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Avoidant Personality disorder and terrified to talk on the phone

Argon

Argon

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Joined
Aug 27, 2019
Messages
659
Location
USA
The phone phobia is really common in people with AvPD. When there were forums that were just for people with AvPD it came up a lot. I can do it but I really hate it. I have to prepare for an hour or two usually, going over everything that I think might come up so I have an answer. I did that last week at work and I was able to answer someone's question. If I hadn't prepared I would have been too nervous to give a good answer.
 
I

IntellectualOutcast

New member
Joined
Apr 18, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Delran, NJ
I have a BPD diagnosis but i am aware you can have more than one Personality disorder. For a while now i have wondered whether i have Avoidant Personality disorder. It's difficult because some of these disorders share the same symptoms, Avoidant sharing some with social anxiety. but i'm sure i have more than social anxiety because i am very reclusive and only go out when i have to and only talk to people i know. When i am out i never approach people i don't know and if i go to social events i usually have a few drinks before i go and then more when i get there and i don't talk to people or seek out people. I much prefer to walk alone in the woods than go to a busy shopping mall. I put off doing things i need that need me interact with people because i'd rather not face them.

But one thing thats really strong is i am terrified of talking to people on the phone, i don't mean nervous i mean terrified. I have made online friendships where the other person eventually says we should speak on the phone and i can never do it and people don't understand that i just can't do it because i am so scared. i can handle online interactions and although i am scared to meet people face to face i can pluck up the courage at times but speaking on the phone is one thing i just can't ever handle. its like i am scared people won't like me and i hate my voice. i am scared i won't know what to talk about because i have had some very awkward phone chats in the past where i struggled to find things to say and the awkward silences are awful on the phone. In an online interaction you don't have to worry so much about keeping the text flowing and even face to face its easier to deal with i think, on the phone i just struggle and when anyone asks to speak on the phone i am terrified. I wondered if anyone else feels this? And could i have Avoidant personality?
I can COMPLETELY relate to this. People give me a phone # and I don't call, because I fear rejection so intensely, especially if I interaction has previously been limited to online. It has occurred to me that not calling may well be perceived as me rejecting them, but I don't know how to escape what often is abject terror of calling someone on a personal basis.
 
M

ManDss

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Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
914
Location
Argentina
Sounds like you have Avoidant. But the phone thing isnt Avoidant specifically, is more about social anxiety.

Take little steps, I know is hard for you, but only think in encoeauge you to start talking with someone on the phone, someone you have trust. Gonna take time. Hope u can do it.
 
Twinkle Toes

Twinkle Toes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 11, 2020
Messages
333
Location
somewhere out there
I have a BPD diagnosis but i am aware you can have more than one Personality disorder. For a while now i have wondered whether i have Avoidant Personality disorder. It's difficult because some of these disorders share the same symptoms, Avoidant sharing some with social anxiety. but i'm sure i have more than social anxiety because i am very reclusive and only go out when i have to and only talk to people i know. When i am out i never approach people i don't know and if i go to social events i usually have a few drinks before i go and then more when i get there and i don't talk to people or seek out people. I much prefer to walk alone in the woods than go to a busy shopping mall. I put off doing things i need that need me interact with people because i'd rather not face them.

But one thing thats really strong is i am terrified of talking to people on the phone, i don't mean nervous i mean terrified. I have made online friendships where the other person eventually says we should speak on the phone and i can never do it and people don't understand that i just can't do it because i am so scared. i can handle online interactions and although i am scared to meet people face to face i can pluck up the courage at times but speaking on the phone is one thing i just can't ever handle. its like i am scared people won't like me and i hate my voice. i am scared i won't know what to talk about because i have had some very awkward phone chats in the past where i struggled to find things to say and the awkward silences are awful on the phone. In an online interaction you don't have to worry so much about keeping the text flowing and even face to face its easier to deal with i think, on the phone i just struggle and when anyone asks to speak on the phone i am terrified. I wondered if anyone else feels this? And could i have Avoidant personality?

I have Autism/DID, one of my alters was severely avoidant and phobic about speaking in public or on the phone so they just told people they were deaf. if its face to face just signed pointed to hear to indicate 'deaf' if it was important enough we understood they'd write it down if it wasn't they'd jut say 'sorry to bother you' or something and go away.

If its someone they had communicated with via writing first (ie online) they just said they couldn't work out what people were saying cos the lag was so severe on our BB line it was impossible to lip-read (which auto rules out video chat too) and that we communicated in writing with non-signers usually!

The body did originally have a medical issue that caused hearing problems years ago, we just didn't tell anyone some of it had returned. (Don't see why my neighbours/strangers have a right to know my medical history) We don't tell anyone we have autism either though family members know.
 
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