, I developed a professional self, who is able to seem believable, talk in front of crouds, network and do all of the things me as a private person can't. As long as it's business, all is good. My shame goes away then, but comes back with a vengeance if I see a recording of myself talk, am reminded of a performance I've done or anything connecting actual me to the professional me.
 
toutatis

toutatis

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
50
Location
New Zealand
#8
Anyone else developed an avoidant personality disorder? I have never been officially diagnozed, but I'm convinced that's what's wrong. I always knew I had social anxiety, but I also knew there was more to it than that. I suspect that shame lies at the heart of all this, and that the shame feeds the avoidance while the avoidance feeds the shame. This has been going on since I was seven or eight.
Yes, I'm exactly the same. I've been diagnosed with social anxiety - and there's no doubt in my mind about that - but really it's deeper and very ingrained. Nothing but meds has helped me. So, yes, I firmly believe, having looked into it carefully, that my personality is that of an AvPD, as well. I carry a lot a toxic shame too.