• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

autism, anxiety, stuck

C

Charliedragonfly

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Jun 8, 2019
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107
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England
hi, just a small post about how I'm feeling.

my social anxiety isn't getting better, it's getting worse. i often freeze up when trying to do things like order coffee. i notice that i absent-mindedly convince myself that strangers on social media/in public, people who have never and will never know me, won't like me. i desperately need to find a job but i know, because of autism and anxiety, i wouldn't cope in public for so long without having a panic attack or a meltdown.

I'm so stuck in this rut and i have absolutely no idea in which direction i should step. i didn't last in therapy long enough to find useful coping skills; only enough to learn how much my self-destructive behaviour hurts people and that when i stop showing any symptoms of my conditions, people are less worried about me. i try to help myself and learn about how to cope with anxiety, but nothing seems to help me when i don't know how to initiate a conversation with someone even if i wanted to. i have no idea what's too formal, informal, friendly or cold, or if i'm being boring, talking too much, looking at them too much or too little, etc. i feel so uncomfortable in public, and i must feel comfortable before i can address my social anxiety.

life is scary. if you have any ideas on things i could work on and how, please let me know! thank you
 
Talina

Talina

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I think it will be good working with your self-esteem a little. Try to not let your negative thoughts create a border between people and you.

I also often think that people will find me boring and uninteresting but that’s my negative view and thoughts taking over. Social anxiety isn’t that fun handling and I’ve also gone into isolation once because of my fears.

Have you tried joing small hobby groups, where you can talk about things you love. It can help starting a subject and become a little bit comfortable to talk with people. Often start with something you can handle and slowly try to build it up.

I often set up small goals for myself which I need to do. Which can help me push through my fears.

Would you consider trying therapy again to try get a bit of professional help to handle your anxiety?
 
C

Charliedragonfly

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Joined
Jun 8, 2019
Messages
107
Location
England
I think it will be good working with your self-esteem a little. Try to not let your negative thoughts create a border between people and you.

I also often think that people will find me boring and uninteresting but that’s my negative view and thoughts taking over. Social anxiety isn’t that fun handling and I’ve also gone into isolation once because of my fears.

Have you tried joing small hobby groups, where you can talk about things you love. It can help starting a subject and become a little bit comfortable to talk with people. Often start with something you can handle and slowly try to build it up.

I often set up small goals for myself which I need to do. Which can help me push through my fears.

Would you consider trying therapy again to try get a bit of professional help to handle your anxiety?
thank you for the reply. I agree that my self esteem is definitely something I could, and am, trying to improve by reminding myself of the reality that people DO like me and that I am simply prone to searching for hidden meanings that aren't there.

I honestly really believe that I'm not a very interesting person. i don't share many, if any, common interests with most people. I suppose your idea of finding a hobby group could be quite nice, so thank you! I'll definitely have a look at what's available in the area.

and i agree that small goals are the way to go, they can really help me.

finally, i want to go back to nhs therapy again and will try my best to get on a waiting list.

thank you for the help :)
 
Talina

Talina

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thank you for the reply. I agree that my self esteem is definitely something I could, and am, trying to improve by reminding myself of the reality that people DO like me and that I am simply prone to searching for hidden meanings that aren't there.

I honestly really believe that I'm not a very interesting person. i don't share many, if any, common interests with most people. I suppose your idea of finding a hobby group could be quite nice, so thank you! I'll definitely have a look at what's available in the area.

and i agree that small goals are the way to go, they can really help me.

finally, i want to go back to nhs therapy again and will try my best to get on a waiting list.

thank you for the help :)
The searching for hidden meanings are often a bad habit to do. We will over-analyze situations and what people say. Which for me will make me freeze and not talk, instead of trying to keep a conversation. I’m quite sure you will be an interesting person if you find the right person.

While with people with not common interest, we can still strike up a conversations. By going with a topic that might make people start having a conversation.

Sometimes we have more things in common than we think and other times we will be total opposite.

I hope you manage to find a hobby group. I know that covid-19 make it harder to be social but there are many online activity and groups right now. Which make it a bit easier to keep a distance and practice to talk with people while never leaving your home.
 
C

Charliedragonfly

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2019
Messages
107
Location
England
The searching for hidden meanings are often a bad habit to do. We will over-analyze situations and what people say. Which for me will make me freeze and not talk, instead of trying to keep a conversation. I’m quite sure you will be an interesting person if you find the right person.

While with people with not common interest, we can still strike up a conversations. By going with a topic that might make people start having a conversation.

Sometimes we have more things in common than we think and other times we will be total opposite.

I hope you manage to find a hobby group. I know that covid-19 make it harder to be social but there are many online activity and groups right now. Which make it a bit easier to keep a distance and practice to talk with people while never leaving your home.
thank you :)
 
C

Charliedragonfly

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Joined
Jun 8, 2019
Messages
107
Location
England
This is somewhat helpful so thank you. In the past month and a bit, I’ve been working on improving my self esteem by tackling any negative thoughts. Whilst my social anxiety hasn’t exactly improved, my depression has which makes it easier for me to talk to people. I recently started a conversation with some old friends online for the first time in 2 years. :)
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

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Dec 9, 2020
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1,780
Location
Canada
This is somewhat helpful so thank you. In the past month and a bit, I’ve been working on improving my self esteem by tackling any negative thoughts. Whilst my social anxiety hasn’t exactly improved, my depression has which makes it easier for me to talk to people. I recently started a conversation with some old friends online for the first time in 2 years. :)
poelpe can feel neediness and it makes them uncomfortable

because they feel like you need something from them and they are hurting you if they dont give it to you. or that you might explode any minute.

we have to learn detatchment from outcome. and stop getting our self worth from how other people treat us. that puts way too much pressure on them. and they will pull away. then we will interpret that as meaning we are not good enough. its another viscious circle
 
C

Charliedragonfly

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2019
Messages
107
Location
England
poelpe can feel neediness and it makes them uncomfortable

because they feel like you need something from them and they are hurting you if they dont give it to you. or that you might explode any minute.

we have to learn detatchment from outcome. and stop getting our self worth from how other people treat us. that puts way too much pressure on them. and they will pull away. then we will interpret that as meaning we are not good enough. its another viscious circle
thank you. that helps, i will try to break the circle. I will not use how people treat me as a way to judge my self worth - i am worthy enough already.
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
926
hi, just a small post about how I'm feeling.

my social anxiety isn't getting better, it's getting worse. i often freeze up when trying to do things like order coffee. i notice that i absent-mindedly convince myself that strangers on social media/in public, people who have never and will never know me, won't like me. i desperately need to find a job but i know, because of autism and anxiety, i wouldn't cope in public for so long without having a panic attack or a meltdown.

I'm so stuck in this rut and i have absolutely no idea in which direction i should step. i didn't last in therapy long enough to find useful coping skills; only enough to learn how much my self-destructive behaviour hurts people and that when i stop showing any symptoms of my conditions, people are less worried about me. i try to help myself and learn about how to cope with anxiety, but nothing seems to help me when i don't know how to initiate a conversation with someone even if i wanted to. i have no idea what's too formal, informal, friendly or cold, or if i'm being boring, talking too much, looking at them too much or too little, etc. i feel so uncomfortable in public, and i must feel comfortable before i can address my social anxiety.

life is scary. if you have any ideas on things i could work on and how, please let me know! thank you
have you ever thought of joining a mental health club.....these are places where mentally ill peopple can go to participate in art creative writing, health management or group therapy to name but a few activities or else you can just drop in for a coffee....there is no pressure placed on people.....people there are understanding and have gone through the same.....having social anxiety would qualify you for membership but if not just say you have depression aswell
 
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