Attention Seeking

[shaky]

Hi,
Maybe I'm uttering a heresy here, but what is wrong with attention seeking? Why does it seem to be the only inexcusable sin?

A couple of years ago I was in a wonderful relationship, but my girlfriend left me. Since then I have felt more and more alone, as if I didn't matter or exist. Since I can't seem to get the love I crave my second best hope is to get some attention from someone, anyone - just to prove that I exist, that I matter in the world. What is so wrong with that?

Unfortunately, even though I have lots of friends, they don't, or are incapable of, listening to all the thoughts that run through my head, so I start to act in perhaps strange ways to get some attention. It scares me a bit, but if no-one notices me, if I am the invisible man, what is the point to life at all. I might as well not exist if I don't get any attention!

So surely attention seeking is just an expression of the pain I am in, similar to the self-harm I do? Why is attention seeking seen as so bad when it's just a lonely guy looking for love?

Shaky

 

[mad as a hatter]

i,m sorry 2 say this but i,ve been called attention seeker mh services a lot by the way i,ve behaved while i was in hospital i can tell u this it,s the worst thing ne 1 can call u i find it quite distressin at times i struggle for them 2 listen 2 ne thing i say these days i,ve had 2 fight hard 2 get ne help at all in recent times it,s only been last 6 months due 2 the help off my family i have got ne where with my consultant who called me attention seeker i was distraught so sorry it,s not right 2 be called this or crave it in some way but that,s only my opnion off it all

 

[*Sapphire*]

I think attention seeking like you said Shaky does have such negative connotations these days.

The way I look at it, if someone is attention seeking it is because they have a defecit of attention somewhere. They clearly need it, what is wrong with that. I believe it is part of the human condition to want attention in different forms, either to be listened to, understood, talked to, touched, loved and cared for. If we felt fulfilled in all of those areas why would people need to seek attention?

It's strange in some ways we idolise attention seeking, those that ape around, publicly singing, those that are celebrities for nothing apart from being a celebrity (ie Big Brother contestants), acting, dancing etc etc.

Recently there have been alot of celebrities that do resort to taking their clothes off, shaving their hair, being made a fool of, calling the newspapers telling them of their whereabouts, making up stories, extreme dieting in fact anything to get their face in the papers. I believe that this is as a result of extreme attention seeking. It is a desire to be famous at all costs, to have people read about you and glorify you. I think it is a result of a society that is so large yet so uncommunicative, which lacks understanding and conversation, lacks physical touch and is largely negative and critical. They crave adoration, acceptance and publicity to validate their existance and excuse their actions.

But in other forms as a society we reject it, condemn and criticise it.

I do think there are ways of attention seeking that are more constructive because some attention seeking can be seen as emotional blackmail which is probably why it has a bad reputation. Some attention seeking is in the form of harming others like some mass murders. But again it may be an expression of the pain that someone is in and it may be that they were let down severly in their life and not being listened to. But I am not condoning it by saying that.

But again ultimately if someone is doing it, it usually means they need it in some form because they are not getting it elsewhere. I think it is a symptom of society today, I don't know many people in my street, yet in the past people used to know everyone in their road, were more tolerant, behaved better and were more sociable. So today we are seeing the result of the breakdown of society and it saddens me.

 

[mad as a hatter]

not thought that way sapphire and i think ur right about a lot that certainly made me think ne way

 

[Anastassia Florine]

I crave attention too and for a MENTAL HEALTH WORKER to call you an attention seeker with disgust, derision or disdain is a terrible thing. Everyone has needs that have to be met, and that is that. Why can't your friends look at you while talking amongst themselves, include you in their conversations, etc?

 

[iffybob]

Contempt

I think any MHW that calls you an attention seeker is in the wrong job and is doing what they do for the wrong reasons.

BTW - Attentions seeking is what that they call you if you are emotional and ask for help, if you are unemotional about it like I am most of the time, they figure your ok and they have other priorities, you can not win either way.

 

[mad as a hatter]

i,ve been called attention seeker so many times when i was in hospital this yr by staff that was mean,t 2 help me but now i,m so frightened 2 ever go bk there cause off this it,s destroyed ne confidence i had i dread gettin ill and havin 2 go bk 2 that place i couldn,t face the humilation ever again i,ve had 2 fight the crisis team twice since then 2 keep myself out hospital cause it,s constantly in my head what they did 2 me i,m so angry about it i don,t really trust them ne more they,lve got no right 2 judge people the way the do there good at sticking labels on us

 

[quality factor]

On the other hand, my cpn reckons I'm tough, which just proves how little she really know me. I don't bother the CMHT much because I'm always made to feel as if I'm making a fuss and unimportant. I'd rather just 'muddle through', and then I get told why didn't you ring in for support. Can't win.

QF.

 

[jamesdean]

On the other hand, my cpn reckons I'm tough, which just proves how little she really know me. I don't bother the CMHT much because I'm always made to feel as if I'm making a fuss and unimportant. I'd rather just 'muddle through', and then I get told why didn't you ring in for support. Can't win.

QF.

Agreeded aparently they measure your condition by this n once was quite spitefullty told "you didnt ring it couldnt of been that bad n then the once I asked for an earlier apointment nothing was taken seriously when I told them about the depth of how I was feeling perhaps they are not capable of emotional feeling been in the job for to long.

 

[iffybob]

perhaps they are not capable of emotional feeling been in the job for to long.

Yeh its burn out, I can understnd it to a degree, I know with people I have known that dealing with me is draining, esp when I am in a bad way, having to do it with so many day in and out.

But it can and does have a detramental effect on the work others are doing to help us, they are trying to help us see things differntly, and then the original, bad thoughts, are re-enforced.

How many acts of encoragement does it take to subdue 1 knock back.

Some are just mean and are in the wrong job, but some are just exhausted, rotation in diff depts is prob the way, but so many specialise, and a good psych prof 'needs' to be correctly trained.

But some who may want to do the job are just not suited to dealing with us, and should not be allowed to.

( psst, anyone seen my ladder, should realy get down from this high horse )

 

[sweetabby]

Attention seeking is a condition but not many people can understand or even tolerate it because it sometimes can be annoying. I find that most people are sympathetic until the point that they are affected themselves.

 

[iffybob]

query

I find that most people are sympathetic until the point that they are affected themselves.

Do you mean MHW or people you know, I keep most of my freinds out of this, I have lost so many people over the years because they see me in a stait where they cannot help and feel they let me down, or just get scared and run .... I do understand but it is sad.

if it MHW they are in the wrong job, but I understand it is difficult not to take some of it home....

 

[mad as a hatter]

mhw do call people attention seekers cause i,ve had a few times and as u say there in the wrong job it distgusts me it effects u mentally so badly it,s not right and so un true

 

[iffybob]

MHW - AnE

I have had real crappy AnE staff, I dont think they understand the "First do no harm" rule,

and I have MHW who dont listern, I had one the other day, who not only did not listern to me, but did not inform the place I was at ( I was in crisis care last week, they knew how to behave, see my journal ) about plans they should have. so she was an idiot, the CMHT may not listern to my complaints but the people who were looking after me were not happy, and I told her boss ( the head of the crisis team ) the next I saw her.

The problem is most all people cannot understand the stuff we go through, they dont realy understand they just have a bunch of descriptions with a common thread, that our emotions and thoughts are tearing us apart and we get to watch, and "cannot" stop it.

But if we get a step in the chain that is crap, it has a real detramental efect on the whole of our treatment, and compramises our acceptance of treatment, which is needed to succed, and the chance of getting treament when we "need" it in the future.

oh, hum ......... boB

 

[*Sapphire*]

If I hear an MHW calling anyone else an attention seeker, I tell them it's because there is attention to seek because of a distinct lack of it.

Honestly they put you in hospitals to be safe and for recovery which takes time, oh and lets wait for it.....attention....how do they think people recover without it. Attention can be in the form of listening, feeling validated, feeling understood. In my experience there is a distinct lack of this in hospitals FFS I have seen nurses on one on ones reading newspapers, chatting on their phone, anything but actually interacting with the patient. I have no time to read papers in my job, or chat on the phone, why are nurses immune to this when hospitals are about intensive care, treatment and protection? I think they should ban papers and phones from the staff and immediate dismissal if they are found with them. Other companies do this when their staff are getting paid far less than inflated agency rates (as most hospitals rely on poorly trained agency staff).

No better to blame the patient than the staff. Lets protect our own backs rather than the patients in our care.

It makes my blood boil.

 

[iffybob]

Go, Go, Go(ne)

It makes my blood boil.

You go girl .......... he he.

I agree, even if they were just talking to us about crap, that would be ok, be we are lead to feel we are imposing on there social life.

 

[*Sapphire*]

I agree, even if they were just talking to us about crap, that would be ok, be we are lead to feel we are imposing on there social life.

That is so true!

 

[mad as a hatter]

sapphire

i totally agree with u on this 1 they spend more time in there office drinking coffee than spending time with the patients when i was in i spent more time talking 2 the cleaners i could chat 2 them better than ne the nurses then when ne thing happens they turn all around and blame on us it,s is a total joke i hate the thought goin bk in hospital

 

[*Sapphire*]

The last time I went to hospital they sectioned me, if I had to go again, they would have to do the same again. I can not think of anything worse, i'd rather be a west ham supporter in the mill wall home end.