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MarlieeB

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Over the past few days I have realised that I get really attached to people, especially if they are older then me and show me kindness.

I think I push people away. I don't mean to, I don't know that I'm doing it at the time.

I'm scared of maybe going into a therapy and getting too attached to the person.

I've seen that I got really attached to my old GP and I was heartbroken when she left. I'm starting to get attached to my new GP.

I'm attached to one of my managers at work.

I also have the problem on here.

I always blame myself for things, even if they are out of my control or I had nothing to actually do with it at all.

I feel like a jumbled up, messed up cow :cry:
 
pepecat

pepecat

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Ah...... a familiar issue......

To me, I mean. Been there, done that, got a whole wardrobe full of t-shirts.......

It's a funny one. And a hard one, and can be crappy as crap at times. I'm exactly the same - there's a pattern of it all through my life. Older people (usually women) who showed me kindness. And usually people who would (reasonably) have no 'need' of me - they had their own families / relationships, etc, and people who I could never expect to be the person I wanted them to be, because, well that's not their job.

As you may well know - I got really attached to my therapist (read the 'transference in therapy' thread if you want the whole thing), but it was only IN therapy that I admitted to myself that that was a pattern of mine, and started to figure it out. Turns out with me it was a 'mother thing'.
It was also in therapy that I started working through that, and it was horrible and painful, and embarassing at times, BUT, ultimately a good thing to do. Yes, I got attached to her, but she was the right person to do that with - she understood the whole thing, and we talked a lot about it, and we worked on it.

I kinda think that if you (anyone) gets the chance to figure this stuff out in therapy (with a good therapist who you like and trust), then take that chance. Otherwise the pattern will keep repeating, and you'll keep on ending up being disappointed and getting hurt and hating yourself for it.
 
BlueBerry

BlueBerry

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Shoosh, my lovely honey bee isn't a cow and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise. :curseyou:

I know only too well the pains of extreme attachment. I think its a big reason for why my best friends abondoned me and why it still hurts so much even a year on.

I really loved them so much, they where like sisters and my heart felt like it was going to burst when I sat down and considered how much they meant to me. :cry:

I remember about 4 months before we fell out it was Christmas and I really wanted to show them how special they were, so I worked hard to make lovely home made Christmas cards for them and I wrote inside how much I valued them as friends.

I think they were secretly laughing at me the whole time. They must have thought my Christmas gifts were hilarious.

Marliee baby, I know it hurts getting attached to people who won't always be there or return the affection. Its just the hand we've been dealt. When it works out and we find someone who returns our love I'd imagine it'll be wonderful.

Until then we're very vulnerable to being hurt because we have such big soft hearts, and I think the world can be a very cruel place for us.

Just know that you've always got us my bumble bee xxx :hug5:
 

MarlieeB

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Ah...... a familiar issue......

To me, I mean. Been there, done that, got a whole wardrobe full of t-shirts.......

It's a funny one. And a hard one, and can be crappy as crap at times. I'm exactly the same - there's a pattern of it all through my life. Older people (usually women) who showed me kindness. And usually people who would (reasonably) have no 'need' of me - they had their own families / relationships, etc, and people who I could never expect to be the person I wanted them to be, because, well that's not their job.

As you may well know - I got really attached to my therapist (read the 'transference in therapy' thread if you want the whole thing), but it was only IN therapy that I admitted to myself that that was a pattern of mine, and started to figure it out. Turns out with me it was a 'mother thing'.
It was also in therapy that I started working through that, and it was horrible and painful, and embarassing at times, BUT, ultimately a good thing to do. Yes, I got attached to her, but she was the right person to do that with - she understood the whole thing, and we talked a lot about it, and we worked on it.

I kinda think that if you (anyone) gets the chance to figure this stuff out in therapy (with a good therapist who you like and trust), then take that chance. Otherwise the pattern will keep repeating, and you'll keep on ending up being disappointed and getting hurt and hating yourself for it.
I kinda deep down already knew but it's only been in the past two days that it has really hit me I guess.

I think mine might be a mother thing as well. I don't know but then again one of mine is a male lol.

I've had a read of your thread Pep and keep updated with it. (I'm not a stalker, honest)

I don't know whether some of it is because of my rejection issues so I get more attached because someone is showing kindness and that they actually care.

At the moment I am in floods of tears about something because I am blaming myself for something and of course sad.

Sorry, my heads all jumbled up right now.

Thank you Pep :hug1: xx
 

MarlieeB

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Shoosh, my lovely honey bee isn't a cow and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise. :curseyou:

I know only too well the pains of extreme attachment. I think its a big reason for why my best friends abondoned me and why it still hurts so much even a year on.

I really loved them so much, they where like sisters and my heart felt like it was going to burst when I sat down and considered how much they meant to me. :cry:

I remember about 4 months before we fell out it was Christmas and I really wanted to show them how special they were, so I worked hard to make lovely home made Christmas cards for them and I wrote inside how much I valued them as friends.

I think they were secretly laughing at me the whole time. They must have thought my Christmas gifts were hilarious.

Marliee baby, I know it hurts getting attached to people who won't always be there or return the affection. Its just the hand we've been dealt. When it works out and we find someone who returns our love I'd imagine it'll be wonderful.

Until then we're very vulnerable to being hurt because we have such big soft hearts, and I think the world can be a very cruel place for us.

Just know that you've always got us my bumble bee xxx :hug5:
Thank you BerryBum.

Now I'm thinking that I should just go and live in a island all alone so I won't do any hurting.
 
Q

Quickduck

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I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I'm ridiculously attached to a few people on here, one person in particular; and to me it feels like these people are family.
I know I shouldn't get as attached as I do; my feelings would most likely seem very OTT to the other person if they knew how attached I really was. I do work hard not to appear too clingy, but I am very clingy with certain people, and I know it. :redface:
 

MarlieeB

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Me too with the clingyness. It drives people away as they figure it out in the end.
 
Q

Quickduck

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I think it can feel a bit like unrequited love, except with feelings of friendship rather than romance. :hug: xx
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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Marliee,

I care about you. I hope you know that. I wish you all the best in the world.

Signed,
Lincoln
 
Q

Quickduck

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I just want to be cared about but I always blow it.
I don't think you always blow it Marliee; you certainly haven't blown it with me; I still care about you very much and there are others too. I really mean that, perhaps I don't always show it but I do care for you an awful lot my friend. :hug: xxx
 
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