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Avoidant Personality Disorder

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Phoenix76

Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2018
Messages
23
Location
Essex, England/UK
Anyone else developed an avoidant personality disorder? I have never been officially diagnozed, but I'm convinced that's what's wrong. I always knew I had social anxiety, but I also knew there was more to it than that. I suspect that shame lies at the heart of all this, and that the shame feeds the avoidance while the avoidance feeds the shame. This has been going on since I was seven or eight.
 
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goodgollymiss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
765
hugs

I have been very shy all of my life. When I was three, I was a mute by choice. My mom had to read me fair tales to get out of my shell. Your post opened my eyes. I feel guilty to talk to friends I don't know very well and feel like I make people uncomfortable. It doesn't help that now I stutter too and I am getting older. One plus is that when I do have a good social interaction, it feels so meaningful. I do have days when I just avoid thinking about the negative interactions and reassure myself that I deserve to have people's time
 
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Pollypop

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Joined
Jul 23, 2015
Messages
2,147
Location
England. Derbyshire
I have been diagnosed with avoidant personalality disorder by a psychiatrist.
Also dependent personality disorder.

I was totally unaware of these until I accidentally saw a report.
Therefore I was never given medication or coping strategies for these.
Consequently I pushed everything and everybody away and become agoraphobic.

My main diagnosis was major ( clinical) depression.1986. After many yrs of school and work
Then came anxiety (GAD)
The list seems to keep growing.!

Good luck all of you for diagnosis and treatment.

Pollypop x
 
P

Phoenix76

Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2018
Messages
23
Location
Essex, England/UK
I have been diagnosed with avoidant personalality disorder by a psychiatrist.
Also dependent personality disorder.

I was totally unaware of these until I accidentally saw a report.
Therefore I was never given medication or coping strategies for these.
Consequently I pushed everything and everybody away and become agoraphobic.

My main diagnosis was major ( clinical) depression.1986. After many yrs of school and work
Then came anxiety (GAD)
The list seems to keep growing.!

Good luck all of you for diagnosis and treatment.

Pollypop x
It's interesting that you've been diagnozed with dependent personality disorder as well pollypop. I have read that those with an avoidant personality disorder will probably have traits of the dependent personality disorder as well (along with the paranoid). In general, I think it's true that people with one mental health condition will have many others. I sometimes think that the majority of these disorders stem from a single source: some neurotransmitter or malfunctioning part of the brain.

"consequently I pushed everyone away" God, I could have written those words myself. Has shame played a big role in your life as well? For me, shame has been the dominant emotion of my life. And avoidance was my defence against the shame and fear.
 
Last edited:
F

faye222015

New member
Joined
Dec 24, 2018
Messages
1
Hi,

I was diagnosed with AvPD properly by a psychotherapist. I completely understand what you're going through. My problem is that when I'm talking with friends (the few that I have) my mind goes into overdrive after the conversation. The negative self-talk happens "do they not like me?" "do they think I'm an idiot?" "Am I boring them?" It's like I'll question the entire conversation and I'll play over it in my mind for days/weeks even. Like I said, I completely understand what you're going through and you aren't on your own :)
 
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elanka

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2018
Messages
19
Location
Scandinavia
I don't have it in my official diagnosis list, but the psychological test results and the psychologists have told me I have strong signs of avoidant personality disorder.

I'd say shame is one of the biggest drivers in my life, forcing me into perfectionism, overachieving, twisting and turning myself into pleasing others and never feeling I'm quite achieving anything anyway.
I try to hold my own thoughts to myself and keep up a good face, but of course they sometimes spill out causing afterwards a bout of self hate for "revealing" what an idiotic ball of problems I actually am. I want a personal connection. I need to talk. But I hate myself for doing so, which is frustrating.

I've been told I loved to perform as a very small child but changed sharply before starting school. I can't remember myself very clearly, but I stopped all performing and developed some kind of social phobia then, continuing well into young adulthood. Later, I developed a professional self, who is able to seem believable, talk in front of crouds, network and do all of the things me as a private person can't. As long as it's business, all is good. My shame goes away then, but comes back with a vengeance if I see a recording of myself talk, am reminded of a performance I've done or anything connecting actual me to the professional me.
 
toutatis

toutatis

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Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
1,521
Location
Another Dimension
Anyone else developed an avoidant personality disorder? I have never been officially diagnozed, but I'm convinced that's what's wrong. I always knew I had social anxiety, but I also knew there was more to it than that. I suspect that shame lies at the heart of all this, and that the shame feeds the avoidance while the avoidance feeds the shame. This has been going on since I was seven or eight.
Yes, I'm exactly the same. I've been diagnosed with social anxiety - and there's no doubt in my mind about that - but really it's deeper and very ingrained. Nothing but meds has helped me. So, yes, I firmly believe, having looked into it carefully, that my personality is that of an AvPD, as well. I carry a lot a toxic shame too.
 
J

Jessicad21

New member
Joined
Feb 8, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Houston Tx.
I do. right now I feel as if I don't but I can't talk. Like it still feels really uncomfortable. I isolated myself a lot. I think it went untreated. Is there still hope for it?
 
J

Jessicad21

New member
Joined
Feb 8, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Houston Tx.
Like there are things in my mind but they're like old memories. And like things I never talked about. And things that are on my head but I don't want to talk about them. My sister tries to comfort me but its clear she doesn't understand or know how to help me.
 
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MHFPokeplantz

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Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
289
Location
Brazil
I dont know exactly the diffrence between Social Phobia (and Social Anxiety) and AvPD. I haveNT been diagnosed with either so far (treatment w Psychiatris had been sucking, and I THINK Psychologist cant diagnose these disorders, though Im not sure) but for me its SOO CLEAR that at least something RELATED to these I do have.

By me Id say I have both (Social Phobia and Avoidant Personality), but again not sure, and yes SHAME PLAYS A BIG ROLE, toxic shame often comes to my life. A fee minutes or hours w people and the proccess often starts
 
I

itsmeagain

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2010
Messages
907
Location
england
It's interesting that you've been diagnozed with dependent personality disorder as well pollypop. I have read that those with an avoidant personality disorder will probably have traits of the dependent personality disorder as well (along with the paranoid). In general, I think it's true that people with one mental health condition will have many others. I sometimes think that the majority of these disorders stem from a single source: some neurotransmitter or malfunctioning part of the brain.

"consequently I pushed everyone away" God, I could have written those words myself. Has shame played a big role in your life as well? For me, shame has been the dominant emotion of my life. And avoidance was my defence against the shame and fear.
Illness follows on from traumatic events too.
No need for it to be brain malfunction really.
 
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Melchy

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2016
Messages
53
Location
UK - SW
My psych diagnosed me with apd. On reflection it's something which previous psyches should have diagnosed years ago.

My childhood and then adolescence and then early adulthood were peppered with all those things which often cause apd.

As a result I now avoid any interactions which might go 'wrong'. E.g. I go to the supermarket at 8am when it opens so that there's less chance of me getting in people's way. And then inside I have to check the aisles and if there's someone blocking where I want to get to, I have to find a free aisle to walk down and then approach my target from another direction.

Same sort of thing at zebra crossings. I cannot allow myself to cause a vehicle to stop for....... me.

Needless to say the apd feeds my anorexia dreadfully. :(
 
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MHFPokeplantz

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
289
Location
Brazil
My psych diagnosed me with apd. On reflection it's something which previous psyches should have diagnosed years ago.

My childhood and then adolescence and then early adulthood were peppered with all those things which often cause apd.

As a result I now avoid any interactions which might go 'wrong'. E.g. I go to the supermarket at 8am when it opens so that there's less chance of me getting in people's way. And then inside I have to check the aisles and if there's someone blocking where I want to get to, I have to find a free aisle to walk down and then approach my target from another direction.

Same sort of thing at zebra crossings. I cannot allow myself to cause a vehicle to stop for....... me.

Needless to say the apd feeds my anorexia dreadfully. :(
For you it was a Psychologist that diagnosed?? I thought it was Pscychiatrists that did so (like most of other conditions), if not then its good to know Psychologists do it, mine could have done it already btw
 
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