- Apr 5, 2015
- Valley of dry bones
I got attached. Again. To someone I shouldn't have. I started to develop feelings for a foster parent who brings two of her foster kids to the daycare where I work. She's pretty amazing, all she does for so many children. She is probably about 10 years older than me. About 2 months back she asked me if I would be open to doing some evening/weekend childcare for her and her husband, and I agreed. I will never forget that moment, because she flung her arms around me and hugged me and said, "Oh, I love you so much! I already did before, but I love you even more now." I've done quite a bit of childcare for her in her home, even driving children to visits with their parents in her fancy, hybrid SUV. There have been more hugs, too. But now I have gotten a job at a daycare much closer to home and I start Monday. I should be happy, but all I can think is that I am going to miss her SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH. I'll still do childcare for her, but now I won't see her every day. I am starting to think that when she says "I love you" to me, it means something entirely different to her than it means to me - me with all my screwed up attachment issues and aching to be loved my a motherly person. Now I am feeling that downward spiral of depression, and I feel helpless to do anything about it. I want to see her every day. I want to be able to tell her all the cute, funny, sweet things her little foster children say and do. I want to be able to say good morning to her every morning, and now I can't. But now it will take me 10 minutes to drive to work instead of 45 minutes.